Leaning Tower of Hangout - noun phrase - The covid-19 quarantine phenomenon in which one discovers a stack of hangouts on one's work calendar, all for the exact same time, all flagged as required, all scheduled while you were asleep the night before.
smoke and mirrors system administration - noun phrase - When you bring a problem to your support team and they go silent for hours to days at a time. No amount of poking and prodding is sufficient to get anyone on the team to respond to your requests for status updates. When they finally get back to you they say that nothing's wrong and you must have made a mistake. Your thing is now unbroken. They never tell you (or anyone, for that matter) what they fixed or how they fixed it.
quantum documentation inconsistency principle - An axiom of corporate life in which there will always be more than one piece of documentation for something, all of the documentation will be measurably contradictory, and none of the procedures will work anymore. See also clandestine institutional knowledge.
clandestine institutional knowledge - The phenomenon in which everybody knows the documentation is wrong and people are so pissed off at said documentation that they don't ever bother to try to fix it. Instead new hires have to play Indiana Jones to find the two people left in the organization who have any working knowledge of the thing and beg to be trained up so they can actually do their jobs. Normally, the newly trained individual doesn't bother to update the documentation, either.
footnote: Most of the time, nobody has the access to update the documentation anymore, which is why nobody …
tumbleweed mode - noun phrase - The phenomenon in which all official support forums for something are either abandoned (no activity for a protected period of time), or any posts that aren't lowball questions (such as "Where's the FAQ?" or replies to release announcements) are utterly ignored (meaning, actual technical support questions).
I'm writing this article well before the year 2020.ev starts, mostly due to the fact that Twitter's search function is possibly the worst I've ever seen and this is probably my last chance to find the post in question to refer back to.
Disclaimer: The content of this post does not reflect my current employer, or any of my clients at present. I've pulled details from my work history dating back about 20 years and stitched them into a more-or-less coherent narrative without being specific about any one company or client because, as unfashionable as it may be, I take my NDAs seriously. If you want to get into an IT genitalia measuring contest please close this tab, I don't care and have no interest.
@here grenade - noun phrase - The act of tagging a message @here (meaning, everyone) in a crowded Slack channel (users >= 100), causing everyone who's busy but monitoring to drop whatever they're doing and flame you for bothering them by messaging @here. Normally done by a user trying to get a response to a maximum severity ticket that's been ignored for longer than the SLA.
Example: "PFY threw an @here grenade into the #tech-support channel because the border router was on fire and the admins on call were ignoring their pagers. He got kicked but at least the outage is over."
Proper channels excise tax - noun phrase - The markup paid on commonplace things when you go through proper channels at work to do something rather than going rogue, buying it yourself and filing an expense report. For example, a flight from Chicago to Boston might cost $176us if you paid for it yourself, but by using your employer's internal processes and vendors the cost of the same flight is closer to $630us.