You might be a technopagan if...

Mar 17, 2016


  • You write computer viruses that contain copies of your memories. You're going to live forever, dammit!
  • An antiviral software company has to release updates as a result.
  • You've used a fractal explorer as a pathworking tool.
  • You've used awk and sed to assist in temurah.
  • You've written a compiler for a magickal language.
  • You've defined a new Unicode mapping for a magickal language you've created.
  • You wrote a search engine for your book of shadows.
  • You've ever consecrated a PDA.
  • ...and now no one else understands how to use it.
  • You use a .wav file, Google, and your display instead of a bell, book, and candle.
  • Apprenticeship isn't a year and a day for your coven, it's eighteen months (per Moore's Law).
  • Your preferred method of divination consists of
    • ...dissecting a core dump.
    • ...executing /usr/games/fortune.
    • ...looking at output from /dev/urandom.
    • ...fingering everyone else on your system to see what's in their .plan files.
    • ...screensaver gazing.
    • ...contacting the Usenet Oracle.
    • images.google.com
    • ..randomly changing your desktop background.
  • A page from your book of shadows has ever made it into Phrack.
  • One can find back issues of Equinox and 2600 side by side on your bookshelves.
  • You open and close e-mails with '0x5d'.
  • You take advantage of sleep deprivation during [finals,midterms,OS projects] to practise dreamwalking.
  • You've ever had to sneak your coven into your building for circle because you're too busy at work to leave.
  • You've ever sent your PFY out for fried chicken for a sacrifice.
  • Psychic protection means erecting a firewall.
  • Instead of north, south, east, and west, you call the watchtowers of TCP, IP, UDP, and ICMP.
  • You've ever written a spell in Perl.
  • You've ever experimented with glamour by trying to encrypt yourself.
  • You studied goetia in the hope of dealing with Word macro viruses more effectively.
  • ...and it works.
  • "Waving a dead chicken" over your Exchange server takes on an entirely new meaning.
  • Your athame was manufactured by Gerber, Leatherman, or Victorinox.
  • Your wand is a laser pointer.
  • You refer to studying for the MCSE certification as 'walking the left-hand path.'
  • Your altar cloth is a few meters of old source listings.
  • A sabbat has ever been interupted by
    • ...a crashing server.
    • ...your pager going off.
    • ...someone knocking over a candle onto your laptop.
    • ...your laptop running out of power.
    • ...a power outage.
    • ...writing off a bug as the corner case.
  • Instead of the watchtowers, you invoke Linus Torvalds, Richard M. Stallman, Eric S. Raymond, and James Parry.
    • ...by e-mail address.
    • ...by MAC address.
    • ...by message ID code.
    • ...by public key.
  • You have ever GPLed a spell.
  • You banish by reformatting a hard drive.
  • Your ritual garb is a duster and a pair of mirrorshades.
  • You have ever developed a ritual to cleanse a computer of Windows.
  • An evangelist asks if you've been saved, and you produce a small DAT tape.
  • You've ever smudged the server room at work.
  • Being born again means executing `apt-get upgrade bash`.
  • Your book of shadows was written by Brian Kernighan.
  • You've ever used gematria on source code to find a bug.
  • You envoke your servitors from /etc/rc.d/rc.local
  • Working customer support and Inanna's quest are all too similiar.
  • You name systems after sabbats and esbats.
  • You have caught yourself chanting in binary.
  • You accidentally erase a directory and remak that the data is on its way to the Summerlands.
  • Root. God. What's the difference?
  • You've ever written a ritual in Perl.
    • ...in C.
    • ...in assembly.
    • ...in LISP.
  • Books on the Craft and programming are intermingled on your bookshelves.
  • The Quabbalah sparked your interest in cryptography.
  • You use it regularly for this purpose.
  • The Old Craft means coding in FORTRAN.
  • Your circle is cast to conform to DoD Orange Book rating B-2 or better.
  • Your altar doubles as your workstation.
  • Your ritual space looks like a Radio Shack stockroom.
  • It is a Radio Shack stockroom. The manager's in your coven.
  • A Working has ever caused a major network outage in your region.
  • You've ever asked "Where'd I leave my tarot deck?" and the answer is c:\winnt\profiles\\personal\cards.txtor/home//religion/deck.txt
  • Your keyboard is burned or has melted wax on it.
  • Your weblog doubles as your Book of Shadows.
  • Your magickal language of choice isn't Latin, Ouranian Barbaric, or Enochian, it's L3375p34k.
  • You model your servitors after science fiction or video game characters, such as Daleks, Scutters, the sentrybots from Impossible Mission, the ghosts from Pac-Man, or Red Lectroids.
  • Your license plate or bumper sticker is an invocation of some kind.
  • You don't take querants or seekers into your order, you have PFY's.
  • You've ever used a sigil for your desktop background.
  • ...computer case medallion.
  • You've ever venerated your servers as godforms in ritual.
  • You've made ritual tools out of discarded electronics.
  • You've found a way to use fibre optic cable in a rite.
  • You've ever consecrated your coffee maker.
  • You've ever fired a random Google Image search as a sigil.
  • You speak Perl.
  • You speak in regular expressions.
  • Your book of shadows was autographed by William Gibson.
  • You use punchcards as bookmarks.
  • You've ever gotten qwertyitis studying or writing in your Book of Shadows.
  • You read information security case studies to see if one of your workings has been written up.
  • Your vanity license plate was inspired by gematria or notariquon.
  • Your vanity license plate is one of the 'special numbers', like 23, 93, 333, or 74.
  • ...in a different numerical system, like binary or hexadecimal.
  • Your official coven position is BOFH.