You're an adult the moment you sit down and work out how many years you probably have left.

"You won't be young forever
there's only a fraction to the sum
you won't be young forever
nor will anyone."

I'm stuck in Tuscaloosa three million years in the future, and where the smeg did I get this traffic cone??

Well, not so much. I was hoping to riff off of a famous Red Dwarf quote or two to make this post more entertaining, but after a few revisions it's just not coming together the way I'd hoped, so I'll spare your delicate sensibilities and optics the horror and push on.

As the title to this post suggests, I'm in the heart of Alabama on assignment. Granted, it's not too bad... the people down here are quite friendly, and the stereotypical southern hospitality isn't a stereotype, it's a way of life. People down here are so nice, polite, and helpful …