Tag: death

  1. Is this what it's like?

    24 November 2023

    I don't have any good words right now. They're not eloquent or erudite. They're what has been running around in my head off and on for a few weeks. If you're expecting something that reads like a well polished and edited post, this probably isn't it.

    I've been quiet for a while. I'd like to say that I was too busy to post and I had some awesome stuff going on, but that wasn't the case. It's a bit over two years since my mom died. I think that her estate is pretty well wrapped up - the taxes are paid …

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  2. Life in a rudderless world

    15 August 2022

    "The truth of the world is that is is chaotic. The truth is, that it is not the Jewish banking conspiracy, or the grey aliens, or the twelve-foot reptiloids from another dimension that are in control, the truth is far more frightening; no one is in control, the world is rudderless."
    --Alan Moore

    I've been thinking about that quote a lot lately.

    In the month or so since my last post I've been basically keeping my head above water and trying to live as productive a life as possible. It's easier than it sounds, oddly, but it costs a lot …

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  3. There probably never will be a back to normal.

    14 July 2022

    "Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle."
    --Mal Reynolds, Firefly

    I've been relying heavily upon timed posts these last few weeks because my mental health has been forcing me to choose between being able to get essential stuff done (read: work) and, well, anything else. Come the end of the (work) day, all I have the compute cycles to do is goof off with a side of doomscrolling (because when I don't I get blindsided by The Next Damned Thing). Mostly, seeing the world operate on Covid Standard Time is disheartening and the …

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  4. Life in Pittsburgh.

    17 June 2022

    For reasons I don't quite understand I always equated growing up with situations where you can walk into someplace to do something, talk to someone, and immediately have a real conversation about life where you live. I was struck by this when I went to the car dealership to sell my mom's car the other day. While at the dealership talking to the salesman we chatted about where we were from (the yinzer shibboleth of "I'm from Pittsburgh," "Oh - where at in Pittsburgh?" "I'm from X." "I'm from Y, great to meet you!"), which lead to who we knew, when …

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  5. The end of an era.

    02 May 2022

    I flew back to Pennsylvania about two weeks ago to wrap up my mom's estate.

    I'm really not sure how else to put it. It's short, to the point, but nothing at all like simple.

    Lyssa and I flew back on two different days: I got us set up in a hotel and tried to sleep off the jetlag because I flew out at 0700 from California. Lyssa flew out just before midnight a day later. As it turned out we both slept all day and night because we just didn't have it in us to do anything else.

    We …

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  6. Pain.

    31 December 2021

    "Sometimes I think this whole 'growing up' thing is just pain management."

    --The Maxx

    Seems like a pretty cynical take on life, doesn't it? In a sense, it is; it comes across as somewhat defeatist, as a way to write off much of the experience of life. Or at least as a dismissive and macho way of ignoring parts of reality. However, if you dig into it a little bit there is also more truth to it than it would seem at a cursory glance.

    I've already written quite a bit lately on the topics of death and grief so …

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  7. Grief.

    21 December 2021

    This blog post is probably going to make less sense than usual. It's certainly going to be out of order semantically; I'll try to minimize the disjunctions as best I can and I apologize in advance. Lately I haven't had the time (thanks to log4shell) or the compute cycles (thanks to my mental health) to sit down and work on this post. Everything's been laying pretty heavily lately, and it's been an effort to just make myself sit down and work on this post. I keep thinking of little things to post to keep those switches in my head going …

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  8. Mom's dead.

    15 October 2021

    The title pretty much says it all. If you want to punch out now, go right ahead.

    There's no other way to put it. No polite way, no delicate way...

    Cancer is neither polite nor delicate.

    ...

    The evening of 12 October, Lyssa chose to spend the night at bedside with mom while cousin Suzy and I went home to get some sleep. I don't remember exactly when we crashed but it was reasonably normal for us, maybe 2300 or midnight.

    At 0622 hours (which I don't think I'll ever forget), Suzy knocked on my bedroom door and said that Lyssa …

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  9. I guess it runs in the family?

    10 October 2021

    Judy and I slept at mom's bedside in the hospital last night on recliners that the nursing staff was kind enough to bring in. Mom's fever spiked to 103 degrees Fahrenheit in the span of about four hours, she was febrile, and her breathing was agonal. In an attempt to make her comfortable, the nurses gave her a couple of doses of IV zofran and reglan, with a side of haloperidol for anxiety and fear. Later in the evening they gave her a dose of IV benadryl because my mom was scratching at her arms and chest, and was making …

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  10. I don't think it'll be long now.

    09 October 2021

    Someone asked me why these blog posts are always backdated. The reason is that I can't write about a day's that's happened until that day's... happened. Plus, if I wrote it up late at night and posted it, probably nobody would see it (the churn of social media being what it is). And, it seems wrong to liveblog somebody's impending death. Especially my mom's.

    I guess the cat's out of the bag.

    Yesterday morning when I woke up, I made myself breakfast and coffee and then took Dora outside in her stroller for some fresh air. Around my second cup …

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