How did I make it this far?

15 February 2024

I find myself asking that question a lot these days.

Another question I've been asking myself a lot is, what the hell am I going to write in this post? I've tried a few things in the days leading up to this (timed) post, and to be honest they all, upon rereading, sound like I'm some combination of coming apart at the seams, in dire need of a vacation in which I do not get sick, in need of therapy (which, to be fair, I am), and sleeping like I did in high school (which is to say, not sleeping at all). Modulo needing therapy none of those things are true. And the last thing I want is to worry people unnecessarily. For whatever it's worth, unless I have something solid to write about at this time (which I don't) the story just doesn't come together. It's a time where I can come up with some idea of what to write about while I'm in the shower waking up, but once I get to a keyboard it's just not there. Maybe they'll happen soon; forcing it is always a bad idea.

If you haven't guessed today's my birthday, which means that today would also have been my mom's birthday. I guess now I actually have time to grieve, or something approximating it. Alexithymia sucks like that and the wires in my head don't help with that.

Anyway, if you have a few dollars to spare, would you please consider making a donation to UPMC Family Hospice? They took good care of my mom before her death and went the extra mile for us and they could really use some love.

Now I'm going to cut this post off before I say something more dumb than usual. Go hug your loved ones, it's important.