"If you think everything I think, then only one of us is thinking." --Ice T "Now, that said, how many of you expect to see Julian walk through that side door right now, and come onto this stage?" "Yeah? And how many of you live in the real world?" --Emmanual Goldstein, The Next HOPE "We need to talk." "Don't say that. When you say that, that's when everything goes black and I wake up surrounded by body parts." --Tara and Franklin, _True Blood_ "In the early 21st century, some silly people still thought that all matter was made up out of tiny strings." --Pantograph "Goddamn, dweezil! What the hell did you do?!?" --Bryce, BOFH "I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike." -- Emile Henry Gauvreau "Neologism is the last resort of scoundrels." --William Gibson "Because it's just not complete unless it has a flamethrower." --Bryce "I was a media whore when Adrian Lamo was running off to school with jam on his face. He'll never catch up." --Oxblood Ruffian [cDc] "*YOU* are full of bullshit. C++ is a horrible language." --Linus Torvalds, on C++ "The scary thing is, I'm out-bearded here. Repeatedly." --Kernel Panic, on The Next HOPE "Do you need something Scienced?" --Chris "You should consider using your privilege to help other people." -I/O Error "I love Burroughs. He's like a metal desk. He's like a still, and everything that comes out of him is already whiskey." --William Gibson "We have a fully stocked and armed liquor cabinet." "..what is it armed with?" "Four bottles of tequila." --Hasufin and Mika "People who are 'dreaming' threaten the status quo, and thus also threaten people who are frightened of change and progress. I don't know why there's so much scoffing about open source hardware (or open source anything) because it's not like it's going to take away your safe mass-marketed gear or anything. It's just people trying to make something for themselves and for each other. Why does that upset so many people? You're right that 'they are dreaming'. Maybe they're dreaming about something that can't be done with current off-the-shelf parts. Have you already forgotten how this great 'high-tech/computer/internet' solution got started? And who started it? I say /thank god/ somebody is still dreaming." --Pope Ratzo "I have five kids at home, so listening to these vuvuzuelas is relaxing." --Anonymous ESPN sportscaster on the 2010 World Cup "It's like bringing Paris Hilton to a party. Sooner or later, everybody's got what she's got." --Anthony Bourdain, on mold "You can't get a zoning permit for a time machine." --Fred Bell "The only genuine Necronomicon is the one you will read in your own dreams, as I did, and as Lovecraft did." --Kenneth Grant "You can't be anal retentive if you don't have an anus." --Bartleby, _Dogma_ "We've been sciencing out here." --Chris "If you don't give your enemy an escape route, he will come straight through you." --Antinous "Currently installing NI Uninstaller" --From the National Instruments software installer "Watching _Without Reservations_ is like hanging out with Kyrin." --Bryce "Life does not suck." --Anthony Bourdain "We're extremely reluctant to call actual wars with that name -- Iraq, Afghanistan -- yet we are quick to declare rhetorical wars: on crime, on terrorism, on drugs." --Bruce Schneier "It's hot here. Not New York or Toronto hot, but this is *Vancouver*. Wearing shorts outside of a Pilates studio, and this is unheard of." --William Gibson, on the summer of 2010 "I am here to complicate things!" --Lyssa "Naturally, the common people don't want war, but after all, it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy... voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to do the bidding of the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is tell them that they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country." --Hermann Goering, at the Nuremburg Trials "Be the trouble you want to see in the world." --I/O Error "Why did you waste time changing?" "Because of that stupid skirt! I'd have to ride side-saddle and I've seen how you drive!" "Good point! Hang on!" --Priss and Linna, _Bubblegum Crisis 2040: Shock Treatment_ "Is that next to the Chainsaw of Natural Selection?" --Hasufin "British Columbia: _Gorillas In The Mist_ with flannel!" --Jason "Maine: _Deliverance_ with wool hats." --Hasufin "Never forget that your weapons were built by the lowest bidder." --Somewanker "If this is a movie, I'm not seeing any villians. I'll be that villian." --Alice Cooper, on rock and roll "Cartilage, it's the next big thing." --Anthony Bourdain "What do you do?" "I'm a professional dancer and choreographer, and I am also a career exotic dancer." "Oh, wow. You can't say that. Sean wouldn't like that. Don't tell anyone here that." "Why?" "It's too gay." --Devon Hunter and Anonymous, interviewing for a position as a gay porn actor with Sean Cody Productions "Apparently not just my colon, my entire GI has something to say." --Lyssa "No matter how good you're doing... there are people praying to see you fail and destroyed. Some may be your so-called friends." --Ice-T "Hmm.. delectible tea or deadly poison?" --Uncle Iroh, _Avatar: the Last Airbender_ "There goes the neighborhood." --William Gibson on transhumanism "Writing new pickle" --Redhat Advanced Workstation v5.5's system-config-printer utility "Ninety-nine [students] out of a hundred are automata, careful to walk in prescribed paths, careful to follow the prescribed customs. This is not an accident but the result of substantial education, which scientifically defined, is the subsumption of the individual." --William Torrey Harris, U.S. Commissioner of Education, 1889-1906 "Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it. Don't wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee." --Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_ "Excuse me, sir, I have about twenty inches of NOT FUCKING BLONDE!" --Hasufin "No one else can appreciate free tritium like I can." --Chris "Life isn't about the material things you own. (No luggage rack on a hearse). It's about the exceptional experiences you have." --Ice-T "If you're explaining, you've lost." --Anonymous political campaign manager "Stand clear of the doors. You are the reason this train will be offloaded. Get out of the doors, meathead." --DC Metrorail train operator, Red Line, Bethesda, MD stop "We haven't tackled Scientology because Showtime doesn't want us to. Maybe they have deals with individual Scientologists - I'm not sure. And we haven't tackled Islam because we have families." --Penn Gilette, on _Bullshit!_ and religion "The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." --Plato "As I always tell everybody, the historian's the last person to ask about the future. We know the record: if we say it's going to happen, it's not going to happen." --Sir Michael Howard "It is one of the basic laws of the Internet that no matter how careful you are in what you write, someone will manage to conclude that you had malicious intent in doing so." --Cheryl Morgan "I feel like two small, furry woodland creatures are having sex inside my head." --Anthony Bourdain, hung over "Dude! You have a heterosexual marriage, what more could they possibly want?? With cake!" --Jessica Melusine "Australia; it's like Deathworld on Earth. You've got things down there that can cause respiratory collapse in 30 seconds, just floating around in tide pools or sitting in your back yards!" --Peter Watts, on going to Worldcon in 2010 "It isn't the size of your PGP key that counts, but how you use it." --Faux_Pseudo Admit nothing. Deny everything. Make counter-accusations. "If you're about to take a hundred lines to write what you could in ten, stop and ask yourself this: what the fuck?" --Mark, _Criminal Overengineering_ "I fired him because he wouldn't respect the authority of the President. I didn't fire him because he was a dumb son of a bitch, although he was, but that's not against the law for generals. If it was, half to three-quarters of them would be in jail." --Former President Harry S. Truman (RIP) "[For] every person you meet, imagine that their life is at least as hard as yours, and treat them with that much respect." --Jack Vandeburg, _Fates Worse Than Death_ "So here we go into battle, butt freakin' naked! What's wrong with this picture?" --Nene, _Bubblegum Crisis 2040: Physical Graffiti_ "Drop names, not acid!" --R.U. Sirius "Yeah. You might practice walking without dragging your knuckles on the floor. Heh heh heh." "Albert! Let's talk about knuckles. The last time I knocked you down, I felt bad about it, the next time's gonna be a real pleasure." "You listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchet-man in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely: revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method... is love. I love you Sheriff Truman." "Albert's path is a strange and difficult one." --Albert Rosenfield, Sheriff Truman, and Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_ "Would ogling the waitresses at Hooters cost me gay points?" "I am inclined to say 'yes'." "Good. I'll do that, then." --Hasufin and the Doctor "The PLANET is fine. The PEOPLE are fucked." --George Carlin "That's where we leave every other species in the dust: the laying of blame. And with the laying of blame comes the passion for payback." --Peter Watts "First comes smiles, then lies, last is gunfire." --Roland Deschain "Trivializing heroic human motivations is common among those who are incapable of them." --Wikileaks' Twitter feed "Most people present probably thought me mad. Madman strategy works, however, as I have discovered. If you appear prepared to do ANYTHING to beat the other bastard, you probably will. Reagan and Thatcher won the Cold War with such a tactic." --Phil Hine "Don't worry, I can get my hand to the bottom of a Pringle's can!" "Of course you can, it's how you bolt the antenna to the bottom." --The Doctor and Scraun "You may die of a heart attack if you eat too much Southern food, but you'll die with a smile on your face." --Jason "We've got an hour to go, and it sounds like the coffee's working." --Art Bell "Our schools have been scientifically designed to prevent over-education from happening. The average American [should be] content with their humble role in life, because they're not tempted to think about any other role." --William Torrey Harris, U.S. Commissioner of Education, 1889-1906 "AT&T takes your privacy seriously and does not tolerate unauthorized access to its customers' information or company websites." --AT&T, the very same company that ran to the NSA and gave to them customer information used to bootstrap their (highly illegal in the USA but still operating) telecom surveillance program without even being asked "I no longer believe that freedom and democracy are compatible." --Peter Thiel, founder of PayPal "Hey, want to see what happens when I try to run this?" "That sounds suspciously like a ''Hey, ya'all, watch this.''" --Anonymous and Bryce "Sorry, I had a _Tom and Jerry_ moment." --Bryce "These politicians don't have natural body parts. They have to be given these body parts; they grow them when the public puts on pressure. They get bigger." --Art Bell, on the same organs Jason was just pontificating about "There is no man on Earth with mightier testicles than Chuck Yeager! Death is still somewhere in a bar drinking because he doesn't have the stones to come for him!" --Jason "It [actual, hard science and truth] is an open terrain, populated by geeks who are over-saturated in their technical realities, where nobody is free of preconceptions, and the next chapter in history is only a disturbed fever dream away. To be able to make any head way into any of these realities, whether conspiracy theory, politics, or HTML5, you have to buy in. You have to join the cult and get the tattoo. Accept the brain implants. Put your hand on the book and swear that your body and soul belongs to a certain video format or whatever." --Adam Rothstein "Cyberpunk hasn't died, it's simply become unrecognizable because we're living in it." --Ringo "Really? Murderous undead monsters lie? I had no idea." --Shade, _Starman: Blackest Night_ "You're becoming a real pro at this, unfortunately." --Dr. Huang, on my having multiple injection sites "Why do I have a Home Hadron Collider? Well... because it's the future, and I can. This is reaching you on a string of Higgs bosons -- which, it turns out, turn back in time upon their creation -- and that's why you haven't found them yet. Science! I'm full of it." --Warren Ellis "What are the nine scariest words in the English language? ''I'm from the government and I'm here to help.''" --Ronald Reagan (RIP) "Your future, however damaged, is green. Politically, anyway." --William Gibson "I could feel Mab watching me, Sylvester to my Tweetie Bird. That thought kind of cheered me up. Generally speaking, Tweetie kicks Sylvester's ass in the end." --Harry Dresden, _Summer Knight_ "Oh damn." --John Stewart, _Green Lantern: Darkest Night_ "Home sweet gridlock." --Mika "You can't be serious! I came here tonight to kill you - to kill you! What kind of a family dynamic is that?" --Rose, _Teen Titans_ "In one of the earliest critiques of the ID card proposal (January 1986) Professor Geoffrey de Q Walker, now dean of law at Queensland University, observed: One of the fundamental contrasts between free democratic societies and totalitarian systems is that the totalitarian government [or other totalitarian organization] relies on secrecy for the regime but high surveillance and disclosure for all other groups, whereas in the civic culture of liberal democracy, the position is approximately the reverse." ---Simon Davies "If you deep fry something it will be delicious!" --Ted Allen "That sounds terrifyingly convenient - all my needs in one place!" --Anthony Bourdain, on liquor store/restaurants in San Francisco "XXXXX, this is Bryce." "Hi, is this Bill?" "Nooo...." . o O ( WTF? ) Minutes later... "XXXXX, this is Bryce." "Hi, is this Bill?" "No, it isn't..." . o O ( It still isn't. ) --Bryce and Anonymous "I don't hate people; I just feel better when they aren't around." --Charles Bukowski "Go froth in the bathroom, kitteh." --Lyssa, upon seeing me walking around the apartment while brushing my teeth "You may now get away with starting a world war." "Yes sir, your karma debt has been paid off." --Bryce and Jason "This box. It's a conduit for the rage of the people on this Earth." --Black Lantern, on the Internet (Adventure Comics #4, Darkest Night) "Nearly all the complaints I receive inform me that it's my responsibility as an author to promote positive messages and moral lessons in my books. Honestly, that never even crossed my mind. I always thought it was the parent's responsibility to raise their children." --Dan Gutman "If your messiah needs landing lights, you have a problem." --Mika "No, I'm not finally having that long promised flashback." --Anthony Bourdain "I guess it starts with second graders who say they hate school, and before you know it, we're all speaking Russian." --Gordon Korman, on poisoning children's minds with books "Envy is the other guy's problem." --Ice-T "A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism and loyalty to the state and the nation as a means of protecting the public welfare." --Justice H. Walter Croskey, 2008 "Freedom is the very source of creativity for both individuals and society." --The Dalai Lama "Bryce, if anyone would live in a TEMPEST hardened house, it would be you." --R. Mark Adams "Fuck 'em. You can't care about every damn thing." --Ford Prefect "You have just been VIOLATED little girly warranty!" --Bryce (after Hans and Franz) "Tastes like it died screaming." --Anthony Bourdain "I hate it when people use CamelCase in their code. It makes the statements read like Vanilla Ice lyrics." --Bryce "Stand ready to do good and heroic deeds for other people, even for unknown persons, no matter how small or how large the deed may be." --Dr. Karla Turner (RIP) "William Gibson says I have more Twitter followers than Hugo Chavez. I believe this means he has to give me Venezuela now." --Warren Ellis "I mean, when you say ''I'm producing an issue of _New X-Men_ every forty-five minutes because of magic,'' what do you mean by magic, in that exact context?" "In that context?" "Yes." "Red Bull and crystal meth." --Paul Gravett and Grant Morrison "I have successfully privatized world peace!" --Tony Stark, _Iron Man II_ "I didn't have to choose between singing and cooking as a career. One of them was out of the question." --Bobby Flay "We have massive, industrial, stainless steel ice cream machines, and I pity the fool who gets in their way!" --Alton Brown "I believe the accepted term for people like that is 'ass-clown'. I had to look it up." --R. Mark Adams, on why you can't say 'idiot' anymore "I have no compunction against ass-raping a vendor." --Hasufin, horribly out of context "Is this some higher-order irony that's beyond me to grasp, or are you just a dickhead?" --George Carless "I am not a precious sparkly unicorn who is obsessed with the purity of his characters -- rather, I am a glittery and avaricious dragon who is jealous of his steaming pile of gold. If you do not steal the dragon's gold, the dragon will leave you alone. Offer to bring the dragon more gold and the dragon will be your friend." --Charles Stross, on fanfic "There's only one thing stupider than being the first country to enact the DMCA, in spite of its obvious shortcomings: enacting the DMCA after the first country has spent a decade showing how rotten and backwards this approach to copyright is." --Cory Doctorow "Backstabbers are only powerful when you have your back turned." --Eminem "Pigtails are the only way to go!" --Kurt Harland, on headbanging "How come God gets all the good ones and we get all the retards?" --Clown, _Spawn_ "The best vendor management tool is a spiked flail." --Hasufin "Bite my shiny metal ass!" --Bryce, in a parallel universe "The difference between virtuality and life is very simple. In a construct you know everything is being run by an all-powerful machine. Reality doesn't offer this assurance, so it's very easy to develop the mistaken impression that you're in control." --Quellchrist Falconer, _Ethics on the Precipice_ "They have something else in Baltimore that can help you with your weight problem. It's called crack." --Anthony Bourdain "When your go-fast vehicle has to have an electronic countermeasures suite, you know you're living in 2010!" --Sean Kennedy, on satellite vehicular surveillance "It amazes me that the same people that consider 'developers' fungible are upset when the resources consider them equally exchangeable." --Torbjorn Gyllebring "The sane ones are quiet, polite, likable and decent... and therefore never achieve power or influence because they're not crazed fanatics or total egomaniacs willing to pander to extremes to keep on the gov't nipple." --Voxmagi, on American politics "If we can confirm its existence, then it interacts with the physical world. If it interacts with the physical world, we can, theoretically, blow it up." --robertliguori "Where'd you get your driver's license, a Crackerjack box??" "Two clues: my driving instructor carried a pitchfork, and he wasn't a farmer." --Frank and Blackie, _Nightmare Cafe'_ "Why are you shaking your jowels at me?" --Claudia, _Warehouse 13_ "If players can't be talked out of playing to type for playtesting, they have no business playtesting. Also, they should be... what's that thing, where you get a, what do you call it, shotgun, and blow someone's head off with it?" "Ass-raped." --3278 and Brasky, on RPG playtesting "Let's DO it, Pushbuttons!" --Baldwin "If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron." --Lee Trevino "I know that laugh! That's the laugh of a techie that knows better!" --Lyssa "Spend enough time in academia and you see this time and again. The well-adjusted overachiever exists, but she's a rare bird; most of the people who warrant the giant grants are eccentric at best and completely fucked in the head at worst. These are the people who cure the diseases, and invent the microwave ovens -- and you probably wouldn't be caught dead inviting any of them to your New Years' parties." --Peter Watts "What part of 'not that much of a death trap' doesn't scare you??" "The 'not that much' part." "Well, yeah, I guess I asked for that one." --Ian and Jason "Cats don't have lanolin." "No, but they do have vomit." --Lyssa and Raven "I just learned a valuable lesson: never shop at K-Mart when you're wearing a red polo shirt!" --T- "I'm old enough to remember when people who said They were watching you from space were crazy." --Sean Kennedy, on satellite surveillance "Accounting needs their jobs to run faster. If engineering can't make vectors or flipjacks or whatever they do, too bad." --"Kevin", _The Daily WTF: I'm Givin' Ye All She's Got!_ "Fake cheese. With bacon." "Bacon makes everything better." --Lyssa and Bryce, on Kraft cheese singles with bacon "I would buy a cashmere sweater in just that color of brown. The color of bunny souls. Chocolate bunny souls." --Alton Brown "No one of us is ever safe. There is no security this side of the grave. A shipwreck or a hurricane can put man back to the brink of savagery, both in the means he uses to get his food and the lengths he will go to get it. The more ill-prepared people are to face trouble, the more likely they are to revert to savagery against each other." --Louis L'Amour "Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the doughnut!" --Nick Fury, _Iron Man II_ "Civilisation brings with it a lot of baggage that perversely seems to inhibit civilised behaviour." --Colin Baker "I've got it! _FLCL_ is a gnostic experience! You can't explain to someone what it is, you can only lead them to the portal. And kick them in the ass on their way through it." --Bryce, on _FLCL_ "It's a damn miracle the Internet doesn't just burst into flames on any given day." --John Anderson, on the compromise of the Apache Foundation website "You like post-apocalyptic imagery? Come to Detroit - no CGI needed." --Arms Akimbo "I figured since I was going to be paid to fictionalize science anyway I might as well have characters and plot." --Peter Watts, on why he became a writer Do not meddle in the affairs of sysadmins, for we are subtle and quick to LART. "Guys who get their names splashed all over history and folklore don't tend to be Boy Scout troop leaders." --Harry Dresden, _Changes_ "Did Alton Brown just say 'nom'?" --Bryce "I'd be upset about Scrabble changing its rules if we hadn't had to burn our set for fuel during the last Tory government." --Warren Ellis "Shut the hell up! You have an answer for everything I say to you!" "You keep asking me questions I can answer!" --Anonymous and Bryce, in a parallel universe "I think it's slightly easier to get a person to swallow their own face than it is for a bureaucrat to work faster." --Chris "Matt Smith's debut episode of _Doctor Who_ arrived on Saturday, and Maddy and I prepared to watch it. But Maddy, who is now fifteen and a half and has a driving permit, had gentlemen callers, three of, who were not going away. Eventually I wandered into the TV room and said ''I'm putting on _Doctor Who_ now, if nobody minds,'' and since they were all sort of affable and I was mad-eyed and unshaven and possibly dangerous, they said yes." --Neil Gaiman I like my women like I like my coffee - enhanced far beyond their natural capabilities and encased in a cold metal shell. "We should not be building surveillance technology into standards. Law enforcement was not supposed to be easy. Where it is easy, it's called a police state." --Jeff Schiller, on NANOG "Hey, there's booze and whores at stake here. For that, you count in octal, motherfucker." --Bryce, on keeping score "In Middle Earth, war was their football. And this was the Super Bowl." --Kyrin, on _Lord of the Rings: Return of the King_ "Great. Glowing fascist at one o'clock." --Hal Jordan, _Green Lantern 4.46: Uneasy Alliance_ "Whatever planet you're from, that's okay. Just try not to assume that everyone you know is from the same place. I'd be willing to bet you that they're not." --Seanan McGuire "Blackie, do you have any shame?" "I guess not. I consider it part of my charm." --Faye and Blackie, _Nightmare Cafe'_ "It was a shocking thing to say and I knew it was a shocking thing to say. But no one has the right to live without being shocked. No one has the right to spend their life without being offended. Nobody has to read this book. Nobody has to pick it up. Nobody has to open it. And if you open it and read it, you don't have to like it. And if you read it and you dislike it, you don't have to remain silent about it. You can write to me, you can complain about it, you can write to the publisher, you can write to the papers, you can write your own book. You can do all those things, but there your rights stop. No one has the right to stop me writing this book. No one has the right to stop it being published, or bought, or sold or read. That's all I have to say on that subject." --Philip Pullman, on writing _The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ_ "Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow." --Franklin K. Dane "A CA will protect you from anyone from whom they won't take money." --Paul Vixie, on PKI "The Internet has already demonstrated the first signs of consciousness -- incompetence." --Taral Wayne "Somebody asks if there will ever be a Neuromancer film and ''Will [I] make sure they do it properly?'' It just doesn't work that way. Never has. And when I try *my* best to do it properly, you get _Johnny Mnemonic_. So just keep that in mind. My job's writing novels. And maybe my job's writing novels that stubbornly resist being turned into Hollywood movies. That's a thought." --William Gibson "I've defined a disciple as an asshole looking for a human being to attach itself to." --Robert Anton Wilson "You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10^12 to 1." --Ernest Rutherford "It doesn't make any difference whether a country makes potato chips or computer chips!" --Michael J. Boskin, former chairman of the US Council of Financial Advisors "The thing about this part of London is you can't tell who's a dotcom worker and who's a homeless person." --Warren Ellis "For it not to be shit. One wobbly wall, one pony-looking effect, one tiny thing goes wrong, and it's back to the 1970s." --Peter Moffat, describing his primary goal in taking over the television series _Doctor Who_ "God went meta!" --Lyssa "But, how WOULD you know if you'd insulted a post-human intelligence?" "Bryce just smiles, and then ruins your life creatively." --Hasufin and Lyssa "We are a young species. I think if we allow ourselves a little development, understanding what we've done already, we'll be surprised what a cherishable, lovely group that humans can evolve into." --Gene Roddenberry "We ZX81 fans are still using the Mayan calender. But we write modern dates when we communicate." --Andre' "Why my thoughts are my own, when they are in, but when they are out they are another's." --Susanna Martin "Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." --Elbert Hubbard "People do tend to get very upset you know, when they discover their gods are actually human beings much like themselves." --Attributed to Henry Ward Beecher, 1862 "He's making a tropical Rubik's Cube. Nice." --Alton Brown, _Iron Chef America_ "There's nothing more questionable than a sure thing." --Bruckley "I spend countless hours, often years (as is the case with _Repo!_) nurturing a project to life. Since I never plan to have children, I see these creations as my kids, my most precious contributions to the present world. It may sound corny, but I love my art. As such, I love REPO!, and I react like a protective hen when I feel someone is messin' with my roost. It makes me want to strike back against their kids. I want to climb into the nursery window with a rattle, a ba-ba, and a cape, and assume the mantle of my villainous alter ego, SIDS." --Terrence Zdunich, on plagiarism, poorly researched news, and art "If you want the position of God then take the responsibility." --Stephen Baxter, _The Second Coming_ "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule it." --H.L. Mencken "If I don't survive I really don't care if the data does or not." --Rod Taylor, on data backups "Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." --Ambrose Bierce "That caveat had to be there, or else I'd have pounced on you with dead babies." --Art Bell "This box is full of stuff that almost kill me." --Staff Sergeant James, _The Hurt Locker_ "The only thing learned from history is that no one ever learns from history." --Alan Watts "Life really stinks, Sid." "So what else is new?" --Jake Cardigan and Sid Gomez, _TekWar_ "There are blind, gay pimps on golf courses that wouldn't wear that!" --Jason "It seems to me that it's insulting to human beings to imply that only a system of rewards and punishments can keep you a decent human being... I have a conscience. It doesn't depend on religion." --Isaac Asimov "Lyssa, there is nothing we can do that the Japanese cannot do more disturbingly." --Hasufin "KILLER whales. Not Cuddle Whales. Not Soft Whales. They're called KILLER whales. How does this point escape people?" --Joseph Matheny, on the orca at Sea World that's killed three people now "What does the future hold for little Missy? Well, take a girl with a dark little imagination, add a traumatic childhood experience or twenty, marinate for 10 years in the sick social stew of the public school system, and presto: You've Got Goth!" --Partially Clipse "I reserve the right to change/ignore canon in order to write a half-decent story." --Starbug "There's a tendency in culture today to point out sucky things instead of what's legitimately valuable, especially in music. A lot of reality TV works because the viewer feels superior to who she's watching. Thus many people's aspiration becomes to suck as much as possible--to epically suck and fail to get attention." --TV "Yep, you've been diagnosed with ass babies." "I'm not a baby, I'm a tumor!" --Ian and Rene' "Yay, ponies!" --Lyssa "In my world, people are in chains and we ride them like ponies." --Rene' "It puts the wax on its face or it gets the hose again!" --Ian "The Architect scene in _Matrix: Reloaded_ - that was hard to understand. I kept thinking where was Dane McGowan to say, ''EY! What the FUCK are you ON about, Sigmund?''" --Grant Morrison "The Intertubes ate the kitteh!" --Lyssa "Nothing pisses me off like the truth." --Reverend "Insisting on absolute safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world." --Mary Shafer, NASA Dryden Flight Research Center "If I'm your avatar of common sense, you're really fucked." --Bryce Dilbert's corollary: Ignorance is a point of view. There is chaos in the hearts of little children. As the machine grows, the chaos dies. "You do NOT cross grandma in the kitchen." --Bryce "It behooves an EP (Eclipse Phase) GM to become a planetology ninja. There's so much bizarre stuff going on out there." --Jack Graham "We're not talking schadenfreude. We're talking it's inevitable, devastating antithesis." --Anthony Chefles "It's so many flavors of fucked up you couldn't find it at Baskin-Robbins. But I'd still buy it." --Hasufin "Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work." --Robert Orben "If you have a really good friend, and you owe them a large sum of money, you probably should not do anything to piss them off." --Ted Turner, on China "You see? This is what I come up with in winter. Something has to entertain my seven year old mind." --Lyssa "Is it schizophrenia or is it Bluetooth? Well, Melissa?" "Only your psychiatrist knows for sure!" --Hasufin and Jason "If you're going to play that game, play that game. But play that game to pwn them." --Bryce "Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic." --Carl Sagan "Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted." --Martin Luther King Jr. "Family values: hating the same people your grandfather hated." --Robert Anton Wilson "SQL, Lisp, and Haskell are the only programming languages that I've seen where one spends more time thinking than typing." --Philip Greenspun "Every absurdity has a champion to defend it." --Oliver Goldsmith "Hi. Flipper's tryin' to tell ya' somethin': Congratulations!" --Nae "Dude - is it just me, or did a giant bear just walk in here? --Duff Goldman, _Ace of Cakes_ "Yeah, you need something to counterbalance six barrels of feces." --Bryce "I can establish that yes, I have seen this movie, but I only recognize this guy from LOLcats." --Hasufin "You /can/ do it without an appointment, but it requires prayer. Prayer and blood sacrifice." "I don't have enough end users for blood sacrifice to be viable." "I do!" "...we'll talk!!!" --Hasufin, the Doctor and Mika (in chorus) "Well, the bastards can just tell themselves shooting people with bullets is just a social construct and bullets are just metaphors so they can be criticized as text. Fucking postmodernists." --Axiomatic "Beware of taking advice from the very successful because, as a rule, they don't want company." --Dogbert "Anyone who believes in UFOs or extraterrestrials should be stoned." --Pat Robertson "Honestly, if you're given the choice between Armageddon or tea, you don't say 'What kind of tea?'" --Neil Gaiman "The tragic thing about that adaptation, for me, was that the artist apparently couldn't draw girls. Not a all. Like he'd missed life class entirely. Molly looks like a dude." --William Gibson, on the graphic novel adaptation of _Neuromancer_ "Normal is that which none of us quite are." --Robert Anton Wilson "Dissociative amnesia can be a survival trait if what you've experienced is worth dying over." --The Crisses Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." --Oscar Wilde "Some people like amateur porn because of its 'grittiness'; which is like enjoying authentic Central American water for the dysentery." --Ian Fortey, on amateur porn "Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right." -- P.J. O'Rourke "The nearest analogy to the addictive power of television and the transformation of values that is wrought in the life of the heavy user is probably heroin." --Terence McKenna "Let me tell you a little something about 'The People', Phil; you lock any ten of them in a room, they may not elect a leader, but I guarantee they'll pick someone to hate." --Senator Larson Crockett, _Witch Hunt_ "I don't understand it. I write about space vampires. I haven't published a peer-reviewed technical paper in more than a decade. And yet, these troublesome vestiges of credibility continue to haunt me." --Peter Watts, on being told that he wrote one of the 500 best science blog posts of 2009 "Anything that is in the world when you're born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that's invented between when you're fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things." --Douglas Adams "Hi, is that a central nervous system in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" --The Doctor "Those who will not reason are bigots, those who cannot are fools, and those who dare not are slaves." --Lord Byron "What the fuck, freebsd? Why did you break a system library?" --Roger Dingledine "You're going to direct me? That's really good, I need direction. I have no idea what I'm doing up there." --Ricardo Montalban, to director Nicholas Meyer on the set of _Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan_ "Wherever man is there will be representation of feces. We're basically bathed in feces as a society." --Philip Tierno, director of Clinical Microbiology and Immunology, Langone Medical Center, New York University "Any problem that can be solved with the assistance of rappelling gear is an interesting problem." --The Doctor "I'd like to see people actually get angry about the quality of the material that they are having shoved down their throats. It can't be good for us. And I would like to see people responding to that by basically following the old maxim that if you want a job done right you do it yourself. And this could not apply only to the arts but also politics. In the 21st century, if you see some situation you are not happy with, it's probably not the best idea to vote for somebody who tells you that they are going to do something about that situation if elected, because frankly they're not. Historically, they never do. If there is something that genuinely upsets you, don't vote for somebody who tells you that they are going to fix it. Try and fix it yourself; that's the only way it is going to get fixed." --Alan Moore "This need to rename cities and nations is a sign of mental illness." --Bruce Sterling, on the state of the world in 2010 "The universe has no malice, but neither has it mercy, and a miss is as good as a mile." --Robert Ettinger, 1968 "Grey hair: the gift that keeps on giving." --Bryce "It's gay house night at Giant!" --Lyssa "The character's coming to the end of his life, you're coming to the end of your life on the show, which has been all-consuming. Particularly back home, but all over the world, it's a huge deal. It's very important to people, and particularly to me, all of my life. So to be moving on from that - and I know I'll never say goodbye to it entirely; I'm sure The Doctor will travel with me as long as I'm on this Earth - that's very moving and emotional, and it was to film it." --David Tennant, on the regneeration of the tenth Doctor "Worst. Rescue. Ever." --The Tenth Doctor, _Doctor Who: The End of Time part two_ "To those of you gathering pitchforks and lighting torches: I am touched. Truly. And I would be the last one to dissuade anybody from resorting to violence, which I think has been vastly underestimated as a means of solving problems." --Peter Watts "Take some swordfish with you." --Bronwyn "That's gone beyond 'pretty damn cute' to 'pretty frickin' cute'." --Mers "Hey, look: I am comfortable enough with who I am to say that those pictures raise MY estrogen!" --Jason "Mr. Morden is two steps and a paycheque away from being an Amway rep." --Jason "It's a strange world when UA (Unknown Armies) makes more sense than the real world." --Hasufin "Dick Clark outlived Michael Jackson, a man made out of plastic!" --Jason "Dude - is Zombie Dick Clark on yet?" --Lyssa "We look like an illustration from old-school Mage: the Ascension." --Jade "He who controls the bacon controls the universe!" --Jason "I'm a vegetarian and I'm working on the Unified Bacon theory. What's wrong here?" --Amberite "Wait - this is a screwdriver! I can't write with a screwdriver!" --The Doctor "Tactical bacon: You keep it in your corset for when Jesus comes!" --Amberite "Al Bundy may be the mightiest of the Dark Gods!" --Jason "Saskatchewan is already a post-apocalyptic wasteland. I actually think global warming will make it nicer." --Peter Watts "Life is hard. Once you accept that fact, you won't be so disappointed when you screw up." --Sean Kennedy "The superfluous is very necessary." --Voltaire "Christmas carnage is vastly superior when small children are included! Now off to that most Jewish of Christmas traditions: dim sum!" --Gini "checking the coffee machine... empty - operator may not work as expected" --From the output of BDM's ./configure script "We need to remind the Colonial Marines of the ''don't ask, don't tell'' policy!" --The Doctor, on drunken inter-species hookups in _Starcraft_ "Oh, you have twine." "Well, yeah." "..and a power drill." --The Doctor and Hausfin "I've been doing reiki for the last four and a half hours. I feel like I've been giving head to a light socket." --Jason "I know you take great joy in cleaning those, but could you do so somewhere else?" --Hasufin, to Shiro the kitten cleaning himself "So, what if tentacles were fuzzy instead of slimy, like a cat?" "Oh, context would be LOVELY right about now!" --Jason and Jade "Screw this, I'll just go nuts." --Cate, while playing Arkham Horror "Nothing says 'Christmas' like shotguns and the walking dead." --Mika "Shadenfreude is the best spice." --Hasufin "How can you BOHICA against a kitten?" --Mika "History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." --Abba Eban "I'm a Christian first, and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it." --Ann Coulter (APO PANTOS KAKODAIMANOS!) "I don't like the tone of your phone. It's mocking me." --Anonymous Cow-orker Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. "Bullshit. God has horns." --Terry, _True Blood_ "Meat tree!" --Mika "Mmm.. shapeshifter." "The other white meat." "We call it 'shifty long pig'." --Lyssa, The Doctor, and Rene' "Hi. You are not stealthy, because you glow in the frickin' dark." --Mika, to Shiro the kitten "Is it comedic that I drew the lines, and I still have trouble coloring inside them?" --Rene' "The 'soul' is just that song that the brain sings." --Browwiw "Watch those evil thingies." --Cate, while playing Arkham Horror "Because, sir, revenge is a much more complicated instrument than romance. If romance is a knife, then revenge is nunchaku with boat propellers on each end and no off switch." --ParadoxBoy "All governments suffer a recurring problem: Power attracts pathological personalities. It is not that power corrupts but that it is magnetic to the corruptible." --Frank Herbert, _Chapterhouse Dune_ "I am being kept alive by Bawls, antihistimines, and Coke! What does that mean? --Lyssa "We don't do anything innovative. Leastways not something we'd get an award for. Possibly something we'd get a ten year stretch in Belmarsh for." --The BOFH, _Made Of Win_ "We need a new bathmat; I had to take the old one out back and shoot it. It was foaming at the mouth." --Hasufin "Cry 'havoc' and let loose the dolphins of sodomy." --Kyrin "We need some real wood in here." --Hasufin "I don't care about the Constitution." --Bill O'Reilly "A poor magickian is a poor magickian." --Anonymous "Trans-Siberian Orchestra: for those who want all the explosions and hair of a Motley Crue concert, but without that lowbrow aftertaste." --The Ferrett "The people who are trying to make this world worse aren't taking a day off. How can I?" --Bob Marley, 1976 "I learned the hard way that if you take a stand on any issue, no matter how insignificant, people will line up around the block to kick your ass over it." --Jesse Ventura "Things tend to work themselves out if you believe unflenchingly and make every effort, even when it seems quite hopeless. Never give up." --Rogue "THIS is my BROOMSTICK!" "I'm going to kick your Ash for that." --Hasufin and Rialian "Most minds aren't worth reading." --Ingo Swann "This stuff's pretty cool. We should buy it for fun to destroy the environment." --Lyssa "Empathize with stupidity and you're halfway to thinking like an idiot." --Ian M. Banks "Apple computers are for people who must consult their feng shui advisor before making an IT purchase." --Anonymous "It's a shame. Disco could have evolved into a mighty artform." "It did. It's called DDR." --Rialian and Helen "It has compatible suck!" --Hasufin "If you put Star Trek and Indiana Jones together, you get a good series!" --Hasufin "The naked is free. Sitting still is expensive." --Scraun "I'm the most obsolete one here, therefore, no intercourse for me." --Rialian "I throw myself on the mercy of the geeks!" --Helen "E-books! E-books taste great!" --Helen "Let me see - should I un-share the directory 'malware'?" --The Doctor "I'm not the owner of this drive? You all suck!" --Rialian "It must say something about my volunteering at the Whitman-Walker Clinic because I have a folder named 'Nurses' and it's not porn!" --Hasufin "The side that applies the rules in warfare loses, every time." --Jim Butterworth "Weekends are not 'rock and roll'. Weekends are the opposite of 'rock and roll'." --Amanda Palmer "1.5 terabytes of warm, yummy, anime goodness." --Hasufin "No animal, not even another human is more important to me than the lives of my children. The life of a child is more precious than anything on this Earth." --SpiritedTigress, on Baby Fae "There is no profit in might-have-beens, we learn from our mistakes." --G'Kar, _Babylon-5: Day of the Dead_ "Emo kids: they're what's for dinner." --Bryce "For the reviewers and the pundits and the critics and the net-stalkers who have done nothing but rag on this show for five years straight, it is also a giant middle finger composed of red neon fifty stories tall, that will burn forever in the night." --J. Michael Straczynski, on _The Deconstruction of Falling Stars_ "If a boss demands loyalty, give him integrity. But if he demands integrity, give him loyalty." --John Boyd "I have scarfed three mini-candy bars for energy before a long meeting. While I feel the thrill of power, I do not feel like Popeye." --The Ferrett "The important thing is to do good work, no matter what medium you do it in." --Roy Scheider "Whether we are based on carbon or silicon makes no fundamental difference. We should each be treated with appropriate respect." --Dr. Chandra, _2010: The Year We Make Contact_ "Having accurate file extensions would be nice. It's not like I'm asking for a pony." --Bryce "Oh, Lord, please don't let us screw up." --Alan Shepard (Shepard's Prayer) "I'm just going to sit over here until you tell me what the hell you're talking about." --Ivanova, _Babylon-5: Lines of Communication_ "Two rolls of (duct) tape equals a whole afternoon of fun!" "Fun for the whole family!" --Adam and Jamie, _Mythbusters_ "Process faster, intestines!" --Bryce "Where are the boobs?" "They're Reese's Cups, they don't need boobs." --Jason and Lyssa "Now that you've asserted your masculinity, could you zip up your pants now?" --Mika "There's no strategy to eat a giant pizza other than to eat the giant pizza." --Chris Cosentino, _Chefs Vs City_ "Politeness be damned, you have no pants." --Lyssa "Intelligence has nothing to do with politics!" --Londo Mollari, _Babylon-5: Point of No Return_ "The great thing about the Internet is its leveling effect; online all opinions are equally WORTHLESS." --Grant Morrison "JMS, what do YOU want?" "I'll have fries with that." --Unknown and J. Michael Straczynski "You know you're going gangsta when you don't put the signature food on the menu!" --Guy Fieri, on Thai food "Reiki: because you can't get acid in the United States anymore." --Bryce "He's like a kid who hasn't taken his ritalin. He's dragging a case of Jolt behind him, but no ritalin." --Anonymous contractor "Stop trying to do so much that you suck at doing any of it!" --Michael, Terminal23 "Nobody made a greater mistake than [they] who did nothing because [they] could only do a little." --Edmund Burke "Mastery of UNIX, like mastery of language, offers real freedom. The price of freedom is always dear, but there's no substitute. Personally, I'd rather pay for my freedom than live in a bitmapped, pop-up-happy dungeon like NT." --Thomas Scoville "What did he say?" "He said, 'We are both damned.'" "That is a small enough price to pay for immortality." --Lord Refa and Londo Mollari, _Babylon-5: The Coming of Shadows_ "When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one." --Epitaph of Leonard P. Matlovich, 1988 "I'm Caesar Gonzales, and you're watching _How Many Gringos Does It Take To Make A Fish Taco?_" --Caesar Gonzales, _Throwdown With Bobby Flay_ "To do what you did in an hour is supernatural, and perhaps not of this Earth." --Alton Brown, _The Next Iron Chef_ "Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in." --Carl Sagan "An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition." --Michael Korda "'We want information!'" "What the hell are you talking about?! I've got over a thousand hours of free media online! I can't shut up for twenty fucking minutes!" --Sean Kennedy "How do you sell being pissed off about having a mighty chrome-plated robowang?" --David J. Prokopetz "A .RAR file? Who the fuck uses .RAR files anymore?!" "..the pirates of the Internet?" --Hasufin and Lyssa "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes." --Ronald Reagan, 1984 "Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams." --Mary Ellen Kelly "I love mankind; it's people I can't stand." --Charles M. Schulz "I simply *have* to get one of those sonic crowd-dispersal things and incorporate it into my live act. Everytime a kickdrum hits I want people to fall to the floor and start writhing in agony as the calcium matrices of their bones hum." --Pegritz "Just because they've got 4+ years of Extended Support Period left doesn't mean they're going to get first-class treatment." --Larry Seltzer, on the XP remote DoS vulnerability that MS refuses to patch "Life gets SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING when you haven't had any REM sleep!" --Me "I've never been certain whether the moral of the Icarus story should only be, as is generally accepted, ''Don't try to fly too high,'' or whether it might also be thought of as, ''Forget the wax and feathers and do a better job on the wings.''" --Stanley Kubrick "I've had two hours of sleep and I feel GREAT, okay?!" --Lyssa "We spend a lot of time looking for our spaceships and jet-packs, but - and consider this bit, it gets bigger and weirder the more you think about it - in a matter of days we can genetically sequence a mutant virus that's jumped the species gap. People try to make an ordinary thing of that. There's a strong tendency to cast the present day, whenever that may be, as essentially banal and not what was promised. Stop looking for the loud giant stuff. The small marvels surround us." --Warren Ellis "What a collection of scars you have. Never forget who gave you the best, and be grateful. Our scars have the power to remind us that the past is real." --Hannibal Lecter, _Red Dragon_ "Some motherfucker's always trying to ice-skate up a hill." --Blade "Knock this back to the memories of Irene and Arlene, false though the memories may be." --Calder, _Newton's Wake_ "I learned a very important lesson that night. People believe whatever they read. Something magical happens once its put down on paper. They figure no one would have gone through the trouble if it wasn't the truth. Responsibility was my new watchman." --Eugene Morris Jerome, _Biloxi Blues_ "The only difference between right and wrong is the number of people who agree with you." --Sean Kennedy There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal friend. They may know something that we don't. They are probably avoiding a great deal of pain. "It's always so much more interesting to play the villains, and this guy is a real son of a bitch." --Michael Wincott, on playing Guy of Gisborne "Where the fuck did you come from?" "Big Bang? Primordial ooze? Divine hands of a benevolent creator? All possibilities, but recent events have given me doubts about the benevolent creator." --Tommy and Alex, _The Crow: Salvation_ "Just because I've been drug into the twenty-first century doesn't mean that I haven't been observing it from an anthropological point of view." --Hasufin "The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too." --Oscar Levant "To the guys who left dirty festering hamburger plates in the sink for over a week: You suck." --Dan Barlow, to whomever committed a war crime at HacDC "There's always going to be someone to spew a geyser of frothy sand from their engorged vagina." --Drohem "Listen, folks. I make and manufacture next-gen weapons for terrorists and freak-show lunatics. And I'm saying this - as that guy - what YOU do is completely evil. I might deal to murderers, but you guys.. you guys are addicting kids and then murdering them yourselves." --Ezekiel Stane, _Iron Man: The Five Nightmares_ "Dude, I have four cats. I wear more cat hair than /they do/!" --Orthaevelve "Anyone who makes /me/ look like the epitomy of maturity has serious problems." --Kyrin "A marriage performed in bare-ass chaps didn't make it - who would have thought?" --Dusk "Red Bull isn't the answer. I'm not sure what the question is, but Red Bull isn't the answer." --Jade "Kitty want crustacea!" --Bryce "Jason, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. Go play on the Internet." --Lyssa "We do not need TomTom, we have Jean-Jean. And a man whose ass can commit a war crime." --Jason "Here's the problem with being an ethical necromancer: all the cool stuff is unethical!" --Hasufin "I'm rockin' the Neapolitan ice cream look: here's the tan, here's the burn, and there's the white." --Dusk "We'll un-fuck this situation at a later date! Fall back!" --Terry, _True Blood_ "We measure attack surface in square miles round here." --Anonymous "It was an ''oh, my retinas!'' moment." --Anonymous cow-orker "This is Radio Free Nutter, 92.8 FM, bringing you the sound of mutant water squirrels biting the end of me knob." --Alice, _Freakangels_ "If I can't vote myself to be God, I'll vote for Henry Rollins!" --Jason "We've come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and we're right out of bubblegum." --Andrew Eldritch, San Francisco Maritime Hall 2-5-98 "One good thing about being a nerd, we're not often bored." "It's advantageous, being a self-entertaining lifeform sometimes." --Jason and the Doctor "If God chooses to be mythopoetic - and is not the sky itself a myth? - shall we refuse to be mythopathic?" --C.S. Lewis "There's a witch and a sonofabitch." --Jason Stackhouse, _True Blood_ "Zombies come in ninja-flavored, too??" --Ophelia, _Living Dead In Denmark_ "Find out just what any people will quietly submit to and you have the exact measure of the injustice and wrong which will be imposed upon them." --Frederick Douglas Hedonism: the radical notion that there is more to life than getting up and going to work every day. "I've made myself significantly more stupid after grad school - as therapy." --Lyssa "Serge has only the best intentions in mind, please cut him some slack and buy him some decaf." --Alberto "What's the difference between a pagan and a New Ager? How much money they earn." --Dionesia108 "I secrete glitter. And poo fairy dust." --Lyssa "We reject the view that copyright owners and their licensees are required to provide consumers with perpetual access to creative works. No other product or service providers are held to such lofty standards. No one expects computers or other electronics devices to work properly in perpetuity, and there is no reason that any particular mode of distributing copyrighted works should be required to do so." --Steven Metalitz "A dozen rabbits getting maimed in a wheat thresher is just an unfortunate side effect of your vegan diet; a dozen rabbits getting experimented on for a reason you don't understand is torture and unethical, even if it may alleviate pain and suffering for untold numbers of humans." --Smidge "I don't know what you is, but I'm feelin' ya. And you is a soulless bitch." --Lafayette to Mary Ann, _True Blood_ "Merry Warezmas." --Bryce "What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive?" --Irv Kupcinet "If I live to be 100, I will never understand why they keep so many damn weapons under the ring. It's like they want the wrestlers to use them on each other." --Jim Ross, WWE RAW "If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced." --Fox Mulder, _The X-Files: Fight the Future_ "Put this much brainpower all in one place with no oversight, you'll either get an explosion or a game of Dungeons and Dragons." --Captain Tagon, _Schlock Mercenary_ "We're not finding 'goodness' in any particular ethical or moral sense. I love the stories of Ikkyu, the enlightened Zen monk who, after his enlightenment, would carouse with prostitutes and get drunk. That's what he found, and he exasperated the more traditional authorities who had a set idea of what an enlightened person is supposed to look like." --Jay Michaelson "Great. Now you pissed off anon. Why didn't you pick on something *safe*, like the NSA or the Russian crime syndicates?" --Valdis Kletnieks, on attacking 4chan "It's going to be a walk in the park. And by that, I'm referencing a certain scene from _Escape From LA_." --Bryce "God, we're morbid." "That's why they pay us the big bucks - to stay out of PR." --Anonymous and Bryce "Lesson: Mars does not read requirements documents." --Robert Manning, MSL Chief Engineer "Evil is the premeditated choice to be a dick." --Jason Stackhouse, _True Blood_ "Oh, why did I open my mouth?" --Onivel, on seeing me quote him "That must have been one hell of a turd." "Please - we're in the DC area. Call it an act of Congress." --Onivel and Hasufin "I've offered my help, it was denied. I don't wish to get in the way of people and their clogged toilets." --Hasufin "So, porn, in other words." --Seele, on NURB modeling "Brian? It's like a vampire - you invited him in!" --Lyssa, on physical network attacks "Tomb Raider was the first game to make use of NURBs when modeling characters." "Which is why it was so popular!" "But it wasn't realtime!" --Seele, the Doctor, and Irregular Expression "By using NURBs, you can develop a more accurate set of curves..." --Seele "This is the very definition of a target rich environment!" --Onivel "I think if the human race can can develop a way to install and configure a cross-development environment without a week's worth of hassle, they would be one short step away from inventing artificial intelligence." --The Doctor "I think it's a mistake to look for accurate technical details in a publicly digestible press release." --Jason Duerstock "Rayguns. So fucking cool." --Anna Mercury "Success is like a fart - only your own smells nice." --James P. Hogan "Kitton: like a piton only you don't drive it into a rock face." --Hasufin "I simply wish to establish that the slurping is a bit distracting." --Hasufin "Ve need parts! Go kill ze little one!" --Perceptor, _Transformers 2_ "Mmm... ozone. This place is so full of nerd testosterone that if I fart I'll pass a lightning bolt!" --Jason "It pees when I burn! It pees when I burn!" --Kyrin, misquoting Dave Chappel "Semantics!" "No, genetics!" --Kyrin and Lyssa "You may have my husband's cock in your mouth." --Anonymous "You know what my scrotum really needs? Docking clamps!" --Jason "Was that a hiccough or a belch?" "It sounded like Pikachu had an orgasm." --Kyrin and Jason "It's not so much a cock as a pry bar." --Pegritz "I can't take you anywhere!" "No, dear, you can't take me anywhere because most of my preferred activities are felonies." --Mika and Hasufin "That's because I have a spite pump, it's not properly a heart. It pumps bile, you see..." --Kyrin "Between the wine and the cock, I'm a little drunk." --Lauren "There's a guy down by the pool who comes from the planet Trying Too Fucking Hard." --Jason "Whoever's next, rock thou out with thine cock out!" --Kyrin "They say the celebrities die in threes.. but trust Billy Mays to throw in an extra AT NO ADDITIONAL COST!" --Hasufin "I prefer to give people solutions that make their quality of life better today than do nothing because it's not perfect." --Martin Roesch "Anyone who makes ME look like the epitomy of maturity has serious problems." --Kyrin "A gentleman was supposed to prefer being a dead lion to being a live jackal. Me, I've always preferred to be a live lion, so that puts me outside the rules." --Lazurus Long "Kyrin, no violating the Elder Gods!" --Jason "Holy water is apparently the universal solvent." --Hasufin "I'm exercising due dilligence. I bill by the hour." --Anonymous "I have no need to play Solomon with my testicles as the mommmies!" --Jason, on penile bifurcation "I live near DC and carry a balance on my Citibank Visa card. At these interest rates, they won't let anything happen to me. The nation's capital is safe. As long as you don't ride the Metro, anyway." --ScentCone "I share much DNA with the freaky old sonofabitch." --Kyrin, on Father's Day "Objective journalism is one of the main reasons American politics has been allowed to be so corrupt for so long. You can't be objective about Nixon." --Hunter S. Thompson The mass driver: because nothing says "I love you" quite like relativistic bombardment with nickel-iron asteroids. "What mighty contests rise from trivial things." --Alexander Discordian Pope "Note to self: don't go pickin' up the random platypus." --Lyssa "I'm not so much a terrible person as I am an offensive person." --Kyrin "First, let me make it very clear, poor people aren't necessarily killers. Just because you happen to be not rich doesn't mean you're willing to kill." --George W. Bush, 19 May 2003 "The only reason they don't give this job to the service robots is because they've got a better union than us!" --Lister, _Red Dwarf_ "That should be the name of a condom: Full Bore" "Better Full Bore than Rifled Bore." --Mika and Hasufin "Jesus. How many nerds does it take to open a bottle of absinthe?" --Elliot "The fingers say 'go' but the brain says 'eat a dick, son'." --Kyrin "Hey, if they can write a TCP/IP stack for a Commodore 64, you can make that (Arduino) do what you want." "Hey - stuff it." --Bryce and Timball "My office is too depressing to look at porn in." --Elliot "Every scientific truth goes through three states: first, people say it conflicts with the Bible; next, they say it has been discovered before; lastly, they say they always believed it." --Louis Agassiz "We also recycle in this house!" --Bill, _True Blood_ "I'm just saying an Internet sex tape would not hurt." --Stephen Colbert "Oh, street carnage! Is there nothing you're appropriate for?" --Jon Stewart "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." --Arthur Schopenhauer "I can breach the blood/brain barrier in milliseconds." --Pegritz "EMACS key sequences are more complex than Mortal Kombat fatality combinations." --Sean McGowan "An elvish hamster would look like Greenpeace and Liberace were involved in the design of its cage." --Hasufin "Many things we do naturally become difficult only when we try to make them intellectual subjects. It is possible to know so much about a subject that you become totally ignorant." --Mentat Text Two (dicto) "What is he (Hasufin) doing in the closet??" "Playing with the night vision goggles." "Yes, I am in the closet." --Lyssa, the Doctor, and Hasufin "Machines don't need sentience to kill. They might need it to refrain from killing though." --Maximum Prophet "These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world... and then we fucked up the endgame." --Charlie Wilson "Wait a minute - I know that demented chuckle..." --Bryce "You know, I still don't know how Firemonkey fits in that little car - he's nearly seven feet tall! He's built like a crane fly. There's an episode of _In Search Of_ waiting to happen, there." --Bryce, on Firemonkey's Mini car "Politics and religion are just like software and hardware. They all suck, the documentation is provably incorrect, and all the vendors tell lies." --Andrew Dalgleish "There's a saying in medicine that if you don't laugh you'll cry, and if you don't cry you'll scream. And you'll never stop." --Orthaevelve "Dude! It's Ma Bell bringin' you the juice!" --Timball "What the hell is it with you and all those cameras?" "...I'm Asian?" --Serge and Timball "If they were so inclined, they could impeach him because they don't like his necktie." --Attorney General William Saxbe "What the hell chip is this?" "Idaknow. I found it on the ground along with those pills I took." --Elliot and Anonymous "If nobody knows, the answer is 'yes'." --Elliot "All of us can think of a book... that we hope none of our children or any other children have taken off the shelf. But if I have the right to remove that book from the shelf - that work I abhor - then you also have exactly the same right and so does everyone else. And then we have no books left on the shelf for any of us." --Katherine Paterson, American author of childrens books (1932-) "Nothing good has come from the Internet. Period." --Michael Lynton, CEO, Sony Pictures "I would like to play a normal girl before I die of extreme old age." --Summer Glau "Nuclear war would really set back cable." --Ted Turner "Yeah yeah, whatever. Shut up before I turn you into a Claymation character." --Thomas Ptacek (because it's his screenplay, dammit) "Robots today are where computers were in 1980." --Bill Gates "Is it a federal crime to like my coffee coffee-flavored?" --Rayne, _Doctor Who: Time Tales_ "Wogs run atomic!" --Sean Kennedy, on synching to atomic clocks "You know, Bryce, sometimes you're really fucking creepy." --Orthaevelve "If you overcook these puppies it's a sin." --Lyssa, on scallops "A dot zero release. May you live in interesting times." --Jim Cottrell, on KDE v4.0 glitches "Careful, Bryce, you sound like you're developing a sense of humor." --Lyssa "Anyone want a piece of cake?" "" "...in an enema." --A conversation never to have at work "Yellow means pain, red means death." --Cimmerian "At times the whole world seems to be in conspiracy to importune you with emphatic trifles." --Ralph Waldo Emerson "Need some more gold in your system?" "It's a better conductor than carbon." --Lyssa and the Doctor, on his love of Goldschlager "Did you ever take a dump and get recoil?" --Anonymous cow-orker "Now, a lot of people don't know that instant coffee actually contains more caffeine than regular coffee. So if you're just going for caffeine high, get the instant coffee. Now there's nothing.. official been sanctioned about these things, but I'm here to tell you this stuff is like crystal fucking meth, OK?" --Sean Kennedy TFM "I think I like the thought of hamsters powering Skynet. Just sayin'." --Lyssa "Politics are almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous. In war, you can only be killed once." --Winston Churchill "It's so much fun hanging out with peacocks. I get all of the floor show and none of the aggrevation." --Jason, on getting dressed to go clubbing "Okay, we've established that my sense of self-preservation is somewhere between Starscream and Steve Erwin.." --Hasufin "They're a strange people. But they're okay." --Londo Mollari on the Minbari, _Babylon-5: The Quality of Mercy_ "Could you make this work? Your flashlight hates me." "It hates me, too." "It hates you less." "It hangs on my ass all day." "...no comment." --Jade, Bryce, and Elliott "I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?" --Dr. Gregory House "When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." --Mark Twain "Are you still out there? Or have you ascended to a lower OSI network layer?" --Binder "The only thing that has ever been truly OSI 7 layer compliant is the Taco Bell 7 Layer Burrito." --Kent "Dogman" Dahlgren "I've seen Sun monitors on fire off the side of the multimedia lab. I've seen NTU lights glitter in the dark near the Mail Gate. All these things will be lost in time, like the root partition last week. Time to die..." --P. Gutmann There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know. "I'm hoping that this guy's actions don't count as fair use of my health records." --Richard Barnes, on the VPMP data breach "Don't read too much into the exact wording of the press. It's not [as if] they're going for sensationalism or anything." --Mark Smith Microsoft: you've got questions, we've got dancing paperclips. "Please excuse me, I've got to wash off all the blood first." --The Wrong Hands "Things are rarely just crazy enough to work but, but they're frequently just crazy enough to fail hilariously." --XKCD "I believe that the catastrophe story, whoever may tell it, represents a constructive and positive act by the imagination rather than a negative one, an attempt to confront the terrifying void of a patently meaningless universe by challenging it at its own game, to remake zero by provoking it every conceivable way." --J.G. Ballard "Can you enforce that shit? No? You're fucked, then!" --Sean Kennedy "Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business." --Tom Robbins "There's a RepRap in your bathroom!" "That's the RepRap Storage Facility." --Anonymous and Elliott "It's *always* time to fire up an NNTP server if a web forum is the alternative." --John Osmon "It's called cut-and-paste. Cut-cut-and-paste." --Bryce "It sounds like a herd of gerbils running across the keyboard." --E- S- "Any time someone puts a lock on something you own, against your wishes, and doesn't give you the key, it's not being done to your benefit." --Cory Doctorow "Let me issue and control a nation's money, and I care not who writes its laws" --Mayer Amchel Rothschild "I try not to think with my gut. Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in." --Carl Sagan "If your sex toys require a UPS, you might want to re-think what you're into." --Bryce "The World Wide Web was precisely what we were trying to PREVENT-- ever-breaking links, links going outward only, quotes you can't follow to their origins, no version management, no rights management." --Ted Nelson "As you make a prototype, assume you are right and everyone else is wrong. When you share your prototype, assume you are wrong and everyone else is right." --Diego Rodriguez "I am not in favor of immortality. I believe death for humans is the way of getting rid of accumulated errors - as in trial and error. Without death, the old folks would start to gang up on the babies (the new trials). Immortality ---> immortal mistakes." --Esther Dyson "Stupid goddamn plastic package on my new SD card: 'HAHA YOU CAN'T OPEN ME!' Me: 'Oh. Really? My Leatherman gives me +10 to open, fucker.'" --Wil Wheaton "The relationship of editor to author is knife to throat." --Unknown "Watch this, I'm gonna redecorate in brain matter grey! Wham!" --Sean Kennedy "Yes, it is easy not to believe in monsters, considerably more difficult to escape their dread and loathsome clutches." --Stanislaw Lem, _The Cyberiad_ "Nothing pretty survives the holocaust." --Lyssa, on _Fallout 3_ "If you had a belt made out of me, you'd turn into a nerd." --Hasufin, on the loup-garou "Whenever someone thinks that they can replace SSL/SSH with something much better that they designed this morning over coffee, their computer speakers should generate some sort of penis-shaped sound wave and plunge it repeatedly into their skulls until they achieve enlightenment." --Peter Gutmann "Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, the suffering, humiliation, and loneliness of a human being can now be extended for years. And perhaps that's how it's supposed to be." --Neil Strauss, _Emergency_ "Dude, he must've given you the Dragon Punch to your rectum! Do you have chi fire burns in your colon? Was he shouting 'Shoriyuken!'?" --Kyrin (who else?) "He can be so difficult when I want to get my way!" --Lyssa "Beware the seeds you sow and the crops you reap. Do not curse God for the punishment you inflict upon yourself." --Orange Catholic Bible, from _Dune_ "The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us." --Paul Valery "Facebook: the great equalizer." --Lyssa "Never ask someone who was cloned in a lab and given a serial number to name a pet." --Solo "Nothing, and I mean nothing, can prepare you for a thousand screaming Girl Scouts. That is fear." --Duff, _Ace of Cakes_ "When something can be read without effort, great effort has gone into its writing." --Enrique Jardiel Poncela "Government security seems to be the dumping ground for people who can't cut it in ops." --Anonymous Co-worker "No, I didn't rob the cradle, I robbed the grave. Get it right." --Mika "Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power." --Eric Hoffer "When Fate taps you on the shoulder, you'd best pay attention. Unfortunately, she has the blasted habit of tapping you on the opposite shoulder, so that when you turn around she's actually on your other side, giggling like a schoolgirl. I hate that." --Harlequin "Save them all, let the ER sort 'em out." --The Wrong Hands "None of you seem to understand! I'm not locked in here with you! You're locked in here with me!" --Rorschach, _Watchmen_ "Who copyedits Alan Moore, for God's sake??" --Dick Girdano, former managing editor, DC Comics "It doesn't matter if you're a hamster running in a wheel or a cool hamster driving an awesome car, you're still a hamster stuck in a cage." --Bryce "Mathematicians often resort to something called Hilbert space, which is described as being n-dimensional. Like modern sex, any number can play." --James Blish, "Beep/The Quincunx of Time" "It is my opinion that critics are not creators, rarely are they teachers, mostly delegated to guide those that require guidance from others as to what to tune into and what to do." --Ricardieu "A lot of chemistry is pornography in disguise - you just have to know where to look for the functional groups." --Alexander Shulgin "When the center of the storm does not move, you are in its path." --Ancient Fremen Wisdom "Well, he does have training in biofeedback..." "Biofeedback?! Bryce has frickin' implants in his head!" "..I wasn't going to mention that, thanks." --Unknown, Serge, and Bryce, on the OCZ NIA "The day before a breach, the ROI (Return On Investment) is zero. The day after, it is infinite." --Dennis Hoffman, on intrusion detection/prevention systems "I think every goddamned disease in the world is improved by feeling happy and good." --Robert Anton Wilson "All I know about Trojans is that they're condoms. I don't know anything about condom horses." --Anonymous co-worker, on malware "Ignorance on fire is better than brilliance on ice." --Anonymous CEO "Fair use is the last refuge of the scoundrel!" --Larry Kenswil, Universal Music "A while back the Republican Party ceased to be a viable political organ, and is now the greatest, most elaborate ongoing prank in history." --Anonymous "Okay, if you're in the band, you have to go. Yes, even you, Kurt." --Sayaka, on InSoc concerts Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. "The first man who sets foot on another planet and says 'I am not leaving!' - that man will be a wog." --Sean Kennedy "Maybe he's, like, a Jewish Jedi, or something. He wants to show you the ways of the Schwartz." --M- "It appears we're running Microsoft Exchange Server version Error Code: 500 Internal Server Error over here." --Bryce "I supposed I'd rather be wrong from time to time, then be the asshole who did nothing." --Captain Robert, on doing the right thing The four sysadmins of the apocalypse: edquota, rm -rf /, kill -9, and shutdown "On the Kinsey Scale, elves are about (pi * i)." --Rialian "Welcome to Thundergarden! Two trees enter, one tree leaves!" --Digital Sidhe "Christianity does not preach the gospels to offer man a guide to salvation. It uses the gospels as a weapon in the ideological conquest of man." --Simon Ewins "We need, like, passive-aggressive, emo Jedi." --Sean Kennedy "What did you change the password to?" "'password'." "The one I didn't try - some hacker I am." "At least you broke out your copy of _The Necronomicon_, first. That gives you style points." --T- and the Doctor "Lose your mind, not your focus!" --P- "They [readers] don't have the right to read a book out loud." --Paul Aiken, executive director of the Authors' Guild "Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other 'sins' are invented nonsense. Hurting yourself is not sinful, just stupid." --Robert A. Heinlein "And you will have manly pork chops tonight. Manly. That is the only way to describe those chops. You will grow hair and your balls will drop if you eat them. In your case, your hips will go less wide and you may start liking football." --Lyssa "It is never too late to be what you might have been." --George Eliot "If it changes colors, you're a pimp." --C- "If you can't defend, attack." --"Wyatt Earp" "We get carbon credits for not operating that coffee maker. It draws more watts than the microwave." --C- "If your threat model involves organized crime decapitating people that work in your office and using superconducting quantum interference detectors on their severed heads to extract traces of proprietary information, chances are that you are not working under a realistic threat model." --The Doctor "Uh-oh. The Danger Zone." --Anonymous analyst, on watching me boot up Windbringer "A man who mistakes secrets for knowledge is like a man who, seeking light, hugs a candle so closely that he smothers it and burns his hand." --Master Foo, _Master Foo and the MCSE_ "Domain controllers are sort of like hermit crabs. It sounds like there should only be one, but in reality they like to run in packs." --The Standalone Sysadmin "If it's in the news, don't worry about it. The very definition of 'news' is 'something that hardly ever happens.'" --Bruce Schneier "Google has facts. Cities have secrets." --Kevin Slavin "A certified idiot is still an idiot." --Anonymous "I would like to thank Ceiling Cat for this nom we are about to recieve!" --Hasufin, waxing evangelical "Bacon salt: proof that alchemy really works!" --The Doctor "I believe not your fuzzy lies!" --Hausfin, to one of his cats "Are you practicing being cryptic?" --Anonymous Contractor "'Your argument does not impress me.' What the hell?!" --T-E- "Methyl butyl ketone - cool! Wait a minute, doesn't that cause cancer in lab mice?" --Bryce "Oh, my God - I ate a pickle, chips, and a piece of cake. And I'm not even ovulating!" --A-P- "Generally speaking, all of my motors are print statements." --The Doctor "Nothing like a little phone sex before you propose." --Carson Kressley "'Errata'? That's a little too close to 'erotica'." "It _is_ debugger porn..." --A-C- and Bryce "Somebody's got a case of the Mondays!" "Yeah, fifty-three times a year." "...goddammit." --T-B- and Bryce "The trick is, maintaining that perspective. It's really easy to twist yourself so that you can keep the rationalizations in place, but the stress of maintenance is overpowering. It's not a matter of if you fail; its when. So you have to be able to establish drills so you have a plan to get back on track." --Sean Kennedy "Dyn-o-mite is great! It's like Tetris plus bubble wrap!" --Lyssa "Encase is THE BOMB! It found me MP3's I didn't even know I had!!" --Timball "Lots of places have a Cardiff." --MMSword, on my discovery of Cardiff, Maryland "I don't care - hell with resentment." --Ingo Swann "The deadliest bullshit is odorless and transparent." --William Gibson "Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music, and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers, and warriors." --Hunter S. Thompson "Sitting Bull 3:16 means I just kicked your ass!" --Bronwyn "I can't wait to see ''Multiple XSS SCADAXYZ 0day'' by huSSein_sup3r_h4x0r on Bugtraq." --Jeremy Brown "Six months of AI programming will make you think there is a God. Six months of tech support and you'll know there isn't." --Girl In Training "L'enfer ne peut attaquer les paiens." (Hell holds no terror for pagans.) --Arthur Rimbaud "I read your plan file and I realize we live XKCD." --Lyssa "I just wanted to make out with her. Ok, and maybe tie her up with gaffer tape." --Amanda Palmer, on Katy Perry "..and control-v is paste!" "Which we should all be eating by now." --M- and Bryce "I cannot be all things to all people. I am just me and you get what there is, not what you ask for." --Chris Knadle "Let us resolve to be masters, not the victims, of our history, controlling our own destiny without giving way to blind suspicions and emotions." --John Fitzgerald Kennedy "Some people are not okay, they're sons of bitches." --Robert Anton Wilson "The only intelligent way to discuss politics is on all fours." --Timothy Leary "The world IS your imagination, have you forgotten?" --Lorenzo "You're encouraging Pegritz. What did we tell you about that?" --Lyssa Chuck Norris starts every day with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe. "When New York City goes silent, you're fucked." --Bryce "...And it's a criminal offense! When you apply for a job, you'll have to own up to having a criminal record." "I already have a criminal record; I work for Greenpeace." --Overheard on the DC Metro's Orange Line "Disagreements over technical aspects or processes are fine, even encouraged. However, personal attacks, flames, or snide remarks will make your moderator grumpy and, like some kind of retarded Hulk, ''You won't like it when I'm grumpy.''" --Erin Carroll, moderator, pen-test mailing list "When you airdrop a crate of technology on a segment of the economy that's not accustomed to managing it, well, you're going to get a certain amount of mayhem." --George Hulme "We didn't get the buy-in we thought we were going to have." --Every security analyst or engineer, at one time or another "If one more person from Louisiana calls me up to tell me it's snowing, I'm going to start hanging up on them!" --M- "Goddammit, _Howard the Duck_?! I thought I'd been a better influence on him." --Lyssa, on my love of bad movies "The captain always goes down with the ship, Jack! I'm just the engineer!" --MacGyver "Reed Richards /would/ have a prehensile cock, wouldn't he?" --Lyssa "It's like a party in my mouth and everyone's throwing up." --Fry, _Futurama_ "I'm only unhappy because so many angry men are trying to convince me to be unhappy, and it pains me to have to spend a lot of my energy ignoring them." --Amanda Palmer "Good old Myspace, always good for a laugh. Granted, it might be an akward, questionable, whimpering laugh that makes you feel like you've been coated in thin, syphilitic layer of slime that makes you want to take a shower in antibiotics, but a laugh nontheless." --Pyrotech C3H8 "Could you pass me the angle grinder?" --Nick "Oh, piff. This doesn't need anything more than some love and three gallons of vinegar." "Please, if you show it any love, clean it before you bring it back." --Hasufin and Serge "Dear, may I point out something? We don't need a comic to tell us who we are." --Lyssa "That is some Laughing Man, badass shit if you can hack incoming rounds! Dude, you're a ninja!" --Sean Kennedy, on the Pentagon's press release on guided rifle bullets "We're still being challenged in Iraq and the reason why is a free Iraq will be a major defeat in the cause of freedom." --George W. Bush "If my coffee isn't sentient and fighting for its life when I drink it, it's not strong enough." --Bryce "The great thing about object oriented code is that it can make small, simple problems look like large, complex ones." --Anonymous "I missed the days when super computers looked like alien technology or Raiders of the Lost Ark." --Suso "An older student came to Otis and said, ''I have been to see a great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures. I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment. I have given up everything I was asked to give up and I have suffered, but I have not been enlightened. What should I do?''" "Otis replied, ''Give up suffering.''" --Camden Benares, "Zen Without Zen Masters" "Oh, dear. Usually, calling on a Time Lord for help means things have gone way wrong." --Hasufin "Virginia's solved the problem of low-cost housing: it's called Maryland." --Lyssa "Is this your sewing machine?" "Yes, but that doesn't imply understanding." --Cate and Hasufin "Stealth is what Riddick uses to get into position." --Hausfin "_The Chronicles of Riddick_: Vin Diesel's favorite AD&D campaign!" --Lyssa "Rice Krispies are the only living thing in this picture, remember that." --Bronwyn "Aah, the Gygaxian prose..." --Nick "Everybody is somebody else's weirdo." --Dykstra "What the fuck was Paris thinking?! Five thousand years later and we're still asking that question!" --Hasufin "But it lacks subtlty..." "Wait, what the fuck were the words that just came out of your mouth?! You're sitting here trading Doomsday Scenarios and you want SUBTLTY?!?" --Hasufin and Mika "Yeah, you can overpower blashphemy with mango salsa." --Hasufin "What is born shall live. What lives must die. Between the two, seek out the Dragonfly." --Rogue "You're a foo fighter on the gaydar screen, Hasufin." --The Doctor "Personally, I don't often talk about social good because when I hear other people talk about social good, that's when I reach for my revolver." --Eric Raymond "If we give up our preserved giant squids, then surely the terrorists have won." --Bruce Schneier "Grab a shovel, I'm only one skull short of a Mousketeer reunion!" --Bender, _Futurama_ "I'm sorry, I can't show you my wedding pictures. The local web proxy has my website filed under 'Adult entertainment'." "Whoa! What else do you have on your website?!?" "...Perl Scripts Gone Wild?" --The Doctor and anonymous cow-orker "With pop-country, evil needs no goatee." --Danarama When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it. "It's better to be a ninja than a pirate - they never even knew you were there." --Sean Kennedy "That's the best sleep ever." "What, falling asleep on the subway?" "No, before a colonoscopy." --Anonymous Co-workers "ACPI is a complete design disaster in every way. But we're kind of stuck with it. If any Intel people are listening to this and you had anything to do with ACPI, shoot yourself now, before you reproduce." --Linus Torvalds "I think our Intertubes need more fibre." --The Doctor "Let's grow old together." "Yeah, I've got a few more grey hairs to give you." "Your hairline's receeding nicely." --Lyssa and Bryce "In this crowd, obsessions and compulsions run the gamut. So long as someone isn't going up and stapling themselves to the wall, we're doing all right." --Jason "The secret of success in synthetic chemistry is knowing what you can afford not to worry about." --Derek Lowe, Ph.D "M-, are you smoking crack again?!" --Things you never want to hear your manager say in a meeting "Are you trying to look like a dork, or is it natural?" "It's a gift. In the superpower lottery, I think I got the booby prize." --Lyssa and the Doctor "Tongue in cheek? No, tongue not in cheek. Serious as tongue hacked off with machete!" --Max Brooks "I will not use the Programs for, and will not allow the Programs to be used for, any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, for the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, chemical or biological weapons of mass destruction." --From Oracle's license agreement "Ignore the fools, they would not know classical beauty if it hit them over the head with a Hello Kitty doll." --Dusza Beben "Oh, baby, you give me Pac-Man fever! Wock-wock-wock-wock!" --Anonymous cow-orker "The Future of Science Fiction? We're living in it. Those ''Future History'' charts in the back of every Robert A Heinlein paperback, when I was about 14, had the early 21st century tagged as the ''Crazy Years''. He had an American theocratic dictatorship happening about then. I hope we miss that one. Otherwise, I'm assuming these are those years." --William Gibson "This place makes me want to do evil, evil things to FIPS 140-2 compliant crypto modules." --The Doctor, on his honeymoon The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision. "Put the TV on. Pretend people live here." --Lyssa "If the good guys can't even participate, the bad guys will always win." --Bruce Schneier, on the perils of banning security research "You start off by making absolutely pure anhydrous hydrogen azide, which is a proposal that you don't hear very often around the lab, and is the sort of thing that leads to thoughts of career changes." --Derek Lowe, Ph.D, In the Pipeline: Things I Won't Work With "That's libertarians for you - anarchists who want police protection from their slaves." --Coyote, _Green Mars_ "Edge play: when you might need power tools." --Anonymous "Children are like crystal meth: Great for other people as long as you're far away." --The Doctor "Some people, when confronted with a problem, think ''I know, I'll use regular expressions.'' Now they have two problems." --Jamie Zawinski "Injuries build character. Too much character results in death." --Anonymous "Dictatorships and tyrannical rulers are only bad if you're on the wrong side." --Anonymous "I guess the moral here is: you must be careful what you pretend to be because in the end you are who you're pretending to be." --Mother Night "Threefish can't possibly be broken yet; we only just announced it yesterday. No one knew of its existence before then. I think your intertubes are clogged." --Bruce Schneier "Did you make coffee?" "I made coffee suitable for humans." --T-S- and the Doctor "Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." --Antoine de Saint-Exupery "The rest of us - and there are a lot of us - are watching you." --Andrew Eldritch "Who the hell is - whatthefuck is that?!" --T-G-'s introduction to the Cruxshadows "So, you're a post-modernist?" "No, I just like playing fast and loose with things that take themselves too seriously." --Anonymous and the Doctor "One of the things our grandchildren will find quaintest about us is that we distinguish the digital from the real, the virtual from the real." --William Gibson "She has the hottest denim knees I've ever seen." --Johnny Long "It's amazing that the closer something we want comes, the more we imagine wild and terrifying things taking that something from us." --Silicon Rose "You can buy my heart with pastry. I won't object." --Orthaevelve "Bryce Lynch! You are NOT Rickrolling our wedding!!!" --Lyssa "You mean there's pork in this ham?!" --Anonymous "Time flies when you're going crazy." --Cate "A mouse is a device for pointing at the Xterm you want to type in." --from alt.sysadmin.recovery "Wait, what the fuck is that??" "I'll take ''Things you never want to hear in the wiring closet'' for a thousand, Alex." --B-G- and Bryce "Chip, you fucking terrify me sometimes." --Warren Ellis "It's going to suck, but Fidonet will rise again." --Jim Selleck "Christ, he ninja-bombed me again!" --T-G- "Did you just have a conversation with my cock?" "Yup." --Bryce and Lyssa "I've got root!!" --Lyssa, while exchanging our wedding vows "There is much that Bryce needs to learn about emergency wedding supplies. For example, why do you have _The Perl Pocket Reference_ in there??" --Hasufin, on the contents of my wedding survival kit "It is important to have scary demons in our world on film. We have them in the world. That is why we are afraid, it is nice to have a visual and to have a confrontation with it." --Brad Dourif, on horror movies "Weddings are like server migrations: there's always shit to deal with the next morning, assuming that there wasn't a crash." --Lyssa "Any Arabic lyrics you hear in my songs do NOT come from the Qu'ran, however, so there shouldn't be any weird issues with temperamental Muslims. Y'all know I only take lyrics from the Al-Azif, and Cthulhu cultists are all very supportive of my music, as it encourages their goals of waking the Great Sleeper from his aeons-long seafloor nap." --Pegritz "Biswick? Who the hell is Biswick?! I told you to write neatly!" "I didn't write that. I started at 'Jean'." "...OH, SNAP!!" --Lyssa, the Doctor, Jason and Hasufin "You look like a were-jellyfish with your hair down like that." --Orthaevelve "So, what would you give for a 500th anniversary, depleted uranium?" --Jason, on anniversary gifts "Here's the address for the salon." "Is it written in a language I can understand?" "How are you with Hebrew?" --The Doctor and Lyssa "Hey, we were under budget for felonies for the bachelor's party!" --Hasufin "We're getting married tomorrow, motherfucker." --Lyssa, 20081024 "A bored Sean is a dangerous Sean, but it does make for some good filming." --Sean Kennedy "Are you mad at me?" "I haven't had my first cup of coffee yet. I'm mad at everyone." --Lyssa and Bryce "Don't pack that comb yet, Lys, I still look like Alan Moore." --Bryce, shortly after getting out of the shower "It's one thing to sing showtunes at work, but another to sing showtunes about cannibalism at work." --The Doctor "Hey, look - bubbles! Isn't science fun?" --Alton Brown "Yes, I do look like a giant Amish mobster...that or a well-dressed wizard." --Mr.G "Some of the best field trips end up in the morgue." --Orthaevelve "COBOL is the programming equivalent of huffing paint." --Hasufin "I'm not the expert on how the Iraqi people think, because I live in America, where it's nice and safe and secure." --George W. Bush, 20040923 "This may have been the geekiest bachelor's party in history. We went on a Segway tour of downtown DC, we sat at an English pub drinking coffee, we went to a restaurant to drink expensive imported beer, and the one thing that got us going the most was...?" "The science experiment?" "Exactly!" --Hasufin and the Doctor, on the Doctor's bachelor's party "Just as Kirk was an extension of Gene Roddenberry's penis, Zeus was the collective penis of Greece. Penii... good lord." --Kash "Saturday I'm going to my first ever bachelor party, and since I'm going with fellow nerds, it'll be more than a nudie bar." --Jason "Hulk smash brown sugar!" --Lyssa "There will be two ranking members of Team Ryoga and one member of Team Tom Baker in your bachelor's party. If we don't have an external navigation system of some kind, there's no guarantee that we'll return to this planet, let alone this time before the wedding." --Hasufin "Your Y chromosome's showing." --Lyssa "Dammit, even my mom can get FIOS!" --Bryce "The first two verses are guide lyrics, words just scribbled down to have something to sing. Couldn't come up with anything better, so we kept them. Everybody gets lucky sometimes..." --Per Gessle, on the lyrics to _The Look_ "All the really fun stuff is evil and/or illegal." --Hasufin, on my bachelor's party "The suburbs bear only a passing resemblence to the real world." --Bryce "Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." --Susan Ertz, _Anger in the Sky_ "Stop throwing the Constitution in my face, it's just a goddamned piece of paper!" --George W. Bush "Logan, this is us. The ''bad old days'' could be as recent as three weeks ago." --Cyclops, _Astonishing X-Men #27_ "You'll be able to tell if your web traffic has been snooped by the authorities because all your lolcats will arrive dead!" --Sakdoctor, on quantum data transfer "Dude, it's going to be you, Bryce, Jarin, and the twins. I'm bringing my jump kit." "Wait, is that the quote for the day?" "No, it's truth." --Orthaevelve and Lyssa "If you think you know what the hell is going on, you're probably full of shit." --card on Robert Anton Wilson's desk "In the battle for your soul, it is best to be covert." --Sean Kennedy "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." --Mark Twain "I hate to tell you this, but you look like you're secretly the demon in an 80's horror flick. Those eyes look menacing." --Hasufin, on Lyssa's senior picture "I'm going to say something to you that you'll never hear at work: I'll suck your cock if you audit my machine. You see, first of all, no one will EVER ask you to audit their machine for them. Second, no one will ever proposition you for auditing their machine." --Lyssa "Ninjas for Obama?" --The Wrong Hands "I use organic produce wherever possible. Organic produce often costs a little more, and looks a little funny. It does, however, taste a lot better, and it is better on your system. Trust a man who is 95% toxins on this." --Warren Ellis "Reason for restriction: Forbidden Category ''Job Search''" --from a Shorewall web proxy error page "The inevitable result of trying to ban something - book, film, play, pop song, whatever - is that far more people want to get hold of it than would ever have done if it were left alone." --Philip Pullman "I'm a dangerous guy in a fight. I get taken out so fast that people are injured by the flying shrapnel." --Bryce (with apologies to Douglas Adams) "Music is there to enrich your life and make you aware of things in a slightly different way." --Andrew Eldritch "Why does God get all the cool worshippers, and we get all the RETARDS?" --Clown, _Spawn_ "You're only as old as the actor they hire to play you." --Alexius Pendragon Quantum physics is to regular everyday physics as a David Lynch film is to a mainstream blockbuster. "I could only watch about 30 seconds of that, and I think I lost more sanity points than if Nyarlathotep showed up at my door and offered to cook me pancakes. Now I'm going to be in the corner gibbering and drooling for the next 12 hours. Thanks a lot. You bastard." --Masque "I don't really care so much about the humane aspects of it [leather] - I think it's unfortunate that we've gotta kill cows, but I've got to keep my pants up. So there." --Sean Kennedy "See, this is the problem with theoretical physiccs. Someone's always gotta get shot." --Tony, _Real Life Comics_ "If you give people freedom but don't teach them to value it, they won't hold on to it for long." --Richard M. Stallman "Ziggy still hasn't forgiven me." "Honey, Ziggy's a bitch." --Bryce and Lyssa, on his cat "In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death." --Joan D. Vinge "This Stream of Consciousness has been brought to you by Citizens for Titan. Please have your hermaphroditic lizardling pet spayed and neutered." --Jason "It's Alton Brown. There will be bacon." --Bryce "People like things that make them laugh. So let them laugh. I am *still* their Emperor." --Emperor Joshua Norton I "Blogging is the new masturbation. Little effort, quick release and wait for someone else to slip on your 'leavings'." --Clym Angus "It's ok, only a small number of architectures were affected. You only have something to worry about if you have some x86 boxes. :-)" --Dragos Ruiu, on the compromise of some of the Fedora Project's servers in August of 2008 "Time to bust out the CAT-5 of nine tails! A hundred megabits of love, bitch!" --Bryce "Birthdays are nature's way of telling us to eat more cake." --M-S- "If someone told us that God spoke to them through a toaster, we would conclude that this person is insane. I fail to see how presence or an absence of the toaster makes a difference." --Sam Harris "I gotta get ahead NOW to fake it tomorrow." --Lyssa "The dish washer is not a cat toy." --Cate "Beta-carotine is the only way I get any color in my skin." --Bryce "The transmigration of souls is not supposed to involve Ethernet." --Hasufin "U-S-Bizzle?" --Tito "I only do invertebrates well." --Orthaevelve, on designing tattoos "It looked very cute for a decaying dead creature." --Orthaevelve, on the Montauk Creature "Did someone just say 'tit old bitties'?" "Yo!" --Dusk and Mika "Working on an HP laptop is like trying to open the puzzle box from _Hellraiser_. I'm afraid that if I get the bottom off of your laptop, chains are going to shoot out of it." --Bryce "Steal the covers again and I'll kick your kitty ass." --Lyssa "I hate musicals. Musical comedy makes my balls itch, frankly. And no-one wants that." --Warren Ellis "Chaos, destruction, mayhem, and evil laughter all get me in the mood. I am also very into domination... of the world variety. Just makes me tingle all over." --Sir Newt Sixsmith "Those who have the best tools win." --Blake Cornell "...it's a process, right?" --I/O Error, on database security "Yesterday, he smelled and looked liked a hermaphroditic lizard." --Orthaevelve "Always two there are, a BOFH and a PFY." --John Anderson "All that testosterone is going right to your head." "I know! It's disturbing to think like a boy for the first time in fifteen years." "You still act like a girl! My mom still thinks you're gay! What's the problem??" --Lyssa and Bryce, on turning back into a male "Great, we're listening to WHIT. All Whitney Houston, all the time." --Bryce, on the IHOP on route 270 "That's the most metal vibrator I've ever seen." --Bryce, on a partially disassembled Hitachi Magic Wand "Before I was born, I was dead for billions of years. It never caused me a moment's inconvenience." --Mark Twain "I eat a lot of ketchup because I'm an ex-yinzer. In Pittsburgh, the ketchup flows like water.. because it's better than the water." --Bryce "I had this vision one day driving past the local Ikea store - are the stores delivered as a flat pack and a really big allen wrench?" --H. MacHinery "If you are brave too often, people will come to expect it of you." --Mignon McLaughlin "It ain't gay if you're away!" --Anonymous US Navy officer, on same-sex relationships while at sea "God works in mysterious ways." "Maybe so, but he's a con man compared to the Vorlons." --Sinclair and Garibaldi, _Babylon-5: Deathwalker_ "I'm a time traveler. I point at archeologists and laugh." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Silence In the Library_ "You got peanut butter on my cock!" "You got your cock in my peanut butter!" "Two great tastes that taste great together!" --Lyssa and Laurelinde The problem with most conspiracy theories is that they seem to believe that for a group of people to behave in a way detrimental to the common good requires intent. "I am terrified and reassured to know that there are still wonders in the universe... that we have not yet explained everything." --G'Kar, _Babylon-5: Mind War_ "Monkey-controlled robots have upgraded from leg control to arm control, it seems. I don't consider this a useful advance. Monkeys are well known, after all, for, well... non-consensual sexual activities. And I frankly refuse to end my life desperately trying to fend off a monkey-powered robot fisting. I mean, is that really the future you wanted?" --Warren Ellis "Three token rings for Google Kings, crawling the web, Seven for the Yahoo-lords in their halls of code, Nine for 4-Chan men, caught in Meme's flow and ebb, One for the Dard Lord on his dark throne In the Land of Redmond, where the Shadows lie. One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Redmond, where the Shadows lie." --Hikaro Takayama "Vaya con Diablos!" --Jason "She is evil. Her mother is more evil." "You know how sawed-off shotguns are cooler than regular shotguns?" "Point to you, sir." --Rialian, Scraun, and Jason "..so what do you never do, as you put your pants back on?" --Scraun "A technomage is capable of great amounts of mayhem and damage... if he could only remember his password." --Hasufin, on me when I'm drunk "Don't mind me, I have to take him out back for his morning spanking." "I'll take ''things I didn't need to know about my co-workers'' for $500, Alex." --Anonymous and Bryce "Don't ever drop a straightline like that again. I won't be able to help myself." --Jason "As opposed to taking it like a handicap in bowling?" --Jason "Rialian? Please don't /accidentally/ die. I'd be humiliated." --Hasufin "There are under-aged people here, we'll have to watch ourselves." "What were you planning on doing?!" "I don't know but I like to keep my options open." --Sarah and Mika "Ah, life. You fuck with me, but I still love you. Between humans that's considered a dysfunctional relationship. With you, I believe it probably is as it should be." --Mark Nicholas "Whaddya mean, it's not going to turn out?" --Bobby Flay "I like to have SCSI on as many machines as possible. Apart from speed, it's often convenient to borrow drives from the Sisters armoury." --Andrew Eldritch weighs in on drive interfaces "If you think of how big this planet is and what a small space we inhabit on it, everything mankind has made is little more than a faint scattering of mold on the shell of an egg. It's big to us, but in the scheme of things we're clinging to the skin of a planet, living inside a thin tissue of atmosphere that isn't even a footnote in the scheme of things. Yet somehow we think we're the whole of the universe because we perceive so little. I thought about that as I walked to the Chik Fil-A and none of that bothered me. It's just who we are, is all. Little sacks of meat and blood and hope, ambling strangely through a universe that doesn't care about us. Doing our best to scrape out a little bit of happiness along the way." --The Ferrett "I guarantee that no octopi find the Mellon Arena ice. If they do, the dude who throws better run straight out of the building before some yinzer and his mullet from Lawrenceville pummel his face." --CityofChampions6658, on on the Detroit Red Wings tradition of throwing dead octopi on the ice during the Stanley Cup playoffs for good luck "I'd rather be a cyborg than a goddess." --Donna Haraway "NOTE: PIRATES SAY DIRTY WORDS. ABNEY PARK'S LEGAL REPRESENTATION WOULD LIKE TO WAIVE ALL LIABILITY FOR YOUR PUNK ASS SUEING US, AND SHIT." --Robert from Abney Park "Boy, I'm bending over so far backwards I could join Cirque Du Soleil." --James Cottrell the third "Lets give them food clothing and shelter and we'll worry about role models later." --Amber Lynn "Now you know why I'm such a weird fucker. Because I come from a long lineage of weird fuckers. Who live in a weird country. When skeletons sit and watch the boob tube for 42 years." --Pegritz "Who needs drugs? I have insomnia." --Bryce "Beverages just taste better when you drink 'em out of a 600ml beaker." --Gnome "Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again." --Arthur C. Clarke "That's weird. Hey, Bryce, come take a look at this." "That's my cue..." --B-V- and Bryce "Death before disco." --Snake Plissken "You WOULD fall asleep during a wall of vaginas!" --Fritz "Only you can prevent the tragedy of teafires." --Lyssa "I have had my television aerials removed. It's the moral equivalent of a prostate operation." --Malcolm Muggeridge "Nonetheless, we offer you forgiveness. What is the point of being a superior civilization if you can't do that once in a while?" --from _House of Suns_ by Alastair Reynolds "Dude! A bird that had Mexican just bombed your car!" --Lyssa "'I am Iron Man'... you think you're the only superhero in this universe?" --Nick Fury, _Iron Man_ "When we just saw that man, I think it was Mr. [P.Z.] Myers, talking about how great scientists were, I was thinking to myself the last time any of my relatives saw scientists telling them what to do they were telling them to go to the showers to get gassed.. that was horrifying beyond words, and that's where science - in my opinion, this is just an opinion - that's where science leads you." --Ben Stein "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." --Bertrand Russell "What's going on in here?" "Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've ever caught me doing." --Pepper and Tony, _Iron Man_ "..so he's based on Narlhotep." "Nyarl-ath-o-tep." "Whatever. If I pronounce his name wrong, he won't show up!" "Point." --Jason and Raven, on Elder Gods "Upon meeting the natives I don't bother with the ''Take me to your leader,'' always straight to ''Take me to your psychotropics and meet your gods.''" --JoMiD Cornea "Just bald. Not old." --Jarin "A portable angle grinder and some spandex makes for a super hero." --Chris "Being a science fiction fan doesn't make you a nerd." "No, but ending a sentence with a verb does." --Anonymous "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of your hat." --B-F-, on T-G-'s Official Assclown Hat(tm) "What does 'cf' mean on that spreadsheet?" "'Cluster fuck'." --E-N- and Firemonkey "Hey, wait a minute.. the data's gone. Someone erased it." "Security without the inconvenience." --J-B- and T-G- "Yeah, but we can't even kung-fu this." --B-P- "What's the difference between a Satanist and a Voudonista? Both will sacrifice a chicken, but the Voudonista will eat it after the ritual." --Jason "The blazer was special in much the same way Goatse is special." --Mercy "Wait... Bryce? Social??" "I have boobies." --Onivel and Lyssa, on me "You can't expect too much when there's tequila being drunk." --T-G- "That's weirder than a frog with fur." --Bryce Unless it involves the works of William Shakespeare, I have no tolerance for melodrama. "What's workin' your shit, Powder Puff?" --E-N- "His kung-fubar is strong." --T-G- "Go, little .csv files! Fly! Be free! I need my medication checked..." --Bryce "I was sittin' there, and just like Spider-Man, my fat-man sense kicked in. I looked out the window, and sure enough, the pizza was here!" --T-G- For every good idea, there is an equal and opposite government requirement. "Wait a minute -- you know I got the memory of a goddamn gerbil!" --E-N- "I trust no links until rickrolling is dead." --Lint_ "Good lord sir - this forum is no place for reason!" --The Red Max "Virtue is its own punishment." --Aneurin Bevan "Spray tuna did not win." --The Doctor "I'm not sure about 'magically'. 'Fraudlently,' maybe." --T-G- "This guy tried to do a Tokyo Drift in a Barbie kiddie car on the technology curve." --Bryce, on wanna-be security practitioners who don't know how to rename files on their desktops "Where's my flying car? Where's my jetpack? Where's my fucking 'find' box?!" --Bryce, on buggy .NET applications "Wisconsin's exotic." "Yeah, if you like cheese." --Bryce and T-G-, on field assignments "Way to geek it up for us!" --T-G- "It's like getting kicked in the eardrum by a little midget in there going '*kick!* Fuck you! *kick!* Fuck you!'" --E-N-, on ear infections "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that's camel toe. Tell me I'm not wrong!" --T-G-, on _Invincible Iron Man_ cover art "You realize that having this conversation says something about us. I don't know what, but it's probably not good." --Bryce, on the above "Man, if you want to see a fat man move like a ninja, involve chocolate cake." --T-G- "This isn't _Frankenstein_ - we can't bring stuff back to life, here!" --B-P-, on crashed MS SQL Servers "Do I have 'MORNING PERSON' written across my forehead?" --The Doctor Computer users fall into two groups: Those that do backups, and those that have never had a hard drive fail. "You know it was a good party when the term 'human rights violations' comes up." --Binder "I suspect that religion is a necessary evil in the childhood of our particular species. And that's one of the interesting things about contact with other intelligences: We could see what role, if any, religion plays in their development. I think that religion may be some random by-product of mammalian reproduction. If that's true, would non-mammalian aliens have a religion?" --Arthur C. Clarke "A DoD handbook has just clearly and concisely explained what a service-oriented architecture is. Isn't that one of the signs of the apocalypse?" --Bryce "To send men to the firing squad, judicial proof is unnecessary." --Che Guevara "The difference between Discordians and Subgenii? Subgenii are the ones getting laid." --Rev. Ivan Stang, Church of the Subgenius "You sleep with the fishies, little food pellet!" --Jason "That drink sucked!" --Bobby Flay "Ewww!" "I don't want to hear about it. If it's black it was my fault, I was dusting." "It's trying to communicate in semaphore." --Bryce and Lyssa "Apparently there is a real void in the porno world for scenes involving flamethrowing hearses." --Pyrotech C3H8, on ALEXI appearing in a pornographic movie "I can see your boobs from here." --Kurt Harland, on stage at the DNA Lounge, 20080113 "The Earth does one thing very well: It rides out all these maniacs." --Louis Trapani, on eschatological obsession "I'd been writing in C for a number of years, and I'd developed a sort of pidgin C that I used in fleshing out modules. I'd write a few pages in this high-level pseudo-C, then spend half a day ''compiling it'' into 6502 assembler. Sometimes a significant chunk of code would work the first time (this is a scary experience, really it is)." --Landon Dyer, on working for Atari in 1982 "The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind." --H.P. Lovecraft "Nerf Guns - good. Fried Nerf Guns - awesome." --Samuel Crowe "To do the actual install you have to be root, but none of the normal build should require that. Don't take the name of root in vain." --From the README file of the Linux v2.6.24.3 kernel "Good man! Not only have you caught up with fashion but you have surpassed it! Kilts and skirts are the way of the future... especially when they come with Pac-Man accessories!" --G.D. Falksen "Jamie, you're scared, of course you are, the last lot of chemo didn't work and you can't bear the thought of going through all that pain again, I understand that mate, I really do. But let me tell you, that not everyone dies from this disease. And the ones with the best chance of making it are the ones who believe they can beat death. And sometimes, just sometimes, you can. So watch and learn, Jamie Burton." --Owen, _Torchwood: Dead Man Walking_ "Llama!" "...well, it's better than 'lamer'." "I am climbing back in my bed, you sick, sick puppy." --Lyssa and Bryce "This movie kicked so much ass, they need to import more ass just to meet demand." --Mmmm...Eyes, on _Transformers_ "Can I reverse the polarity?" "You mean, make it filter out all the non pornographic, non profane sites to get to only the real hardcore - set it in reverse like. No." --From the FAQ for the DansGuardian web filtering proxy "True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring." --Martin Luther King, Jr. "Here's hoping that said user doesn't do anything stupid." "Heh. She is breathing, that is enough." --The Doctor and Vlad_II, on new hires ignoring security briefings "Not all .TXT files that are attempted to be remotely included are root kits." --Anonymous sysadmin, shortly before discovering that his network had been compromised "Not every good thing that happens is divine intervention, Michael." "True," Michael said, "but I prefer to give Him the credit unless I have a good reason to believe otherwise. It seems more polite than the other way around." --Harry and Michael, _Small Favor_ "I saw an ad yesterday for Endangered Species Chocolate. Sadly it turned out to be just regular chocolate with part of the profits going to saving the tigers and such. I was hoping for rare Vietnamese tree frogs covered in chocolate." --Atterton "One thing that many forget about me is that I have a nipple piercing. It's become sadly workaday, but my nipple is like the Spanish Inquisition: Nobody ever sees it coming." --The Ferrett "Understanding the scope of the problem is the first step on the path to true panic." --Anonymous "I wanted to like emacs, but I couldn't find the text editor." --Anonymous "Whoa. An episode of _Iron Chef_ in which it's permissible to use the ice cream maker." --Bryce, on Battle Chocolate "Man, you look like someone nailed you with the 'fuck you' stick." "I feel like someone shoved it up my ass and rotated it a couple of times." --Felix and Bryce, on the flu "Can't have the real experts telling people that the fearmongers are all idiots." --Hannibal "The only unitasker in the kitchen should be the fire extinguisher!" --Alton Brown "Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!" --Theodore Roosevelt "The Erbswurst is a weapon of self defense. Aim and throw, if the enemy's unlucky, you hit him in the mouth." --El Shoggotho "Yeah, I'm in 'bama." "I'll pay you a dollar to walk around in your battle goth gear." --The Doctor and Vlad_II "Perhaps you need to get in touch with your French side." --J. Random Psychiatrist, _Good Eats_ "If my ego became any bigger, I would need a larger pant size." --Istvaan Until you say "I don't know," you'll never learn anything. "The situation we face right now is best described by the term 'non-euclidian corner case'." --The Doctor "COBOL is just carpal tunnel on steroids." --Binder "We're part of history! I'm an openly gay man playing an omnisexual hero, who is loved by men, women and children on both sides of the Atlantic! How can I not be proud of that?" --John Barrowman "It's all over." "Let's all have sex." "And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse." --Ianto and Owen, _Torchwood: Sleeper_ "Driving under the influence of James Bond soundtracks doesn't do any favours to your fuel economy." --Von Gast, on personal soundtracks "Am I gonna have to drop an asteroid on a bitch?" --Bryce "How in the hell did you make a TARDIS pop a wheelie?!" --Anonymous "I am sick of voting game theory instead of my conscience and I am angry at a system under which I continue to consider it necessary." --Dancinglights "We are the C&A black ops squad!" --Bryce "Let me hear you say 'linear analysis'!" --Kurt Harland "Team lead down! Team lead down! Abort! Abort!" "Eagle One's been shot! Pull out!" --The Doctor, an unknown cow-orker, and the rest of the field team, when the team lead did a faceplant in the hallway "Oh, shit, Delaware! Quick! Get back in the car!" --Pegritz "Look, it's a brokeback ribeye!" --Ted Allen "Judging by the stain on the floor, I would guess the 'exploding hamster' was a complete success?" --Otto von Pifka "There are four ways of doing things: The right way, the wrong way, the customer's way, and the government's way." --The Doctor "What are you people thinking, yelling for songs from _Don't Be Afraid_?? 'NOT COMMERCIALLY VIABLE'!!" --Kurt Harland "There, I've realized my dream: Usurping Jim Cassidy's position in the band." --Kurt Harland "I think that _Are 'Friends' Electric_ is the perfect pop song." --Kurt Harland "Two things: First, miss, I don't take requests. Second, I refuse to do the robot because then I'll prove to all of you just how washed-up we really are." --Kurt Harland, upon seeing a sign that read "KURT, DO THE ROBOT!" "As you can see, we were ahead of our time, which is another way of saying 'not very well liked'." --Kurt Harland "I have discovered at last the perfect hairstyle for headbanging: Pigtails!" --Kurt Harland "..it's an ugly squid in Spandex, I'm tellin' you." --The Doctor "The world thinks that eccentricity in great things is genius, but in small things, only crazy." --Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton "I hereby declare 'hinged sideways with a screw' to be a euphemism for 'raving insane'." --El Shoggotho "There is nothing more subversive than becoming popular." --Richard Metzger "It doesn't have to be perfect. Not that there's anything wrong with perfect." --Alton Brown "Leftover pho is truly a gift from the Sinus Angels." --Jessica Melusine "Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bullocks. Oh, God. I'm English." --Spike, _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ "Knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them." --Isaac Asimov "Chocolate, Hunter S. Thompson, and diet Coke are good cure-alls." --Lyssa "We're all entitled to privacy, but we're not entitled to anonymity." --Jack Colley "Tesla coils! Is there anything they can't do? ...Don't answer that." --Anomalie "I was just shocked to see that a system which downloads and executes arbitrary code by design would be used for ill." --Darkmage "I'm ordering you to go look at that porn site." --My boss "This is a think-along lecture, by the away. You are free to think along at any point, should you feel the need to do so." --Terrence McKenna "I'm not going to get into a name-calling match with somebody (Vice President Dick Cheney) who has a 9 percent approval rating." --Harry Reid, US Senate Majority Leader "Never doubt that Santa Claus has ways to make you cry." --Hummingwolf "Hmmm... they're one hundred points each." "Run 'em down! They're worth more right now because they're carrying gifts! We can take them as prizes!" "It's like _Grand Theft Auto_ meets _Toejam and Earl_." --Bryce and Lyssa, on holiday season pedestrians "Bryce? Are you scaring the natives again?" "No moreso than usual. It's not as if I'm strolling through the mall shouting at the tops of my lungs 'My tentacles! Let me show youse dem!'" --Lyssa and Bryce "The library? They aren't illegal yet? It's stealing money from publishers, you know." --Zard Biomatrix "We've never played that song before, so I guarantee that you've never heard it before. That means that all of you who are acting cool are poseurs, and all of the friends of the people acting cool now know exactly how full of shit their friends are!" --Kurt Harland "Forget sunyata. Forget enlightenment! How about a little peace of mind?!" --Terrence McKenna "It may be like riding a bike, but it takes a long time to learn your balance again. Fuck!" --J.C. Hutchins (from the _7th Son_ blooper reel) "Coffee is King. God save the King." --Steampunk Cybernaut "Is do not have cheshire boobies!" --Lyssa "I'm Swiss - 87.5% of my bodily fluids consist of chocolate." --Suzanne "In the end, the White House would state that the world had fallen victim to extraordinarily shitty timing." --J.C. Hutchins, _7th Son: Destruction_ "Great, Sweth, now you've gone and made the baby $PROPHET cry. I hope you're satisfied." --John S.J. Anderson "Animism?! If you're going to be a couch, you know what you're in for!" --Bryce "The Adidas GSG9s were the obvious choice for the thinking man's ninja." --William Gibson "Remember, you're looking for brown, not black. Black's for coffee, caviar, and squid ink." --Alton Brown "There's a new game for the Wii called _Trauma Center: New Blood_. What the hell is it? Tell me that you get to perform surgery!" --Lyssa "The only reason you need to dress well is 'I have good taste.' Any reason you may make up to the contrary is really just, 'I am too lazy and/or shy to be cool!'" --Robert from Abney Park "Whoa, that's like a shotgun. Sorry about your pants." --Alton Brown on flour sifters (horribly out of context) "It's 4800 miles to Chiba. We've got 30 rounds of ammunition, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark outside, and we're wearing mirrorshades." "Hit it." --With apologies to the Blues Brothers "It was just well-timed snot, that's all I can say." --Cate "Ours is not to question why, because those we question don't know, either." --The Doctor "We sell only the freshest, homegrown ladybits!" --Morluna "Please take me as your padawan, oh Master! Teach me to be a cock!" --S- "It's $109 a night (at our hotel). They shot Jesse James in the back of the head for less than that!" --S- "This is the beastie known as the air pencil, you need an air/oil regulator to use this sucker properly. Its RPMs are high enough to cut through most materials and liquify plastic. Yet with great power comes great project destroying capabilities." --Gentleman's Handbook "Someday... someday I will get the chance to skeeze on Liz from Freezepop. I've even started a new synthpop project, Excitable Boy, to increase the chances there-of. Because NONE A' Y'ALL can tell me that chicks won't go crazy for a skinny Croat in a '70s disco shirt doing New Wave covers of Warren Zevon and John Prine tunes." --Pegritz "Pizza Hut: Sustenance for the rest of us." --Nick "Only two kinds of people buy black gi. Ninjas. And assholes." --Mr. Kiyota "There aren't enough women who know assembly language." --The Doctor "Brave choice, celery, but fair play to you, not a lot of men can carry off a decorative vegetable." --Tenth Doctor to Fifth Doctor, _Doctor Who: Time Crash_ "When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago." --Friedrich Nietzsche "We've just corrected David on his pronunciation of Zeiton Crystal. He's just not hardcore." --Steven Moffat, on David Tenant "Divorce is just terrible, it's one of Satan's best tools to kill America." --Representative Dick Harwood Si possis recte, si non, quocumque modo rem. (If possible honesty, if not, somehow make money.) "Improving on the research would seem to require biceps like baseballs and access to a particle accelerator." --Julia Moskin, on making perfect mashed potatoes "You gotta get that Cinnamon Toast Crunch aftertaste in, and then it's rockin'." --Dan Kaminsky, after drinking a mixture of maple syrup and Cinnamon Toast Crunch "They (the British) like their entertainment a little spicier than Americans can deal with, frankly." --James Marsters, on _Torchwood_ "I can tell you I wish those people just would be quiet. It would be best for the world. That's not going to happen, so we have to work in the right fashion with these security researchers," --Steve Ballmer Facts often matter little in the face of fervently held perceptions. "Anything that tastes like this belongs in the car, not in my body!" --Lyssa, on Mountain Dew: Game Fuel "There are other things you can do with the ice cream machine, besides end your career." --Alton Brown, _Iron Chef America_ "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." --Mark Twain "Humans are animals. We're like fleshy termites, but bigger and with fewer legs." --Flynn MacCallister "What the... you look like you're about to jump in your gyrocopter or something!" --C-P- "When I wrote _Neuromancer_ in 1984, cyberspace already existed for some people, but they didn't spend all their time there. So cyberspace was /there/, and we were /here/. Now cyberspace is /here/ for a lot of us, and /there/ has become any state of relative nonconnectivity. /There/ is where they don't have Wi-Fi." --William Gibson "A couple of years we were playing freestyle clubs and then suddenly, boom, we were playing theatres and arenas and whatever, and then we weren't in the freestyle clubs anymore. Any time that happens with a scene, people kind of want to disown you because they feel like you're not one of them anymore, you've gotten too big for your britches." --Paul Robb, on musical subcultures "It's like the three P's of public speaking: Poise, pacing, and phlegm." --Scott L "Real life's a part of your path until you lose your body. Then it's a little up in the air, but until that time, clean the friggin' fridge." --The Doctor, on balancing spirituality and daily life "This.. cadaverous looking motherfucker... he looks a little like Lurch's little brother." --Michelle Belanger, on H.P. Lovecraft "With sufficient determination and a reckless disregard for ones own safety, anything is destructible." --Lewis Steels "This is how you know you're living in the future: When the pornography bears no earthly resemblance to sex as even the filthiest of us know it. You may as well be renting DVDs of aliens fucking. And America, as Martin Amis once said, is where they road-test the future." --Warren Ellis "With the release of iTunes OS, Apple continues to push back the boundaries of user interface design, and takes dramatic strides forward, towards increasing usability and productivity for people who utilize pharmaceuticals and computers, at the same time." --Lord Digital [cDc] "Cyber can't be punk these days, because when cyberpunk was labeled that way, the statement ''I'm a criminally intentioned Bohemian with a computer'' would cause people to get goosebumps, right? But today that same statement has the same effect as ''I'm a criminally intentioned Bohemian with a washing machine.''" --William Gibson "It will be generally found that those who sneer habitually at human nature and affect to despise it, are among its worst and least pleasant examples." -- Charles Dickens "Yeah, we're hax0ring the Matrix. Yeah. It's pretty easy; nothing special.' --C-P- "I was such a geek that if I could go back in time, I would kick my own ass." --Wil Wheaton (allegedly), on his teenage years SolarWinds: Your all-in-one intrusion detection system testing application. "In the dead of night, by the howl of the case fans you'll hear me yell 'make -j 5'! Muhahahahaha!!" --Binder, on his new computer (quad-Xeon @3.0GHz, 4GB RAM) "This post has left me so otaku-OD'd that I wish I could retire for a coffee, to one of those joints in Akihabara where the waitresses wear Minnie Mouse shoes and bulbous three-fingered gloves!" --William Gibson, on Molly's implanted mirrorshades "If you think of yourselves as helpless and ineffectual, it is certain that you will create a despotic government to be your master. The wise despot, therefore, maintains among his subjects a popular sense that they are helpless and ineffectual." --Frank Herbert "I can fix this! I just need six feet of tape and a rubber duck!" --Jason "There are periods of history when the visions of madmen and dope fiends are a better guide to reality than the common sense interpretation available to the so-called normal mind. This is one such period, if you haven't noticed already." --Narrator, _The Illuminatus Trilogy_ "Strings are the root of all evil. Whenever you pass structured data around in a string, you are passing around communism." --KJK::Hyperion "You're being shot in the head. Slowly." --Suzie, _Torchwood: They Keep Killing Suzie_ "So does this mean that LOLspeak is a form of lossy compresson?" "It has at least as good a compression ratio as b0rk." --The Doctor and Jarin, on the LOLbible "Djarums: They're like smoking a belt sander." --The Doctor, on clove cigarettes "In 2012, I'm going to be 70 years old. I'm going to be looking for a 420-friendly nursing home." --Lorenzo "The features are tested in the -mm tree, but be warned, it can crash your machine, eat your data (unlikely but not impossible) or kidnap your family (just because it has never happened it doesn't mean you're safe)." --Nicolas Kaiser, kernelnewbies.org "Alton Brown is the 'Bill Nye the Science Guy' of cooking." --S-S- "Use your imagination or else someone else will use it for you." --Ron Sukenick "Nathaniel? NO." --Robert "Greyhounds, Bryce, are cats on stilts." --Cate "I am an optimist because I want to change things for the better and I know that blood has to be spilled and disharmony and cruelty are necessary to do that." --Henry Rollins "I'm not trashing your book, I'm trashing your philosophy of life." --Jon Stewart to Chris Matthews "I don't have enough brains to make it on my own, but so long as I can see my buddy, we do okay." --Nick, on the thought processes of alpacas "I would come and fetch but I'm yarned." --Lyssa, while knitting "Mouse turds! Ice cold mouse turds!" --Cate "The agriculture ministry is not in charge of Gundam." --Shimomura Tsutomu, Japanese Ministry of Agriculture "I've got this cool, minty feeling in my urethra! I don't want this! Thank you, drive through." --Nick "We are hosting company arms dealers." --Farmicus "Truly private people don't make a spectacle of themselves, attract attention, or make demands. Instead they quietly go about their business of remaining invisible." --David Sternlight (hey, he takes everyone else out of context, why can't I?) "The twenty-first century brought us clip-on sunglasses that don't suck. I'll take that over a flying car any day." --The Doctor, on Polar Eyes "I do still consider it a sign of the digital age when the DJ is out on the dance floor." --Hasufin "The obsession with intellectual closure is inappropriate to talking monkeys, because nowhere is it write large that talking monkeys should be able to achieve a complete understanding of reality." --Terrence McKenna "You are all WEIRDOS!!" --Sam the Eagle, _The Muppet Show_ "That isn't a tango you're doing back there. In fact, it's reminiscent of the mating dance of waterfowl native to the state of New Jersey." --Voltaire, at Saloncon 2007 "When C++ is your hammer, everything starts to look like your thumb." --Anonymous interviewee at amazon.com "There is some sort of perverse pleasure in knowing that it's basically impossible to send a piece of hate mail through the Internet without its being touched by a gay program. That's kind of funny." --Eric Allman, primary author of Sendmail "I don't wait for permission to do what I think is just. None of us should, and none of us have." --Kilroy 2.0, _7th Son: Destruction_ "Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list." --Denis Leary "New Jersey is a magical land of chaos and confusion. It's like Magic Candy Mountain, except that it's made of trash. Still steals your kidney, though." --Chris, on living in New Jersey "You know when you're driving and the cars in front of you - the tail lights - start making happy faces - that's when it's starting to become a problem. But when they start talking to you..." --Rogue, on sleep deprivation "Many of the Cleveland Swingers, it seems, are pretty much horny Rotarians, where they get together to watch Nascar, drink Miller Lite, and then fist-fuck the neighbor's wife." --The Ferrett, on swingers "To sit next to Voltaire on a panel is much like being sat next to Oscar Wilde at a Victorian dinner party." --Michelle Belanger "emerge: the other white meat" --From the output of 'emerge --quiet' instead of 'emerge --sync --quiet' "We used to hate people / now we just make fun of them / it's more effective that way". --KMFDM, _Dogma_ "Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my ass!" --T-, on our current project "It's so much easier to bitch about a scene dying than to do something yourself to try to keep it alive." --Xevo "Dear god, if I do go to Mexico, it's gonna be a blur of rotgut tequila, donkey shows, and prostitutes crawling with plagues I haven't even heard of yet. I'll come home with a headache the size of Montana, a suitcase full of pictures of college girls sucking donky dicks, and strange growths on my wenis that glow in the dark and whisper to me in Aztlan." --Nyarlathotep "The resistance to a new idea is proportional to the square of its importance." --Bertrand Russell "People often ask me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It is a little embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is -- just be a little kinder." --Attributed to Aldous Huxley "We're starting you on a lifelong bad habit, now." --Alton Brown, on coffee "Tonight we invented 19 Tomato sauce. As you may have guessed, our recipe calls for 19 (Roma) tomatoes. We happened to have this many, fresh and shiny, because our two tomato plants are freaks and are producing fruit like we injected them with growth hormone or some shit." --Mark Nicholas "Home is where your suitcase is." --T- "Secrets are the very root of cool." --Hubertus Bigend, _Spook Country_ "ZIF? Heh. 'Zero insertion force' my ass." --The Doctor "Shoulda just turned the box off and run the scan again." --Anonymous security engineer "Writing about the twenty-first century and not writing about advertising and marketing is like writing about Victorian London and not mentioning factories. Countries that aren't all about marketing and advertising are where they make the stuff we advertise and market." --William Gibson "This rain is so bad, I've had a vision of the clouds parting, and suddenly we're in Jamaica." --T-G- "But chloroplasts are easier to add than tentacles!" --Hasufin "The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking." --Christopher Morley "" --Lyssa, on the upcoming gem and jewelry show in Washington, DC "I'm a biologist - I want to create a set of rules which, when implemented, will grow into a system nobody would have imagined. ...I just managed to imply that Moses was the origin of goatse." --Hasufin "So, T-, I heard you got an early morning O-Shit-A-Gram.." --The other T- "As a Christian, I think it's time to rid ourselves of this notion of freedom of religion in America." --Al Bedrosian "I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish people dogmatically to believe any philosophy, not even mine." --Bertrand Russell "Window manager warning: Received a _NET_WM_MOVERESIZE message for 0x2200ab7 (08/10/07); these messages lack timestamps and therefore suck." --Random error message from my ~/.xsession-errors file on Windbringer "You know that guy that can pick up any woman? I'm that guy - on crack." --Nick Naylor, _Thank You For Smoking_ Political correctness: The verbal equivelent of trying to pick up a turd by the clean end. "Sex isn't something men do to you. It isn't something men get out of you. Sex is something you dive into with gusto and like it every bit as much as he does." --Nina Hartley "If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, then the road to Heaven is paved with honest attempts." --Rogue "You send most American beers off to the lab... they'll call you up and tell you your horse has diabetes." --Val "Can you please convince me there's not an Office for Annoying Air Travelers making this sort of stuff up?" --Bruce Schneier, to Kip Hawley (head of the US TSA) "It's a sad fact that there are a lot of people out there whose first reaction to anything miraculous, wondrous and new consists of two questions. The first is 'Can I have sex with it?', closely followed by 'Can I make money off it?'" --Dirk Allen "I quit worrying about what the devil I am. I just do it." --Whitley Streiber "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." --Freidrich Schiller "...specifically? Not exactly." --Rogue "I'd love to tell them all to suddenly flood lkml with their reports of failed boots with various kernels, hardware disappearing, stopping working suddenly, memory disappearing, trying to use software suspend and having your balls blown off by your laptop, and so on." --Con Kolivas, on why he quit the Linux Kernel project "The Internet - for when you can't find your syrup of ipecac." --King of De Nile "Upgrade your gray matter / because one day it may matter!" --Deltron, _Upgrade_ "What does Alpha get out of this, other than us dead? A chance to watch the world writhe on the spit? Well, not bad payment, I guess, if you're a lunatic." "Watch it! There are lunatics present!" --Jack and Kilroy 2.0, _7th Son: Destruction_ "The ignorance of the people is the beast to fight against." --Bluestar88 "Freedom and happiness are the birthright of all sapient lifeforms." "Thank you, Optimus Prime." "It was either that or quoting Crowley, and neither of us want that." --Bryce and Lyssa "I just can't pick up a book with kids with magic wands and flying brooms and still respect myself." --Eli "Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." --Mark Twain "We are one people. We cannot separate ourselves now. There are many good things to be done for our people and for the world. It is important to let things be good. And it is important to teach the younger generation so that things are not lost." --Corbin Harney "We're at the end of the universe, right at the edge of knowledge itself, and you two are busy.. blogging!" --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Utopia_ "Why can't you osmose in the normal direction like every other fluid?" --Eli "I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell." --Harry Truman "I think that's crazy-bug speak for 'shut your face'." --The Thing, _Fantastic Four_ "Airsoft? No, don't go there. You'll start an arms race. We'll have to fortify our borders, and the next thing you know I'll have to come into the office in Nerf powered armor and blow all of you away." --C-P-, on office wars "If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented." --Stephen King "Conflict is conflict. I don't see anything inherently wrong with it until someone needs to be the only one who is right." --Geri Larkin, Buddhist monk "Every organism is a bridge, every fossil is a bridge fossil. Humans just like to classify things." --Neurovore "Never turn up to work sober. It just creats unrealistic expectations." --Nosfucious "A chicken in every pot and a cap in every ass!" --S-S- "Stupidity is not an honorable death." --Caitlin Riley "Life in general is simple. It takes people to make it complicated." --Hasufin, on biogenesis "Tell the dumbass to take care of herself." --Lyssa "..do what to who, for HOW many Twinkies??" --Orthaevelve "I feel so loved - Christ, it's cold in here!" --Mika "Elf? Elf! Put it in your mouth! Put. It. In. Your. Mouth." --Lyssa, to Rialian "Bryce loves peeps - truly, madly, deeply. In that obsessive Bryce sort of way." --Lyssa "Come on! We can all have a good flirt later!" "Is that a promise, Doctor?" "Ooooh, 57 academics just punched the air!" --The Doctor and William Shakespeare, _Doctor Who: The Shakespeare Code_ "Don't forget your cape, mask, and spandex long-johns. Without those, a vigilante's just a thug." --S.A. Murphy "It is the business of the future to be dangerous." --Alfred North Whitehead "Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?" --Ronald Reagan "Oh, I know what its like. Its like when you fancy someone, but they don't even know you exist. That's what it's like." "You too huh?" --The Doctor and Jack Harkness, _Doctor Who: The Sound of Drums_ "If you're going through Hell, keep going." --Winston Churchill "You.. you turned me into a tranny!" --Anton to Gesar, _Daywatch_ "Never underestimate the idiots: They've done a lot and they'll do more." --Art Bell "It's my timey-wimey detector. It goes 'ding!' when there's stuff." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Blink_ "It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit." --Noel Coward "Happiness is a belt fed weapon." --Binder "Life is like a bowl of peppers. What you do today may burn your ass tomorrow." --Charlie Daniels "Rules are for the obedience of fools, and the guidance of the wise." --Unknown "A party in your pants is not suitable for a first date. Just sayin'." --Araxcies "Why would anybody go cruising on Craig's List? That's like the Pennysaver of cock!" --Margaret Cho "Was somebody just kissing me?" --Captain Jack, _Doctor Who: Utopia_ "Sea roach, mom. Sea roach." --Lyssa "If you ever figure out how to achieve serenity in the face of certain death.. would you PLEASE let me know?" --Harry, _The Dresden Files: Things That Go Bump_ "I don't need other people's input to not use explosives. Unless it seems like a really, really good idea. Which it doesn't. Right now." --Araxcies "You brought them here!" "You brought _me_ here, you idiot!" --Harry and Clive, _The Dresden Files: Bad Blood_ "Oh, no! He's gone to the Lambada Dance! Green Elf needs game badly!" --Araxcies "Hello. I was supposed to distract you while Araxcies and the Doctor clean out your tent. It was suggested that my (baby) daughter could help." --Ashran "The addition of the Slip and Slide at the sweatlodge was ill-advised. As was burrito night." --Person "Redcap?" "Excuse me? "Your red cap." "Redcap?" "No. Flying suitcase." --Laurelinde and Jason "And your secret ingredient is... ANGLER FISH! That's not food. That's not food! That isn't remotely food! That is some gellid thing that they hauled up from far too deep in the ocean. That is cooking with C'thul'hu's younger brother." --Heron61, on _Iron Chef_ "Dude! We have lethal molasses!" --Bryce, after prying a pressure jar of shisha tobacco open after a year "Those who have met me in Real Life, however, know full well that I am the Human 1.0 equivalent of an AI having an acid flashback." --Pegritz "Planning: It's not just for Congressmen." --Hasufin "Cottage cheese is not food... it's God's expiration warning on your milk." --S.A. Murphy "When you pull out every studio trick you know when recording an album, it makes preparing a live show SUCK." --Mark Nicholas ;; Hypothesis: Given a graph G. If there exists a vertex v in G such that all ;; automorphisms of G map v to itself, then an algorithm exists to choose ;; the isomorph of v from any isomorphism of G. ;; Corollary: If there does not exist such a v, then we're screwed. --Comments in code written by Pace Reagan-Smith "I was NEVER in a Time Lord snuff film!" --The Doctor, after analyzing his website's link stats "This seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis - a good hot cup of coffee. --Alexander King "Who in the Hell around here would be wearing a Cru-*.. oh. Hey, Bryce!" --Orthaevelve (*"Cruxshadows t-shirt") All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. "You know what being bald and grey tells me? I tells me I ain't dead yet." --S.A. Murphy "Congratulations. You now qualify to drive in New Dehli." --Lyssa, on Manhattan rush hour traffic "Who would you like me to kill?" --Kai, _Tales From A Parallel Universe_ "I'd rather be dead on the side of the road in a cool ass car than safely at my destination in anything else." --Pyrotech C3H8 "How many licks does it take to get to the center of Mr. Lincoln? Let's find out..." --Jarin, on eating national landmarks "Yeah, that's what we need: Surfer monkey stuff. That glows." --Anonymous "So, how long 'till you're out of shrimp flavored cigarettes?" --Anonymous "Never underestimate the power of somebody with source code, a text editor, and the willingness to totally hose their system." --Rob Landley "More sports need dance-offs." --Kash "I've got it! To negotiate with the Marines, we need to take acid!" --Hasufin "Oh, good, our sacrificial lamb is here. We're ready to go!" --Hasufin, greeting Kash "Somehow as a part of the agenda of political correctness it has become not entirely acceptable to criticize, or demand substantial evidence, or expect people, when advancing their speculations, to make, what used to be called, old fashioned sense." --Terrence McKenna "There are times I am truly proud that our civilization has the technology where an ordinary person can instantly turn all Jerry Bruckhimer films into gay love stories and sex romps." --Jessica Melusine "Most people don't suffer nervous system damage during a power outage." --Hasufin "I have all the charisma of Richard Nixon. I couldn't start a riot in southern Chicago during a blackout." --Hasufin "WHO WANTS MY SAUSAGE??" "I. Am. That man." --Hasufin and Kyrin "..so the question becomes, 'Do I mutate or don't I?'" "I wake up with the same question every morning." --Rooster and E-, on genetic algorithms "When will it [secure bootstrap] ever happen?" "Right after IPv6 is adopted!" --John Heasman and Anonymous "What the fuck..?" "One ping. One ping only." "What are you looking for?" "Don't worry about it." --Datagram, The Doctor, and Anonymous on a sound system anomaly that sounded suspiciously like a sonar ping "Testicles, one, two..." --Datagram, during sound check "We've secretly replaced Datagram's laptop with Folger's Crystals - let's see if he notices!" --The Doctor "He only had five minutes of material. He's stalling." --Anonymous, on Datagram's technical difficulties "Wait - that's a LiveCD." "Yeah - Datagram doesn't trust hard drives." --Anonymous #1 and Anonymous #2 "If you can't get the projector going, you'll have to give your presentation as interpretative dance!" "Oh, great. Just what I always wanted - Peter Murphy at a hacker con." --The Doctor and Anonymous "I'm going to hurl abuse at you until you get this going!" --Anonymous "Boobie, what did you do with all your food? I'm going to assume that you still have food because you buried all of it." --Lyssa, talking to Lucy the hamster "When asked what I would do if my doctor told me I had only six months to live, I answered 'I'll just type faster.'" --Isaac Asimov "Fuck all that self-meditative mental masturbation! THIS is real power!" --Lyssa, on talking her way out of student loan payments this month "You know... one would think - ONE WOULD THINK - that I'd know better than to name my computers after Babylonian deities.." --Hasufin "Isms are wasms." --Abbie Hoffman "I want to live much farther north, like in Maine. Sure, you might die of the cold, but look! We might get to see a moose!" --Lyssa "People who keep me from eating don't deserve to know my name!" --Lina Inverse "My family did not raise me to do what is popular, they raised me to do what is morally right. We did not lose only 32 students and faculty members that day; we lost 33 lives." --Katelynn Johnson "I'm trying to be serious!" "You look like somebody just kicked the hamster!" --Bryce and Lyssa "The future belongs to the 8-bit loyalists." --Pyrotech C3H8 "Bring it, Darth Bathrobe!" --Harry Dresden, _White Night_ "I'm drunk. I have a laptop. I have wireless." "I feel really fucking sorry." --The Doctor and Lyssa "Now that I have an air compressor and a circular saw, I'm getting more ideas about what to make furniture wise. Now would be a wise time for you to invest in a bunker or bomb shelter." --Hasufin "Let's face it, we're not changing the world. We're building a product that helps people buy more crap - and watch porn." --Bill Watkins, CEO of Seagate "When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone." --The Marquis De Carabas, _Neverwhere_ "Family's not necessarily blood. Family's who you love." --Bryce "I do not play video games. I have children, which are like video games, but more expensive." --Paul Robb "All right!! You can be such an asshole, Dresden." "Yep." --Bob and Harry, _Grave Peril_ "Cryptography products may be declared illegal, but the information will never be." --Bruce Schneier "I am not an angry man, I just play one on the interwebs." --Pyrotech C3H8 "Reading Slashdot is like reading _Playboy_: You read it for the articles and certainly not the comments." --The Doctor "The ferret has landed!" --Rialian "I look like an extra from an Anita Blake novel!" --Orthaevelve "We look like a bunch of Anarchs out for a good time tonight. The only thing we don't have are gasoline or matches." --Jason, on The Usual Suspects standing around Hausfin's kitchen packing up the pressure canner "I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange." --Agent Dale Cooper, _Twin Peaks_ "I'm down with Save the Earth but not the '286 PC." --Max Spangler, on using older technology until it dies "The world loves a bastard." --Arnold Rimmer, _Red Dwarf_ "You can slam an acoustic coupler up and down a few times and make Perl come out." --Binder "Without our fans, we're just three weirdos sitting on a couch." --Rogue "Do you think this is black magic or what?" "Well, either that or great sex." --Murphy and Harry, _Storm Front_ "We're redundant motherfuckers, man!" --M- "Animals suck as actors. They rarely do as they're told. That goes double for cats. Apparently triple for Canadian cats... And don't even get me started on the emu we used on DS9. Total freaking nightmare." --Robert Wolfe "I'm not always blowing things up!" "Right. Sometimes you set things on fire." --Harry and Morgan, _The Dresden Files: Things That Go Bump_ "That is one thing about the Hearse Club, no matter how bad the weather or shitty the idea or horrendous the mechanical difficulty, we'll be there. We're like an automotive version of GI Joe." --Pyrotech C3H8 "I could get drunk on the damn sauce." --Lyssa "I'm not going to let the Jolly Rogers laugh at me like that. I mean, come on. Five guys named Roger. How much polka can be in their souls?" --Waldo Butters, _Dead Beat_ "Whoever controls the media, controls the mind." --Jim Morrison "Keith Richards remains animate due to a combination of cocaine and necromantic rituals. Someone needs to dress up as him for the next zombie lurch downtown." --The Doctor "Proper porn cannot be made until we have set up the altar to the blessed boxer shorts." --Rialian "The fact that you two have been having conversations involving hardware and chemical compounds that I can't even pronounce kinda irks me a little." --Mika "'Sam! Ziggy finally figured it out! You have to sleep with the Vulcan!'" --Hasufin, on Dean Stockwell having a cameo in the last new _Star Trek_ series "I am firmly convinced that only those informational media that have a high potential for both porn and advertising have any real chance of both commercial success and popular acceptance." --Heron61 "Wait. _MASH_ is younger than _Star Trek_? Wait a minute. I need a minute to wrap my mind around this." --Jarin "Oh, look! It's Anton LeVay meets Martha Stewart!" --Hasufin "Tell me: Would you use that to /diagnose/ or /cause/ clinical dementia?" --Hasufin "Hey, I don't care how many bones you break or how hard you squeeze.. wait, this is getting into territory I really don't want to be right now!" --Orthaevelve "..I walked into something weird." "Well, look at who's around you." --Lyssa and Hasufin "I've seen a lot of this on _Mr. Wizard's World_. This is like a walk down memory lane. Without the annoying commercials." --The Doctor, on _Chemical Magic_ by Leonard A. Ford "First of all we have to forgive ourselves for being human. Eventually you will forgive you parents for being human." --Mr.Bil "Stupidity has always been color blind." --CrystalAnne, on racism "One point slow." --B-K-, on USB v1.x data transfer speeds "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." --Sir Winston Churchill "Dammit. I win at girl." --Lyssa "Throw me your bras!" --Kurt Harland on stage at the DNA Lounge "I may also be snarky. I have a high quotient of snark. I only make one promise. I promise never to say 'Don't make me hunt you down and bitch-slap you' to anyone who posts questions for me or comments about my work on the Internet. At least, not again. Okay, there was that one time. And I didn't mean it. And it all worked out." --Robert Wolfe "What the HELL was that?!" --Bob, _The Dresden Files: The Two Dicks_ "Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will." --George Bernard Shaw "Meddle not in the affairs of authors, for they are subtle and always on the lookout for names for minor characters to whom bad things happen." --Neurovore "Many iPod fans probably aren't old enough to remember a time when Steve Jobs did not walk on water." --Dan Tynan, _The Top 10 Worst PCs of All Time_ "This is Bryce, he's our mute today. I'm Penn, he's Teller." --M-, after my root canal "The future will be just like all the parts we like about the past, but with more toys, more drama, and a lot more zeroes at the end." --Geoff Ryman "One of these days I'm going to have to compound for you some of my special coffee." "Is there anything in it that would prevent me from holding a security clearance?" "....uhmm.. that'd be a problem." "What? Special coffee??" --The Doctor, M-, B-, on coffee "It's an expansion card - you can't void the warranty!" --The Doctor "This here is what they call a 'lab'.." --Unknown suit talking to the woman he didn't know was our sysadmin "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." --Carl Jung "There is no better revenge than the people who screwed you screwing themselves even worse... and not realizing it until it's too late." --The Doctor "The next person to wish me a happy St Pat's Day will have their ISP anonymously informed that they download pictures of dogs fucking babies. I've slept with Irish girls and gotten drunk in Belfast, which makes me more Irish than 99% of you - and, whoops, here's the clue train pulling up to the station, and it says I'm not Irish and neither are 99% of you so you can stick St Pat's Day up your arse." --Warren Ellis "The problem with alcohol is that it gives you these great ideas and then robs you of the ability to carry them out." --Tanner, _Home On the Strange_ "If Kyrin was a D&D character, he would be a half-orc bard working as a standup comedian." --The Doctor "Now if we could just distill the Scumbag Factor, we could improve the human race." --Hasufin "That's why I'm here as your guest speaker tonight, ladies and gentleman. It's because I can think fast on my feet. It's because I'm the kind of author who likes to hang out in Adolf Hitler's home town with the High Priestess of Weird." --Bruce Sterling "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." --Mahatma Gandhi "Fill your bowl to the brim and it will spill. Keep sharpening your knife and it will blunt. Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner. Do your work, then step back. The only path to serenity." --_Tao Te Ching_ "Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it's dark." --Zen saying "..big lizard in mah back yard..." --B-K- "It is said that Infinity cannot be grasped by the finite human mind, but that meditating on the Depth of Human Stupidity and Ignorance can give a close approximation." --Xi o' Teaz "You know...I used to dream about serving the Antichrist some day. But not if the Antichrist is Britney Spears. That's enough to make even a fella like myself become a Baptist." --Pegritz "You can cite a hundred references to show that the biblical God is a bloodthirsty tyrant, but if they can dig up two or three verses that say 'God is love,' they will claim that *you* are taking things out of context!" --Dan Barker, _Losing Faith in Faith_ "Never, ever worry about telling me something I already know. I'd rather know it twice than not at all!" --Bruce Baugh "It isn't good to hold on too hard to the past. You can't spend your whole life looking back. Not even when you can't see what lies ahead. All you can do is keep on keeping on - and try to believe that tomorrow will be what it should be - even if it isn't what you expected." --Harry Dresden, _Death Masks_ "I love being an upraised middle finger to bureaucracy by merely existing." --The Doctor "Let me tell you what kind of person Jim Butcher is. Jim Butcher has a TV show and stuff now, and is clearly too important to refer to himself in the first person, like everyone else. Jim Butcher has grown beyond that, baybee." --Jim Butcher "If you like the fluttering ears, you're down with the bunny!" --Violet Blue "The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." --Albert Einstein "Don't just survive while waiting for someone's revolution to clear your head - act as if you were already free - but take the risk, dance before you calcify." --Hakim Bey "Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it." --Buddha (563BC-483BC) "It's weird and pointless; that seems to be a definition of postmodern." --Russell Rayburn "Hey, do you know where that meeting you're not invited to is going to be?" --M-A- "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." --Sir Winston Churchill "Humans make errors. Even very silly ones at times." --Hugo van der Kooij "Cylons start as walking sex toys, but walking sex toys are spooky." --Geoff Ryman "Let's give 'em a healthy gothic welcome: A cold, dead stare." --Lyssa, at the Cruxshadows show, 20070218 "What defines the human race?" "Right now? It's ability to piss me off." --Lana Kennedy and Miranda Zero, _Global Frequency: Invasive_ "These heads, tails, and exoskeletal remains are packed full of shrimpy goodness." --Alton Brown "I drink so much coffee, that if my girlfriend gives me a blowjob she can't sleep all night afterwards." --Overheard in a Wall Street Starbucks, New York City "And, for the record, yes, there are MANY ways to supposedly come up with one's porn name. The method I used was combining the name of my first pet (my dog Duchess) and the street I grew up on (which was called 33 Mile.) I think you'll agree that I wisely took a small liberty here and deleted the word 'Mile' from the title of this album to avoid looking like I wanted to copy Eminem's '8 Mile' thing. Except, you know, I AM a badass little white boy from Detroit. (Okay, fine... Detroit suburbs.) Just because I enjoy Battlestar Galactica and dressing up as Boba Fett for Halloween every year doesn't make it any less true. Oh, yeah, like you don't wish you had that costume too." --Mark Nicholas "Any woman who does not give birth to as many children as she is capable is guilty of murder." --Saint Augustine "Hold on, let me get my book on Babylonian sorcery." --Hasufin "I actually think RMS is 100% right. The difference is, I can be bought." --QuantumG Those who tout the greatness of their nation seldom contribute to it. "We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking." --F. G. Withington "I'm really very tired of dealing with bureaucracy. Too much lever-pressing, and too few of the food pellets contain dark chocolate." --Hummingwolf "Try charging Enlil with a crime. I do believe you'll get a beep code." --Hasufin, on the police accidentally trying to arrest a computer "I've given confidence to millions of men across the world. They look at themselves in the mirror and think, 'Y'know, compared to Ron Jeremy, I'm not that bad looking at all.' At least that's what I tell myself whenever I go back to the buffet for seconds." --Ron Jeremy "In this day and age, we'll take heroes wherever we can get them." --Old Soldier, _Tales of the Afternow_ "What George Washington did for us was to throw out the British, so that we wouldn't have a fat, insensitive government running our country. Nice try anyway, George." --Random DJ on KSFO/KYA "There are hazards to living with a sound engineer. Mostly it's a harmless situation, but then there are days when mix tapes happen." --Good Mistress Mousey Accost "There is nothing on this planet that cannot be improved upon by adding hot goth chicks, ranch dressing, or William Shatner. Think about it and try to tell me I am wrong, especially on hot goth chicks." --Pyrotech C3H8 "My father is a 60 year old coal miner and has cleaner lungs than Al's insides." --Lyssa, on having to clean out Alphonse's chassis "Just because someone disagrees with you and even argues adamantly against your points doesn't mean he/she isn't on your side. Perhaps, it means that he/she is just trying to get you to hone your position so the team develops more strength." --Steve Waters "Are we alive when we're born, or are we alive when we embrace our lives and take control - stand up? Some people live their whole lives but they're never really alive." --Independent Librarian Dynamic Sean Kennedy the sixth "Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new." --Henry David Thoreau "If it was all that easy to write smart-ass running commentary, I wouldn't have a job." --Jim Butcher "It's not that I have anything against Nicholas Cage, it's just that the idea of him bursting into flame amuses me." --Hasufin, on _Ghost Rider_ "There's nothing deviant about love." --Jesus Christ on lesbians, _Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter_ "Zombies are immune to whole wheat - gotcha." --Hasufin "The thing you have to understand about Reiki is that it makes things more of what they are." "Kind of like cocaine?" --Rialian and Jason "Embrace your inner goat." --Lyssa "Anyone who would voluntarily choose to eat taro root is a sick, sick person. Taro root isn't even flavorless, it's anti-flavor. Taro root can make duck taste bad." --Hasufin "I think I'm going to hurl!" "Not on that laptop! I don't own that laptop!" --Jason and Hasufin, on fermented fish milkshakes "You are forbidden from having more than two bored chaos magickians within a mile of me." --Hasufin "The vampire and the chaos mage are off getting pizza." --Lyssa "Dismiss what insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem." --Walt Whitman "If you spend more time online than you do in the real world, which world are you really a part of?" --Independent Librarian Dynamic Sean Kennedy the sixth "Most video game people have read one book and seen one movie in their life, which is _Lord of the Rings_ and _Aliens_ or variations of that. There's great things in that but you need some variety." --Ken Levine, on video games in the twenty-first century "The man who worships a tyrant in heaven naturally submits his neck to the yoke of tyrants on earth." --George W. Foote, _Flowers of Freethought_ "There are many menus, I can continue to be indecisive." --Lyssa "The German language, when spoken, sounds largely like a Satanic ritual." --Kyrin "Watch show. Enjoy show. Take deep breath, take Tums and try stop borrow trouble." --Jim Butcher, on nerd rage "Anyone who's annoyed is just a sore loser because they're no longer one of the select few with a rare recording to wank over." --Daniel Smith, on finding rare Sisters of Mercy demos on YouTube "If all you have is duct tape, everything starts to look like a duct. Right. When's the last time you used duct tape on a duct?" --Larry Wall "You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." --Mark Twain "Every monotheistic God needs His Satan as a scapegoat on whom to blame all the bad things that happen." --Wilddragon "Angels are like tech support: You contact them when you need them, and you expect them to be rude." --Orthaevelve "Black magic is not on the list of a wife's duties!" --Lina Inverse, _Slayers Next_ "You shouldn't have to put up with parents who have more of a life than you do." --Aineko, _Accelerando_ "Before starting a discussion on the possibility of a release of a new Sisters' [of Mercy] album one should learn the basic principles of the relativity of time." --P.Ostir "I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." --Robert A. Heinlein "Where there's children, there's snot." --Bob, _The Dresden Files: Birds of a Feather_ "There's one hole in every revolution, large or small. And it's one word long: People." --Spider Jerusalem "I think quotes are very dangerous things." --Kate Bush "If it's treatable with caffeine, it doesn't require surgery." --Hasufin, on wisdom teeth "I feel like Solaris has become Linux circa 2000 - all the new features with all the latest instability." --J.S., on Solaris 10 and switched-fabric data storage "If you are in a public bathroom and fluids are coming out of you, get off the damn cell phone." --The Ferrett "A coincidence is what you have left over when you apply a bad theory." --P.W.Bidgeman "How did anyone get clearance before Yahoo People Search?" --Hasufin "Look, I'm terrified of the Amish, okay? They freak me out. If you can raise a barn in a day, I am not going to fuck with you, I don't want any piece of that." --Scott Sigler "Bad reviews are like demons and faeries; stay with me. They're the hobgoblins of the creator's mind. But we can do rituals to rid ourselves of them. We can post them to our Livejournals, staying mindful of what should and shouldn't be said about them in public. But in airing the reviews we can learn those demons' true names; we can bind them, banish them, lay them to rest. In some case we can even subert their power for our own. Without these rituals, those nasty, bad reviews have power over us." --Fred Hicks, _The Butcher Block_ "Don't be like that. There's no reason that we can't take our time and enjoy this. Or could it be that you don't like me?" "No offense, but that's it exactly. Now that we're both clear on that, can we get on with this?" --Prosthetic body technician and Kusanagi, _Ghost In the Shell: Stand Alone Complex_ "You know, there's the definition of 'stone butch', and then there's Integra Hellsing." --Lyssa "Hasufin, I love you, but sometimes you've got that Scottish thing going on." --Lyssa "If Rhianna's ever warm, evacuate the building!" --Butterfly "Your profession is not what brings home your paycheck. Your profession is what you were put on earth to do with such passion and such intensity that it becomes spiritual in calling." --Vincent Van Gogh "Don't do anything with magic that you wouldn't do with chainsaws and Rohypnol." --Mordant Carnival "The power was out to the whole neighborhood, Bryce! What the hell did you DO???" "...I got sick!" --Mika and the Doctor "Subcontracted perversions?" --Hummingwolf "Well, I don't know exactly what that does, but it does it very well." "You're a technomage, and you're scaring me, Bryce." --The Doctor and Mika "*sigh* Men..." "No, geeks. There's a difference." --Orthaevelve and Mika "I don't need antidepressants. I need full auto." --Hasufin "When such a man is lost to the world, it is up to the rest of us to keep the world just as nifty as he helped make it." --Variable Hacking is exploiting the gap between 'intent' and 'implementation'. "Americans like to argue, in general. We will ALWAYS find something to disagree about. We could be a culture of gray-skinned, Esperanto-speaking Zoroastrians and we'd find a way to draw lines. Probably involving sports." --Eric Bertish "Various medical authorities swarm in and out of here predicting I have between two days and two months to live. I think they are guessing. I remain cheerful and unimpressed. I look forward without dogmatic optimism but without dread. I love you all and I deeply implore you to keep the lasagna flying. "Please pardon my levity, I don't see how to take death seriously. It seems absurd." --Robert Anton Wilson, 20070106, his final weblog post "Pace is one of those people that Normal has coffee with every once in a while to get ideas." --The Doctor "People don't want to be writers... they want to be authors, because authors don't have holes in their ceilings." --Kathy Ptacek "Is it wrong that I want to take the rubber bands off of one or two of 'em so I can watch 'em go three rounds?" "It is right that my food should entertain me." --The Doctor and Lyssa at Red Lobster, watching the live tank "You have no ass, again. Goddammit, you need a pie." --Lyssa "People who believe that god exists and heeds their prayers have probably waived the right to mock people who talk to trees or claim to channel the spirits of Native Americans." --Wendy Kaminer "On my planet, we call this love." "On my planet, this would still be alive. Thank the gods it's not." --Lyssa and the Doctor, on dinner "It's creepo-erotic!" --The Ferrett "...how's your rash?" --The fifth Doctor, _Doctor Who: The Caves of Androzani_ "This is a bad porn set waiting to happen." --Lyssa "I'm wondering what advantage there is to making explosives in the shape of saltines." --Jim "Davros, you threw it into a microwave and said it was us!" --Lyssa "Survival of the gloopiest." --The Ferrett "Mexican jumping clams!" --Zoethe "Look! Time Lord bling!" --Cat, on the Time Ring "Jesus can only come back once! When he can come back 13 times, then talk to me!" --The Ferrett "When you're stark bollock naked in the shower and they ask you to sign an autograph...that's weird...I don't know if it's weirder when they're naked or you are!" --David Tenant, on fans following him to the gym "LOGO is pretty safe to use. I'm not sure how much you can do with it anymore. You might be able to draw web pages.... really.... slowly....." --Ronald Chmara, on secure vs. usable programming languages "Very occasionally, if you really pay attention, life doesnt suck!" --Joss Whedon "The things you do to my phenomenal - and I do mean phenomenal - luck are obscene. We don't's like it, my precious." --Lyssa "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers." --James Thurber "Remember, parsley is a vegetable!" --Hasufin "Although laws and regulations specify the 802.11 channels alowed in every country or region... (surprisingly) attackers don't follow the law." --Raul Siles, _Wireless Forensics, part one_ "Coast to Coast AM has FAR more credibility than FauxNews ever could have dreamed." --DJ Question "Just because you're hearing voices in your head, they don't *have* to be God's." --Tekalynn "For a spaceship, she doesn't do much flying." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: The Runaway Bride_ "Nerd rage is a powerful force." --Fred Hicks "All right, I'm young, I'm beautiful - but you don't have to hate me." --Sean Young "I think he [Duo] might be dead. He didn't respond to the words 'food' or 'Lyssa's food'." --Jarin "Think again, dumbass, because now I'm pissed." --Hellboy (not what I expected to hear on Toonami!) "The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste your time waving your hands and hopping when a rock or a club will do." --McCloctnick the Lucid "Joe, what are you doing?" "Brewing Ayahausca." "Server went down hard again last night, huh?" "The machine elves are not pleased." --Chris, on trying to expense ritual components "When I've walled myself off from other possibilities and am committed to my path, I walk right off of it." --The Ferrett "And no, I swear - I did not put any hallucinogens in ANY of the food. Not even the cranberry sauce. More likely the boy could clock you because, being organic rather than metal, you don't reflect radio waves." --Hasufin, on Hummingwolf's accidental mystic state on Christmas Day 2006 "My cat's an asshole! Where's my wine...?" --Jill "I don't know, Karla. Virgins are bad news. They're clingy and inexperienced. I dated a few, and that turned me into the anti-Captain Kirk." "Anti-Captain Kirk?" "I don't go where no man has gone before." --Tom and Karla, _Home on the Strange_ "Ancient man's reflexes were wired for the sabretooth tiger. Ours are wired for the two-faced sales rep. Both are equally valuable in their given venue; equally useless outside of said." --Hasufin "While Mika and I were at World Market before coming to Olive Garden, I had grabbed a bottle to send my father some coffee liqeur. I commented to Mika 'He's responsible for half my genome. The least I can do is get him plastered.' *pause* 'Actually, considering my brother and I, I ought to get him stoned.'" "I don't think he'd be game for that." "You've met my father, right?" "Point." --Hasufin and Mika "Yours is made with love. And if I speak highly enough of it, you won't poison me." --Hasufin, to Mika "We're making sure she doesn't kill anyone. We're all working on our alibis, just in case." --Kash, on Lyssa's pre-Yule stress levels "That stupid, inconsiderate, entitled asshole! He needs to die in a fire!" (to the tune of _Deck the Halls_) "Fa-lalala-la, la-la la-la!" --Lyssa and the Doctor, on drivers in northern Virginia "We never have enough time to do all the nothing we want to do." --Chris "Oh, gods, it looks like I'm peeing coffee." "You mean it normally doesn't?" "No, Kash. This is alarming. My body is very dehydrated." --The Doctor and Kash, on dehydration "If there are any prophecies about people getting root accounts on my computer I am reformatting NOW!" --Hasufin "Oh, Duo.. you look like you're in a world of drunk, my friend. If you're sober, I'm Mary Poppins." --Kyrin "Give people the shadow of a doubt. It gives them the chance to be something besides a preconceived notion." --Lupa "Vee shall consult zee sachred babushka texts!" --Lyssa, hunting for holiday cookie recipes "I'd like the genre that I represent to be 'William Gibson novels'. That would be the ideal outcome for me." --William Gibson "I'm only perfect as long as you don't get to know me." --The Doctor "When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of investigation of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand, so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed, directly to the goal." --Amrom Katz "Consider it some friendly off-the-record advice from one surly motherfucker." --Corporal Stone, _7th Son: Deceit_ "And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world." --Joseph Campbell "THE FUTURE NEEDS AN ENEMA, and I've got an arsenal of ICBM-sized Fleet suppositories ready for the Sign O' The Times!" --Pegritz "You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when it's waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye." --Hunter S. Thompson "Because it's just not Christmas without mad science." --Chris, on why he's making caffeinated cookies for the Yule Cookie Exchange Party of 2006 "Imagination and memory are but one thing, but diverse considerations have diverse names." --Schwarzwald, _The Big-O_ "If you can't find a fitting quote, just make one up like everybody else." --Mohandas Ghandi "There are two ways to escape eternity. One is to join the dead. The other to join the living." --Nick Knight "The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend of both parties tactfully interferes." -- G.K. Chesterton "Linux Kernel Dump Test Module, a simple module to test Linux Kernel Dump mechanism that allows users to crash their kernel in different ways. Linux is getting so good, we need a kernel module to remember the old days." --Diego Calleja, on Linux the release of kernel v2.6.19 "Sometimes the best gifts come in a .wmv file." --Fern Dragonstar "...and this is why I think you have two spontaneously combusting ferrets stuffed in your underwear." --The Doctor "You might be able to pilot your Firefly through a camel's needle; but Buffy in her Escalade on her cell phone will cream you regardless." --Iarriadh, on driving on ice in the mid-west "Access isn't so much a program as it is a hellgate. Data goes in, screaming souls of the damned come out. Some times they scream useful things. Most of the time they scream about the eternal agony of hell." "Mind if I quote you on that?" "Go right ahead. I need to thin out some of the Kyrin quotes I suppose." --Chris and the Doctor "Wait a minute.. I'm a member of Team Ryoga. You're a member of Team Tom Baker. I'm pretty sure that we're going to wind up in Macedonia during the reign of Alexander the Great armed only with a blender." --Hausfin "Elves have tails!" --Lyssa, about Rialian "I WILL HAVE NO FUNDOSHI EXPERIENCE. Only boxers will grace this pale, yellow ass." --Tenshi "I think the free software dreamers have better survival odds than the free love dreamers because nerds do less drugs - unless you count Skittles and Red Bull." --Xeni Jardin "Oh, it's violence. Good." --Hummingwolf "She's so cute. It's like a slug on valium." --Rialian "D-Link: The best boat anchor a router company can build." --Hasufin "When the ice cream machine starts, trouble is sure to ensue in Kitchen Stadium! Many a chef's downfall has been foreordained by the siren's call of the ice cream machine!" "I agree. Lay off with the fuckin' experimental ice cream." --Alton Brown and Lyssa "Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul!" --Jack Harkness, _Torchwood_ "Normal people will do extraordinary things when given the chance." --Miranda Zero, _Global Frequency_ "My wang is over fourteen inches long--but, alas, nine or more of those inches are folded into extraneous quantum dimensions and are inaccessible by most average 4-dimensional people." --Pegritz "What the almighty hell??" --Tony, _Real Life Comics_ "I'm doing my part by working on a project where I'm copying every single MySpace page onto stone tablets. When future archeologists dig them up and see 'LOL Bobby Ray sucks!' and 'D00d 1 pwnz3r3d U!!1!', they'll understand that our civilizaton didn't just decline; our only choice was to destroy ourselves because we were so lame." --dghcasp "If sin exists then Christian fundamentalism is as sinful as sloth, greed or gluttony. It's a lifestyle that promotes surrender to the temptation to simplify the complexities of life by letting someone else do your thinking for you. The typical fundamentalist will extol this state of mind as surrender to God. I think they say 'let go and let God' or some such thing. Truth be told, it's simply intellectual laziness." --Nick Paccione "Do you watch the nightly news? Do you watch it faithfully? When the anchorman goes, blah, blah, blah, Do you go bah, bah, bah? And you ask us do androids dream of electric sheep? Yes. We dream of you." --The Android Sisters For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe, no explanation is possible. "Come on! Fight! I've seen more drama in Musashi films!" --Tenshi "I'm an American! This metric shit doesn't count anywhere but in the lab!" --Bryce "I will let no man take me down so low as to let me hate him." --Booker T. Washington "Terrorists took over my website." --Kash "Technically speaking, I don't have any parents. I don't know if my test tubes went to college or not." --Hiro "They're a healthy alternative to Krispy Kreme!" "So's a nuclear bomb." --Kash and Jarin "Go ahead and give me that look - I'll put you on some sticky rice!" --Hiro, to Eris "Lyssa? Can I have my boyfriend back now?" --Mika "Think of me as weight training for your hands." --Lyssa "As a pagan, you won't run out of candles, but as a technomage you'll sure as hell run out of outlets. Just an observation." --Mika "To defend oneself against the accusations of a knave is to seek justice from the verdict of fools." --Aleister Crowley "If we were meant to be happy all the time, we wouldn't be human beings, we'd be game show hosts." --Corvaxgirl "Oh, meltdown. It's one of those annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus." --Mr. Burns "The arena language is an impressive scripting language based on ANSI-C, but extended to have some object-oriented methods and a very clever native-language calling interface which requires no extra glue in order to call functions in third-party libraries - the functions can be called directly from the arena script. This is the most fun I've had with my clothes on in years. Memo to self - must try this with clothes off." --Alistair Crooks "Information Society is not a series of tubes! It's a very small badger!" --InSoc "It's always somethin' stupid." --MA, on troubleshooting "..and one more thing: You'd better not suck." --Pyrotech C3H8, on doing the Robot "Wanted: Gravity field engineer. Fond of cows." --Lu "Why do hot teachers and teacher's assistants keep having sex with 15-year-old boys? And why wasn't I one of those 15-year-old boys?! This isn't a crime - this is every young man's dream come true." --Nyarlathotep, on teacher-student sex scandals "In preparation, I suggest all of you read John Uri Lloyd's exquisite theosophical novel _Etidorpha_ now. You will note that the eyeless humanoid from within the Hollow Earth will be making a guest appearance in _Howard Phillips_, and that you will get to see his wang." --Nyarlathotep, on his NaNoWriMo '06 project "We sound like we're going on a raid or something." --MA, on PH and I going to a staff meeting offsite dressed in leather "Politics is the entertainment division of industry." --Anonymous "Imagine the X-Files has world-class sex with Alias, and produces a mutant offspring with a taste for crank that lives 20 minutes in the future." --Chuck Lawson, on the unaired TV pilot for _Global Frequency_ "Blood is the life but coffee's not bad." --Chris Miller "Applying dbus-0.61-i-hate-qt-so-much.patch ..." --From the output of 'emerge dbus' on Leandra "Show me a person who can believe in a trinity and call it monotheism and I'll show you a person who can believe anything." --Robert A. Heinlein "I think it is generally well known that Oracle has the shittiest piece of installation software in this godforsaken industry full of really bad, really shitty products." --T.Pascal "Maybe God wants you to run because He wants Bill Nelson to be senator." --Ed Rollins, to Kathy Harris "The shortest verse in the Bible is 'Jesus wept'. The only thing wrong with it is the past tense." --Fred MacIntyre, _Something Positive_, 20061010 "98% of the population are just idiots, and 99% of the remainder believe that they are not." --Anonymous "Sendmail may be safely run set-user-id to root." --Eric Allman, _Sendmail Installation Guide_ "After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world." --Oscar Wilde, on absinthe "What is it? Three weeks without food, three days without water, three hours without Internet access?" --Hasufin "I'm a Pagan, not a member of the SCA." --Gwynethfar "kill -9 needs no justification!" --The Bastard Operator from Hell "A man may be a fool and not know it, if he's not married." --Uzbekistani saying Von's First Law Of The Internet: "The net is allergic to truth, reason and humour." "DOS 3.3 is the world's best operating system for running sequencers - as long as those sequencers aren't necessarily expecting to find something more 'advanced'." --Andrew Eldritch, on Doktor Avalanche "I'd be kind of terrified that if I didn't come during the sex my gonads would be like a seminal hand grenade waiting to go off. It might take days. I'm done having sex with Gini, I get in the car, I go to talk to a client about some programming, and just as we shake hands suddenly my shoes are overflowing. How can you look professional when your crotch looks like you just dropped a vanilla ice cream cone on it?" --The Ferrett, on ejaculation and timing "The universe doesn't have to make sense to you, it just has to make sense." --Katrina Finch, _Global Frequency_ "Rule 1: When someone talks about 'the children' watch out for your wallet. Rule 2: When someone talks about 'the children' watch out for your freedoms. And now, it seems: Rule 3: When someone talks about 'the children' watch out for your democracy." --Andrew Stuttaford "If my own daughter, upon turning 18, can marry a man I have no respect for, and there is nothing in law I can do about it, why should I presume that I have the right to tell two perfect strangers whom they should choose to marry?" --Anonymous, on same-sex marriage "Apparently, Bigfoot smells like crotch. Not ass. Crotch." --Anonymous paranormal skeptic "I want competant. We're basically in DC, at least 500 miles from the nearest honest man." --Hasufin, on usability consultants "Security must be baked in, not spread on." --General Dynamics marketing copy "Not to worry.. I have yet another plan." "Oh, yeah?" "It starts with you getting me another beer." "Dare I ask what comes after that?" "I don't want to go into too many specifics, but rest assured drinking will be involved." --Tony and Greg (the cartoonist), _Real Life Comics_ "Everything natural is good! Like natural... selection." --Luighseach "Information is more dangerous than cannon to a society ruled by lies." --James M. Dakin "Dude! Stop thinking 'Prague police' and start thinking 'Playstation'! You've got a bazooka!" --Xander, _xXx_ "Dude, if you ever make me piss in a portajohn like that again, I'm going to try to grow a dick." --Lyssa, on the Maryland Renfaire "Dude. We're going to faire tommorrow. Greater Demons are not cool." --Hasufin, on my MegaHAL project "Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites, standing for absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college." --Kurt Vonnegut "Technology which is 20 years ahead of anything declassified can look alien just fine." --Echelon "You are an excellent improvisational cook, Lyssa." "I bore easily." --The Doctor and Lyssa "What is this? Did the quadratic formula explode?" --Strong Bad "Money's only money - but not having to worry about appendix issues or wonder if you're going crazy because you passed a Phantom Kidney Stone is priceless!" --Pegritz "My time on IRC has taught me a valuable lesson... On the Internet, all the men are men, all the women are men, and all the children are FBI agents." --OnyxIR "I'd like to have lunch with you--but it might help the terrorists." --Caroline Casey "What the hell is this angsty thing?" "Anime. You've never heard of it?" --Lyssa and Jarin "Knitting.. is a virus." --Jarin "'Bite me' is the Godwin's Law of arguing." --Lyssa "Dude! That deserves a toaster." --Jarin "We really put the 'bitch' in 'stich'." "Stitchin' is optional. Bitchin' is not." --Lyssa and Cate "I feel like I'm in the metaphysical equivalent of _You Can't Do That On Television_ and I made the mistake of saying 'water'." --Jessica Melusine "When you raise something that ain't an idiot, it's a lot more work." --Lyssa, on precocious children "There's only one topic that can get me away from yarn but she's not allowed and you're not interested!" --Cate, to Lyssa and Jarin "I made sense of the dead kittens!" "Then you can take care of THIS in your spare time..." --Cate and Lyssa, knitting "For art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: Intoxication." --Freidrich Nietzsche Behold the unborn fetus and Weep salt tears crocodilian; All life is sacred (save, of course, An enemy civilian). "You have to love a show where the host uses a Leatherman tool to cook." --The Doctor, on Alton Brown "Good's gonna triumph over evil, just as soon as it learns to fight dirty." --Garth Ennis, _Preacher_ "Whip me, beat me, come all over me, tell me you love me. Then get the fuck out." --Anonymous "Please state the nature of the technological emergency." --Hasufin, certified ETSH (Emergency Technical Support Hologram) "Many people hear voices when no-one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing." --Margaret Chittenden "Oh, gods... that makes the baby Tesla cry." --The Doctor "You know, once you feng shui the organs it's actually kind of cozy." --Stewie, _Family Guy_ "All mystics have had psychotic breakdowns, although not all psychotics are mystics." --Agent 139, _Join My Cult_ "Isn't the new BSG [Battlestar Galactica] a rip-off of the old BSG?" "Sure, in the way that a supercomputer is a rip-off of a vacuum tube." --Turbo Turtle and Iago "We called it [the promotional effort] 'The One True Bling'." "My prizzecious, yo!" --Alobar and Blue "Are those good time handcuffs or bad time handcuffs?" --Molly, _Death Masks_ "One must give props to the old school, in order that one may be keeping it real." --Jim Butcher "The lion may be the king of the jungle, but air drop one into Antarctica and he's just a penguin's bitch." --Lord Tepes "If people really want to break in, they will find ways and means of doing it and JASS hardening won't stop them." --Anonymous Sun Microsystems user forum member "If the answer isn't violence / then neither is your silence!" --Pop Will Eat Itself, _Ich Bin Ein Auslander_ "Yes, she's a witch, but she's our witch! Cut her the hell down!" --Mal Reynolds, _Firefly_ "I believe in exogamy!" --Sami "We've decided that gin is bottled heterosexuality." --Sami "What do you do when God agrees with your heresy?" --The Angel of Doubt "Never underestimate the power of a fully armed and operational garden shed." --Morbid Curious "This could try the patience of a zen monk." --Nick, on knitting "Don't come to the stitch-and-bitch if you can't hold your own in the bitching part." --Lyssa "Oh, Christ.. does this mean that I'm the missing component of your TARDIS??" "Yes." "Yeah, you're the navigation system." --Kyrin, the Doctor, and Lyssa "I reject your reality, and substitute my own!" --Jamie Hyneman "Military intelligence. Not necessarily _high_ intelligence." --Kash "Come on.. who in the room wouldn't fuck David Bowie?" "Fag." "I'm a _lesbian_!" --Kyrin and Kash "I would also like to understand women." --Stephen Hawking, on his ambitions "I'm like the platypus - my mating season is very limited." --Kyrin "There are some XML tags for your website - ." --Kyrin "Hello, all my whiny Livejournal friends! Read MY Livejournal! There's nothing in it. Wanna know why? Because it'll make all of my friends think I'm more of a nimrod than I actually am." --Kyrin "Crazy is not sexually transmitted." --Kyrin "It's good to be the time traveller." --The Doctor "Absinthe tastes like a goth pissed in your mouth." --Kyrin "This looks like a urine sample, yet kicks like a mule." --Kyrin, on a cocktail of Bawls and Southern Comfort "Holy shit. I think my box [computer] ate a kittygirl! Bad computer!" --Kyrin "Plutonium: It's spicy!" --Hasufin "Hunter S. Thompson has been no more longer than he's been dead." --Hasufin "I'm going to regret asking this, but what the hell is THAT doing there?" --Hasufin "Fantasy has declared war on reality." --Kash "Just tell 'em to eat a big ol' bowl of Count Cockula." --Kyrin, on pretentiousness "Aw, fuck, he's runnin' for his keyboard." --Kyrin, after the previous remark "The _Utena_ movie is the weird French film of anime." --Mmsword "Team Ryoga?! Team Tom Baker, bitch!" --Kyrin "There was no porn involved!" "Riiiiiiiight...." "You can NOT navigate and masturbate at the same time!" --Lyssa, Lauren, and Kyrin "I read braille while I'm driving." "That's not braille, that's herpes." --Rialian and Kyrin "Uh, Doc? Why do you have depleted uranium handcuffs?" "...ex-girlfriend." "Uh, Doc? Why do you have a depleted uranium cockring?" "...ex-boyfriend." "Uh, Doc? Why do you have a.. wait, that's not depleted!" "Oh, wow! That's the only buttplug that could run a nuclear sub!" --Alexius, the Doctor, and Kyrin "Hold still, I'm stealing all of your stuff!" --'lex "The niobium condoms! Shiny!" --Hummingwolf "No nuclear devices that you cannot fit into a Rubbermaid trashcan!" --Kyrin "What purpose is singing? What is the meaning?" "It's just a different form of screaming." --Eli and Genetik "Oh God! I made eye-contact!" --Wayne Campbell "Democracy delivered with a bomb or a gun / is terrorism in the world I'm from." --MC Frontalot, _Special Delivery_ "Hurt people hurt people." --Zeph Daniels "I love you, Bryce.. so much that I'm going to teach you to iron." --Lyssa "A little fear will control the minds of the common people." --Rufus Shinra, _Final Fantasy VII_ "Introduction of aliens is a characteristic shark-jumping. Consider the introduction of Gizmo in the sixth and final season of the Flintstones, or the introduction of Alf into the first season of Alf." --Mike Lake, on prime-time television "When Willie Nelson passes you a joint, you don't say 'no'. I was on Mars for six hours." --Johnny Knoxville Jesus saves. God makes tape backups. Pan uploads copies to public FTP mirrors. "Bryce Lynch." "Hi. Is this John Smith?" "...no...." "Okay. " --Bryce answering the phone at work (caller's name changed) "Things are not fake when the (Hitachi Magic) Wand is around." --Chanta Rose "I believe I feel a rampage coming on." --Father Nightroad, _Trinity Blood_ "Despite all of this, could you pass the gravy?" --Korgoth "I'm gonna drink 'till I reboot!" --Bender, _Futurama_ "Paul strikes me as a very cranky guy." "Or bipolar." --Jarin and Hummingwolf on the Apostle Paul "It ain't my fault folk tend to shoot at me." --Mal, _Firefly: Heart and Sole_ "Brilliant Ph.D engineers do not usually make good system administrators." --Elizabeth Zwicky "XML is like violence: If it doesn't solve your problem, you aren't using enough of it." --Anonymous Godwin's Second Law: "As justifications for restrictive online laws are given, the probability of a politician mentioning child pornography approaches one." "And the Lord God said unto Noah 'you shall back up all thine files, and all the files of thine people. And the upload lasted for 40 days and 40 nights... For, lo, the LORD gave unto Noah an OC-48, and the LORD made it without latency, and it was good." --Hasufin "It would be of great comfort to me if the teeming millions could learn to think rationally about such things." --Cecil Adams "Sleep is for the damned." --River Tam "_Hellsing_: It's Vash on PCP!" --Lyssa, on _Hellsing_ "Repeat this mantra: All hardware sucks. All software sucks. Repeat until enlightenment." --Hasufin Microsoft: Making computer literacy unfashionable and undesirable since 1985. "You can't do it.. how could you possibly know if you've never tried?" --Father Abel Nightroad, _Trinity Blood_ "Get that robot some more beer!" --The Mayor, _Futurama_ "Kids, don't do drugs, we need them because of you." --Bill Maher, on drug use statistics in 2006 "Okay. What are you talking about?" --Raven, _Teen Titans_ "'Pain in the ass' is still better than 'Just doesn't work'." --Amy Skowronek "I have a feminine side. It happens to be a bull dyke, but it's a feminine side!" --Kyrin Gates's Law: The speed of software halves every 18 months. "Populating 128-bit file systems would exceed the quantum limits of earth-based storage. You couldn't fill a 128-bit storage pool without boiling the oceans." --Jeff Bonwick, developer of ZFS "When all else fails, violence prvails." --Maxim of electrical engineering "If there's one thing we've established over the years, it's that the vast majority of our users don't have the slightest clue what's best for them in terms of package stability." --Ciaran McCreesh, Gentoo Linux developer "If you leave the Christian Bible outside, eventually the wind and the rain will destroy it. My bible IS the wind and the rain." --Attributed to an unknown Native American woman "We need to inflict immense pain on anyone not using a real URI." --Anonymous programmer "If we don't protect freedom of speech, how will we know who the assholes are?" --The Onion "If masturbating was s'posed to be cute, pink bunnies would do it in meadows and ejaculate rainbows and flower petals." --Something Positive "This ATA is defective. It's bouncing around the room shouting 'Hastur! Hastur! Hastur!' I can't fix this." --Hasufin "You see? The mysteries of the Universe are revealed when you break stuff." --Coop, _Megas XLR_ "Remember, always be yourself. Unless you suck." --Joss Whedon "Garlic ramen, for the win!" --Solo "Hey! Can I join you for a tasty stick of death?" --Nick, joining Mika for a cigarette "Adamantium is not a spice!" --Hasufin "I love being surrounded by fellow perverts. It's like coming home." --Nick "It's anti-Jolt." "Did they carbonate antifreeze? Antifreeze, windshield wiper fluid, or pineapple juice." --Hasufin and the Doctor "I wonder if you can ferment a Twinkie." --Rialian "Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works, and so on. Up until _Doom_, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun." --Terry Pratchett "I can build my own computer: Better. Faster. Stronger. Cuter." --Mika "To be saved is to fall into the ludicrous and satanic flippancy of false piety, kitsch." --Thomas Merton "Enemy -- SP (Suppressive Person) Order. Fair Game. May be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed." --L. Ron Hubbard, _Fair Game Doctrine_ "Holy shit, I totally see a cult movie in the making here." --Pegritz "Boobies help a musical very much." --Lyssa, on Patti LaPone "If I shared files, I'd be dangerous. I'm on dialup, so I'll be slowly dangerous." --Hummingwolf "This would test the patience of a Tibetan monk." --Nick, on knitting "American politics are one part _The Illuminatus Trilogy_ and one part _Hey, Vern, It's Ernest!_" --The Doctor "Note that serial interfacing is NOT a trivial task - you will often need unusual cables, and ports are not standardised between machines, in some cases, not even consistent on one machine. It is assumed that you know how to select the appropriate cable to go between your computer and the device acting as your serial terminal. A full tutorial on serial interfacing is beyond the scope of this article, however, we offer one hint: Just because the ends plug in doesn't mean it will work." --The OpenBSD v3.9 FAQ "Chase after truth like hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat-tails." --Clarence Darrow "I pulled the fridge out into the center of the kitchen. I looked behind it. I went and found a couple D-10s. A sanity check was clearly required." --Zoethe, on cleaning behind the fridge for the first time in five years "The wicker man: Because even the most useless enemies have a use!" --Hasufin "People enjoy l33tspeak. They also enjoy _Firefly_." --Kash "How do you want your eggs?" "...unfertilised!" "Indeed!" --The Doctor, Lyssa, and Kash "For every expert, there is an equal and opposite expert." --Jeian "The Messiah will come. There will be a resurrection of the dead -- all the things that Jews believed in before they got so damn sophisticated." --Rabbi Meir Kahane "A gnome and a night elf couldn't 69, but a dwarf can give head without kneeling. This was proven in Ironforge last night." --Eli, World of Warcraft player "I think what we've learned today is that if there is a god, it isn't anywhere the fuck near AOL search." --SomethingAwful.com on the leaked AOL search records "No, chocolate is a masturbatory aid." --Hasufin "Viagra is my favourite vitamin." --Cate "Where's the flying aluminum debris when you need it?" --John Stewart "USENET is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it." --Gene Spafford "It would be funny. Social engineering on a WTF level." --Vlad "Remember, folks - wherever you go, there is someone out there who's weirder than you." --Prezzey "If meat is murder, is tofu attempted murder?" --Eli "It's good there are no cats around while you're knitting." "Meow?" "Meow." "Mow!" "...fuck!" --Hasufin, Cate, Bryce, Lyssa, and Mika (who isn't a cat) "I take offense at any end of the world that I didn't have a personal hand in." --Hasufin "There you are. Dead kittens, untangled." --Cate "I think the terrists of 9/11 were actually just pissed off at airport security." --Lowmagnet, on the banning of all liquids on transoceanic flights "You could probably toss an octopus off of the USX Tower and it would survive the fall, as long as it landed in a tank of salt water, of course." --Pegritz "So, bottom line, glossolalia is meditation with a soundtrack. Cool." --Sunfell "I love you. I think I'll marry you." "Uh-oh, dude, that sounds like a threat." --Lyssa and Pegritz "It may be that the only way to survive the Apocalypse is to undergo it, first, within your own being." --Daniel Pinchbeck "If we can't wake up to the fact that deep down inside we are good, then we deserve to remain asleep dreaming we are evil." --Lon Milo DuQuette "Apparently the Creator likes diversity a lot more than we do." --Virginia Ramey Mollenkott "It seems that the other name for 'Uno' [the card game] is 'Fuck You'." --Jarin "I really had to act; 'cause I didn't have any lines." --Marilyn Chambers "So many cool fetishes, so many weirdos." --Cate "Your mistake is that you think all mechanically assisted organisms, like me, are pathetic cripples. In fact, we are better than we were before." --Ng ,_Snow Crash_ "In America, we boil the beer to pasteurize it, ostensibly to make it safer to drink. Now, I dont know how many people are killed in England every year from drinking unboiled beer - it could be thousands, it could be millions. This is completely irrelevant. The only thing that matters is understanding that it is worth killing them." --The Ferrett "Play your own game; be your own man; and don't ask anyone for a stamp of approval." --Hunter S. Thompson "What someone drunk has on his tongue comes from his conscience when he is not drunk." --Yiddish proverb "Israel looks beautiful this time of the year. If you think artillery is beautiful." --Newck "It looks like a triumphal attitude doesn't need the truth any longer, just an unidentified 'reliable source'." --The Wild Hunt "I'm sorry I beat up your mother. I was aggreived! I was not in my right mind! Heh heh heh.." --Lyssa "America's two greatest inventions are finger-fucking and carpet-bombing." --Lyndon B. Johnson "I figured, it was a Vanilla Ice concert; some hilarity had to come of this." --The Doctor "I was like the Taxi Hailing Man this weekend: Every time I called for one, bam, we got one, it was weird." --Vlad "Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion - you must set yourself on fire." --Reggie Leach "An asshole can go from 'pinkie' to 'goatse'." --C4bl3fl4m3, on anal penetration "There is nothing biblical about creating divisions between people." --Emanuel Cleaver, US Representative, pastor of St. James United Methodist Church, Kansas City, Kansas "So, let's lighten things up and discuss abortion for a while." --Lord TBT "Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." --Aldous Huxley "The difference between schizophrenic delusion and gnostic revelation can also be a rather shaky one, at times." --Skelkins "You can be Art Vader and I'll be Emperor Ratsinger!" --Aaron Donahue, 20060226 "Grits are the tofu of rednecks." --Hasufin "I imagine the temperature is 'suck'. Deep and abiding 'suck'." --Lyssa, on summer in DC "Normally I would not be so overt about this - but in light of recent events, I don't think I can put this any other way. In short, I think that the Middle East needs pot now, more than it ever has before. I think that the disparate warring factions involved in this mess all need to take a hit off the bong and put on some goddamn Iron Butterfly before they blow the world to smithereens." --Number Seven "I'M an odd person? I'm surrounded by people who like (the) Cruxshadows!" --Kash "'But Ferrett,' you say. 'When I look at the personal ads in swing boards, I see men outnumbering women ten to one!' But look closer, my friend: What you will see are close-ups of penises. You will note that you never see a face, for these are not men, but rather the Disembodied Organs From Zeta Tau - an alien species somewhat like a cuckoo who nestles in the crevices of willing women to spawn their young. Imagine the surprise of those poor husbands who have subcontracted their lusts to a stranger on the internet, only to find a disembodied, fleshy cock floating at the door in its turbo-powered hoverchair! Actual men who are willing to fuck people are rare indeed." --The Ferrett, on swingers' BBSes "Skip the hugs, give me booze!" --Mr. Cynical, _Under Power_ "The truly scientific mind is as hesitant to depricate as it is to lend support." --August Derleth "Two women in bed is proof that there is a God and that he loves us. Two MEN in bed is SATANIC!" --Bill Hicks "Thats not our fault! We're just doing our jobs!" "And with that sentence you just lost the right to even speak to me, now BACK OFF!" --Programmer and the Doctor, _Doctor Who: Bad Wolf_ "I think that the library is a privilege. It is an extra. It's not something you need to have. It's a nice thing to have." --Margi Wallo, trustee, Loudon Public Library "Dude! It smells like sex in here!" --D-M- "If there was a Burger King toy, then the show isn't obscure." --The Doctor, on 80's television shows "Cookies make the stupid go 'way." --Mika "Identify yourself." "You will identify first." "State your identity!" "You will identify first." "Identify." "This is illogical. You will modify." "Daleks do not take orders!" "You have identified as Daleks." "Outline resembles the inferior species known as 'Cybermen'." "Daleks have no concept of elegance." "This is obvious." --Dalek and Cyberleader, _Doctor Who: Doomsday_ (let the snarkfest begin!) "There will be more bungholes after me!" --Beavis "Oh, fannish joy, oh, fannish joy / you empty out my wallet!" --Lyssa, to the tune of _Oh Tannenbaum_ "Though one defeats a million men in battle, one who overcomes the self alone is in fact the highest victor." --Buddha "What kind of cyberpunk society can we have if corporations behave like responsible citizens?" --Steven Redux "You got it backwards, Leonard! Backwards!" --Art Bell "Conversation, not content, is king." --Corey Doctorow "We are each entitled to our own opinion, but no one is entitled to his own facts." --Patrick Moynihan "Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man." --Joubert "However scary aliens seem, it's the humans you have to fear." --Uri Geller "Bitch, you can't even hold onto your weapon! You're worse than Harrison Ford in _Bladerunner_! You make freaking Neo look like God! Now go get mangled so you can be cool, chosen bitch! " --Mr. Cynical, _Underpower_ "We went to Coldstone today. I had peanut butter ice cream with white chocolate chips. It was tasty. I burped it up later; it was still tasty!" --Kash "I'm nobody's fucking cartoon." --Spider Jerusalem "You should always assume anything you write online is stapled to your resume'. People don't realise you get Googled just to get a job interview these days." --Jon Callas The NSA is now funding research not only in cryptography, but in all areas of advanced mathematics. If you'd like a circular describing these new research opportunities, just pick up your phone, call your mother, and ask for one. "You want to see something stupid and kind of funny?" "I'm already looking at our portal site." --J- and H- "Don't be too rational, though. Seriously." --L-G- "Virtual reality is like mainlining television." --William Gibson When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. --Clarke's First Law "A hundred failures would not matter when a single success could change the destiny of the world." --Arthur C. Clarke, _2001: A Space Odyssey_ "The hype machine is entirely enthusiast-created and since that day I realized Steve Jobs could sell a fart provided he sued a public Mac forum for talking about it before its release." --Clint DeBoer "CNN: Bringing you the finest news of AAAAAAAAAHHHHHUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!" --Jon Stewart "Hey, did you hear? Now we're taking on water. All we need now is a fire in the galley and we'll be in _The Hunt For Red October_." --T-B- Steve Ballmer: Innovation! Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. "This transmission is coming to you from the newly finished 'DS-One', my new space station, currently situated directly above Washington, DC." "Isn't 'DS-One' kind of a misnomer, since you're not in deep space, but are actually just.." "It stands for 'Death Station'! Not everything is about _Star Trek_!" --Tony and anonymous MIB, _Real Life Comics_ "Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking." --Jerome Lettvin "Anyone that gets legal advice from a Slashdot needs about 100mg of Thorazine every 6 hours. --19th Nervous Breakdown "Why write strong women characters? Because if you don't believe women are strong, than you've obviously never met one." --Kash, on Joss Whedon's acceptance speech in 2006 "I'm proud of the freedoms we used to have." --George Carlin "It is easier to kill the Light within oneself, than to scatter the Darkness around." --Geser, _Night Watch_ "No sleep, no sympathy." --Eli "So, if you get writer's block, let the cat walk across the keyboard and debug the results." --Randal L. Schwartz, Tom Phoenix, and Brian D. Foy on comparison operators, _Learning Perl_ "No one has a problem believing in doubt." --Professor Robert Glass "I played poker with tarot cards last night. I got a full house and four people died." --Steven Wright "Diversity of human experience is curable. With modern medical intervention, everyone can be made to be exactly the way They say you ought to." --The Amorpha Household "Hi, God, it's me, Harry. Please don't turn me into a pillar of salt." --Harry Dresden, _Summer Knight_ "Nature doesn't care how smart you are. You can still be wrong." --Richard Feynman "I got a masters' degree to get a good job so I could afford air conditioning." --Lyssa "There is not one redeeming feature in our superstition of Christianity. It has made one half the world fools, and the other half hypocrites." --Thomas Jefferson, _Notes on the State of Virginia_ "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy." --Ernest Benn "Bob Saget, bitch.. you betta' ask someone." --Genetik "Don't sweat it - it's not real life. It's only ones and zeroes." --Eugene Spafford "That, by the way, sir, is called a WAG - a Wild-Ass Guess." --Art Bell "Welcome to eBay, where the part is free, but the 'shipping' is $356.97." --David Lesher "Don't we already have enough muppets trying to come to Thresholds?" --Jarin "There does not appear to be an established 'dumbass with a computer and not enough sleep' musical genre, so I decided to create it." --Frater AChDAE "Garlic, salt, and pepper: The holy trinity." --Lyssa "Ask not what you can do for science fiction -- ask how you can edge away from it and still get paid there." --Bruce Sterling "Slashdotters preaching tolerance and maturity? Next thing will probably be MS opening the source for Vista and seven angels with trumpets..." --Plammox "I live in Switzerland. Do I give a fuckin' rat's ass for US export regulations?" --Marc Balmer "We are not your customers. YOU ARE OUR CUSTOMER. Our driver sells your chips." --Theo de Raadt "We won't find anywhere as nice as Earth unless we go to another star system. It is important for the human race to spread out into space for the survival of the species." --Stephen Hawking "Be realistic for once, if humans were meant to live on the moon, there would be trees and oxygen." --Cleopas, on the previous quotation "..or it could be thirty feet. I could survive thirty feet." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: The Satan Pit_ "History is made by men who do not think of the ultimate effects of what they are doing." --Robert Anton Wilson, _The Widow's Sun_ "Where are my seeing-eye furries?" --Lyssa "Waiter! This lambchop tastes like an old sock!" --Sheri Lewis "The Pittsburgh job market just blows in new and exciting ways." --Vlad "Netrake: A four million dollar cotter-key." --Anonymous telecom engineer "Team Ryoga, for the win!" --Hasufin, WtT 2006 "You (the car rental place) aren't right across the street from the theatre." "No, not really." --Julia and anonymous Enterprise Rent-A-Car drone, on why we drove around for a solid hour looking for the storefront "Curiosity is an amazing weapon in the industrial espionage arsenal." --Neil Gaiman "I turned away from him again and said, very quietly, 'People like you always mistake compassion for weakness. Michael and Sanya aren't weak. Fortunately for you, they're good men.' "Cassius laughed at me. "'Unfortunately for you, I'm not.' "I spun around, swinging the bat as hard as I could, and broke Cassius's right kneecap." --From _Death Masks_, by Jim Butcher "You never know who your enemy is until they start firing at you." --"Hank" "Elegance don't mean shit when I'm up to my ass in alligators." --Bill Kearney "I want to be a troubleshooter but you need to show me how to troubleshoot." --Anonymous engineer "Sorry, when I see Microsoft and Oracle on a security-related project, my only response is to fire up the bong so that I can have fun reading what they propose." --George Capeheart "MY PROCRASTINATION WILL ONLY BUILD YOUR DREAD, so the Apocalypse will be even worse than you originally imagined when I finally get around to it." --Pegritz, 20060606 "If you change the defaults and ignore all the warnings, you too can write insecure code! Is human stupidity a software bug?" --Paul Schmehl "'One simple job, she'll be fine!'" "She is fine! 'cept for bein' still crazy, she's the picture of health!" --Simon and Mal, _Serenity_ "Discordianism has much spiritual value. Just... don't pray anywhere near me, OK? I'd rather not be in the blast radius, if it's all the same to you." --Kalium "Tribal peoples lived in 'poverty' for millennia, not knowing that their lives lived close to nature were horrible and squalid because they didn't have iPods or golf club memberships." --Walker "If you target idiots, the only users you'll get will be idiots." --Anonymous "Sendmail was more useful as a litmus test than as an MTA." --Derkjan de Haan "Happiness lies in being privileged to work hard for long hours in doing whatever you think is worth doing." --Robert A. Heinlein "I have nightmares about Hell, where all I do is add up numbers and try to have conversations with people like you." --Bob the Skull, _Harry Dresden: Vignette_ "Ninety. And sunny. The official weather is 'suck-ass'." --Lyssa, on summer in Virginia "Whoever directed that trailer should have done the movie." --Kash, on _X-Men 3_ "Look at this! I just invented the home video recorder thirty years early." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: The Idiot's Lantern_ "To lose is to win, and he who wins shall lose." --Proverb "Freedom to differ is not limited to things that do not matter much. That would be a mere shadow of freedom. The test of its substance is the right to differ as to things that touch the heart of the existing order." --Former U.S. Supreme Court Justice Robert Jackson "I don't have writer's block, I have a mortgage." --Jim Butcher "The error message that you are seeing is not necessarily the true error that you are experiencing." --Anonymous programmer "You bad dog..." "Affirmative!" --Headmaster Fitch and K-9, _Doctor Who: School Reunion_ "I believe that Paulius, proprietor of the Velvet Tango Room in Cleveland, Ohio, is the fucking Willy Wonka of alcoholic beverages. That man can make a drink with a ten-second aftertaste that mutates in effervescently-pleasant ways upon the tongue. I know, for I have tasted it." --The Ferrett "There should be a lesson we can learn from the newest Doctor Who series about what happens when you deliver a British cultural icon into the hands of a gay Welshman: Namely, the show gets very gay and goes to Cardiff a lot." --Whitney Cox "Now is the time on Sprockets when I cook in a bra." --Lyssa "The missus and the ex - welcome to every man's worst nightmare." --Mickey, _Doctor Who: School Reunion_ "If you can get 90 percent of the desired effect for 10 percent of the work, use the simpler solution." --Bob Scheifler "F- is telling us that D-link has a new router... the 1.4 version of firmware doens't work, the 1.5 does, and the 1.6 doesn't. I'm, like, 'What is this, the Star Trek Principle of routers?'" --Hasufin "There are people who love you, Faith. Or who one day will. Even if you can't see them beside you, right here, right now, they're out there. But if you let the dark get into your eyes, you might never find them. So it's best to keep a little light with you, along the way." --Harry Dresden, _Restoration of Faith_ "Contractors are very much like professional dominants. You pay them and completely give up all control over the matter." --Em L. "This freakout brought to you by the letters O, M, F, and G." --Lyssa "What's wrong with a van? I once saved the universe with a big yellow truck!" --Mickey Smith, _Doctor Who: The Age of Steel_ "Sandra Bullock is fucking brilliant in that shit." --Mark Nicholas, on _Speed 2: Cruise Control_ "The only way to make sure people you agree with can speak is to support the rights of people you don't agree with." --Eleanor Holmes Norton "Object-oriented design is the roman numerals of computing." --Rob Pike "I'm a big believer in the no-fault divorce. 'She's a bitch, he's an asshole, get the hell away from one another and don't look back.'" --The Doctor "If one would give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest man, I would find something in them to have him hanged." --Cardinal Richelieu (Armand Jean du Plessis) "That's a sonogram. That's not cute. That's a Giger painting." --Laurelinde "You know that 'we come in peace' business? Bite me." --Jack, _Stargate: SG-1 - New Ground_ "Any view of things that is not strange is false." --Neil Gaiman "It's not like anyone will just stand here and stare at it [a nine-screen super monitoring display] - they'll just walk up, find the number they need, and walk away." "Nah - put a good 3D screensaver on it, D-'ll stand there and watch it for hours." "Yeah, but a couple of tabs of acid in a bowl, the whole NOC'll be standing here." --S-B- and T-B- "Sometimes I get tired of being the guy who is supposed to deal with un-deal-withable situations." --Harry Dresden, _Proven Guilty_ "Hey.. our health plan has a ten dollar co-pay on amphetamines." "Excellent. That's a lower startup cost than building a meth lab. Much less risk of blowing your house up, too." "Don't tell management about this, they'll buy it for you and put it in the candy dish. 'You can work twenty hours, now! Get to it!'" --Rhianna and the Doctor "Nobody has a patent on God." --Sherri Steiger "Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing." --Dee "You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete." --Buckminster Fuller "You'll be amazed how well people can be anesthetized from the pain of a bad day by twenty-two minutes of situational comedy." --Chris Nakashima-Brown "As a fortean, I have no opinion." --Old t-shirt "It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts." --Sir Arthur Conan Doyle "She's dead. The last TARDIS in the universe.. extinct.." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Rise of the Cybermen_ "Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards." --Lois McMaster Bujold "Superman could bukkake-shotgun Lois Lane into oblivion." --The Ferrett "Rote memorization is no replacement for the Geek gene." --Sean Benson "Technologies don't emerge unless there's someone who thinks he can make a bundle by helping them emerge." --William Gibson "There's something magical about a dairy product that doesn't need refrigeration." --jeanie "The problem is that hotness is a subjective thing. Me? I like soft, traditionally feminine women, like my wife. However, my wife Gini adores Sigourney Weaver, because she likes women who look like they could bench-press a bank." --The Ferrett "Take care, don't fight, and remember: If you do not choose to lead, you will forever be led by others. Find what scares you, and do it. And you can make a difference, if you choose to do so." --J. Michael Straczynski "Thanks for letting me pet your kitty, Mr. Dresden." --The Archive, _Death Masks_ "I am the king of France!" "Yeah? Well, I'm a Lord of Time!" --Louis XV and the Doctor, _Doctor Who: The Girl In the Fireplace_ "I shoot lit-tle pix-els!" --Lyssa "Hey, look.. I found your grandmother's stash." --Bryce "Sometimes, I'm glad we share blood and not brain cells." --Jarin to Duo SNMP: Some Nimrod Made Promises "I'm going to run over and grab a paycheck." "Make sure you don't get your own. Grab one of the executive's paychecks." --T- and Hasufin "They are the enemy, D-. They are the enemy." --J-B- "I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past." --Thomas Jefferson "That's a big, flailing rubber cock, all right." --D-M- "I am very easy to get along with, but I don't have time to waste being nice to people who are being stupid." --Theo de Raadt "I am just too tired to deal with Teh Stupid today. I don't have my tinfoil hat and their brainwaves are affecting my mind." --Lyssa "The cool kids of the future are co-opting the nerd lifestyle." --Bredmold "Do any of you guys know where your fearless leader is?" "That's a negative, Ghost Rider, pattern is full." --B-H- and D-M- "When I hear the phrase 'ex-NASA scientist' I tend to reach for my revolver." --Terrence McKenna "I quite like sacrificing small animals, and if Satan won't appreciate them, then I shall do so in the name of Bob Ross." --Anonymous "I ended up doing a show called _Squid Pro Quo_ that really got out of hand. It was not one of my proud and shining moments." --Alton Brown "'Louis! Are you happy to see me?' 'No, that's my mobile phone.'" --Louis Trapani, on 1980's cellphones "Come on.. let's burn this place down, Pookie." --J-B- "Hamsters make good drinking buddies with their itsy weenie beer mugs and blunt humor. Let's try not to eat them." --Unknown marketing team "There is something wrong with my computer. It is really slow... I mean really slow. It is like having a conversation with Keanu Reeves." --Unknown office worker "Oh my God. I'm the tin dog." --Mickey, _Doctor Who: School Reunion_ "Fuck being a broke ass magician. There is nothing inherantly powerful about being poor." --Sammaelhain "The biggest difference between a friend and everyone else around you is: A friend will still kick your ass, only they'll know when to stop." --Rick "You're ten seconds away from the most embarassing moment of your life." --Ford Fairlane "Better study your math and science kids. There's kids in China, starving for your job." --Jabber "There are men nowadays who cannot distinguish between the truth and the last thing they happen to have read." --Oscar Wilde "We had to close the door, it was Vanilla Ice time." --J-B- "Heroes without pants?? Deleted after a nun fainted." --Codeman, in the README file for FF Epica "Immolation is the sincerest form of flattery." --Timothy McClanahan "People used to think of open-heart surgery as this draconian thing. Now we have what really is a kinder, gentler open-heart surgery." --Dr. Charles Bridges, Pennsylvania Hospital cardiologist in residency "It's a kind of a weird thing, for a person my age to be the world's oldest raver." --Terrence McKenna "There is candy and porn in our house! What more do we need?" --Lyssa "At least two-thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity: Idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religous or political ideas." --Aldous Huxley "Secrecy is the keystone of all tyranny. Not force, but secrecy... censorship. When any government, or any church for that matter, undertakes to say to its subjects, 'This you may not read, this you must not see, this you are forbidden to know,' the end result is tyranny and oppression, no matter how holy the motives. Mighty little force is needed to control a man whose mind has been hoodwinked; contrariwise, no amount of force can control a free man, a man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything you can't conquer a free man; the most you can do is kill him." --Robert A. Heinlein "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." --Dr. Seuss "Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth." --Benjamin Disraeli "Fanfic means someone cares about what you wrote." --Theresa Nielsen Hayden "It's called science, conspiracy theorist. Do try keep up." --Eli "In this world, I simply hope for something strange. I'm only occasionally disappointed." --Hasufin "No. No junk in hand while talking. Bad mojo." --D-M- "You want weapons? We're in a library. Books! Best weapons in the world!" --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Tooth and Claw_ "Give me your children until they are seven, and they are mine forever." --Unknown, widely attributed to the Jesuit College, on Christianity "Remember how long you've been putting this off, how many extensions the gods gave you, and you didn't use them. At some point you have to recognize what world it is that you belong to, what power rules it and from what source you spring, that there is a limit to the time assigned you, and if you don't use it to free yourself it will be gone and will never return." --Marcus Aurelius, _Meditations_, 2:4 "Server go down the hoooooooooole." --Baby Plucky Duck, MCSE "Ohio!" "Ohio!" "Ohio!" "Oklahoma!" --From _Inspector Gadget_ "Joan Miro... enhancing altered states of consciousness since 1893." --the.Silicon.Dragon "Microsoft: Bringing the world to your desktop - and your desktop to the world." --Peter Gutmann "It seems intuitively obvious to me, which means that it might be wrong." --Chris Torek "Mmm... 500GB, 7200 RPM, SATA hard drives.. yum. Hard [-ware] RAID is good.." "Jesus, Bryce, do you need a room?!" "I'm going to need some time alone. Could you guys go get coffee or something?" --The Doctor and D-M- "And as we all know, blinking lights means science." --Joss Whedon "Take it with a small Siberian salt mine." --Isaac Bonewitz "Does the Cisco definition of the word 'open' mean the same as HP's (ie OpenVMS... not really open)?" --Randal Rioux, on Cisco's 'open' IDS signatures "Aaaaaannnnd we're back with _Doctor Who: Podshock_. Ken Deep alongside Louis Trapani and across the mighty Atlantic Ocean, Mr. James Norton." "All right, screw you both." --Ken Deep, _Doctor Who: Podshock #34_, on Louis and James asleep at the wheel "I'm the decider, and I decide what's best." --George W. Bush "There are two means of refuge from the misery of life - music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer "[It is] best to confuse only one issue at a time." --Brian Kernighan and David Richie "The Iraq war ... was kind of a boom for our company." --Steve Rhodes, president, Sinulate Entertainment, on teledildonics products "When I am perfect, I will make every backspace and delete key on the face of this planet disappear. Until such time, I am willing to be patient with people." --The Doctor "My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed." --Christopher Morley "EXTREMELY SERIOUS WARNING AND GENERAL ASS COVERING: "This is completely alpha software. It hasn't even been tested properly. "It will almost certainly destroy all your data then come round your house, empty any the bags of flour all over the kitchen, kick in your TV, scratch the screen of your iPod Nano, get jam fingerprints on your favourite limited edition 'Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies' CDs and then urinate in your laundry basket. "In fact, to paraphrase Neal Stephenson: Unless you are as smart as Johann Karl Friedrich Gauss, savvy as a half-blind Calcutta bootblack, tough as General William Tecumseh Sherman, rich as the Queen of England, emotionally resilient as a Red Sox fan, and as generally able to take care of yourself as the average nuclear submarine commander, you should never have been allowed near this module. Please dispose of it as you would any piece of high-level radioactive waste and then arrange with a qualified surgeon to amputate your arms at the elbows and gouge your eyes from their sockets." --Simon Wistow, from the documentation for Backup::Target::Gmail in the CPAN archive "It's time to go beyond the normal thing. It's time to do the super thing. It's time for DEVO. There's no question about it." --Nu-Tra, _DEVO: Nu-Tra Speaks_ "If you need any dick moods said or done, just ask Joe." --Joe "Oh, that's enigmatic. That is.. that is.. that is just text book enigmatic!" --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: New Earth_ "Yeah. Wow. That's really terrible. But you want advanced self-pity, I think that's Professor Summers across the hall." --Wolverine, _Astonishing X-Men: Torn_ "Now, my wife may think she's locked me out of the kitchen but MacGyver's not my patron saint for nothing." --Alton Brown chest trauma - noun complex - A polite way of saying "heart, lungs, and ribcage were liquified." "Ziggy isn't a cat. Ziggy is an alien intelligence." --Eli, on my cat "Sometimes it is better to enjoy the sunset than to perform spectroscopic analysis." --Richard "He who possesses art and science has religion; he who does not possess them, needs religion." --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe "It's always in the peoples' best interests to be under my iron-fisted rule." --Hasufin It is said that the Internet is a public utility. As such, it is best compared to a sewer. A big, fat pipe with a bunch of crap sloshing against your ports. "Far be it from me to suggest that any text has an inherent meaning." --Wilddragon "Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein." --H. Jackson Brown, Jr. "The difference between a shaman and a schizophrenic is that a shaman returns with control over these feelings [altered states]." --Michelle Belanger "Staying cool will only last a short time. After that, there will be wrath." --Mark Nichols "In many ways, I've always thought the early gospels resemble Jesus fanfic. You all get one character who was cool, and some canonical events, but how it proceeds after that was up to the individual writer--virtually all of the gospels were written long after the historical events, so historical reality didn't neccessarily intrude much on art. And eventually the New Testament was assembled when a bunch of people got together and read everything over and said 'Oh, hell no, Jesus/Judas is totally NOT canon!' and threw it out. They did this for a LOT of writings." --Ursula V. "We will stage history, the same way as other men stage plays." --Don Lope de Aguirre "Well, I have to say, I was looking at which component group model the bikes had and their size. On a lower end bike, I knew they would intrinsically be geared for wimps^Wpussies^Wbeginners." --the.Silicon.Dragon "Man, my monitor is awesome. PIP and PBP with component inputs and S-video. Too bad I don't have anything to hook to it." --Elwing "Excuse me, would you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?" --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Aliens of London_ "Freedom is always and exclusively freedom for the one who thinks differently." --Rosa Luxemburg "Apostrophes don't mean 'HERE COMES AN S!'" --Eli "Issues.. issues.. issues.. I have lots of issues." "Yes. You do." --I-L- and the Doctor "Pump It Up, In the Groove, DDR, four arrows, five arrows, eight arrows, I don't care. Dance 'em all, let god sort 'em out!" --Bayani "Lying. Bribing. Google. The answers to everything." --J-B- "The real weirdness does not have to be treated with respect or as though it were fragile. True weirdness is true weirdness: You can kick the tires, honk the horn, and drive it around the block." --Terrence McKenna "X-Day is sort of like Heaven's Gate with better pills." --Reverend Ivan Stang, Church of the Subgenius "Tim Leary will be the first person to go and get computers made illegal." --Dick Price "I'm ripped to the tits on a thousand mikes of acid today, of course, because we are talking to a couple of drug fiends later on, or at least one drug fiend depending on how our phone system works." --R.U. Sirius "Can we go into porn a little bit?" --Nova "A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men." --Willy Wonka "You choose your actions, not your situation. You can't choose your destiny. You can only choose what to do with it." --Debbie, _Indefensible Positions_ "In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American... There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." --Theodore Roosevelt "I couldn't understand how the country that I had risked my life for could believe that it was OK to rescind its job offer to me solely because I'm transgender." --Diane Schroer (she answered her own question, unfortunately) "But... but.. look at the polygons in that ass!" --Kash "Through prayer we speak to God. In meditation, God speaks to us." --Edgar Cayce "I always try things twice in case I didn't do it right the first time." --Nova "That desk was feeling something and it wasn't love." "Tough love." "The desk must be punished." --Seele, Genetik, and the.Silicon.Dragon "Dude, it's the pen that is mightier than the sword. Not a crayon." --Gini "Realizing that you don't know everything there is to know takes nothing away from the project or the people working on it. In fact it shows you know more than the people who refuse to recognize the reality." --Geo. craft error - noun - A polite way of saying "It's 0300, I just woke up.. oh, fuck! That's the wrong window!" "This is my church. This is where I heal my hurts. For tonight, God is a DJ." --Faithless "We have become the genitals of our machines. We exist only to improve next year's model." --Marshall McLuhan "Get this, my brother got engaged." "I knew we should have told him to use a condom. Fathers with their shot guns can convince a young man to do crazy things..." --Anonymous and the.Silicon.Dragon "Assume that everyone and anyone will go through it (your luggage)." --Lady Midori, on travelling with sex toys "You may all hammer on the server with complete abandon once again." --Anonymous engineer "Sincerity itself is bullshit." --Harry G. Frankfurt "If you legally acquire music, you need to have the right to manage it on all other devices that you own." --Steve Jobs, 2002 "Stage two! We have flatus containment! AAHHH-OOOO-GAAAHHHH!!! AAA-OOOOOOOOOOOOO-GAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAA-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO-GHAAAAAA!" --Adam Savage, _Mythbusters_ "Feral Boy, don't put that in your mouth! It was moving two minutes ago!" --Four Legs, _The Tick_ "I don't listen to cables; I listen to music." --Eli "If you need a lawyer to tell you what you can and can't do with it, it's not free." --Ben Goren, on EULAs "The problem with most people's wiggy experiences is that it never gets down to the nitty-gritty." --Terrence McKenna "Remember - the *single* most dangerous thing to the average Cisco router isn't a hacker with a 0-day IOS sploit - it's the 'banana eater with enable'." --Valdis Kletnieks, on clueless NOC monkeys messing with stuff at 0-dark-30 "If nothing else it was a great rehearsal." --Bob O'Connor, mayor of Pittsburgh, PA, on the city's response to the "pigeon sniper" on 20060323 "I'll tell you what. If there is ever a security problem (again :) in OpenSSH we will disclose it exactly like we want, and in no other way, and quite frankly since noone has ever paid a cent for it's development they have nothing they can say about it. "Dear non-paying user -- please remember your place." --Theo de Raadt "Hmm... _1959_ (by the Sisters of Mercy) is not cheering me. Whodathunkit." --Lyssa "You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." --Jack London "To a bureaucracy, the file cards ARE reality." --V, _V For Vendetta_ "A belt only covers two inches of your butt, the rest you have to back up on your own." --Royce Gracie 'Fundamentalism' isn't about divine morality. It's about human authority. "At times like this, I take a deep breath and ask myself, 'What would Doctor Gonzo do?' and then I don't do what Doctor Gonzo would do." --Chris "Genghis Khan and all his hordes couldn't break through that door. And believe me, they've tried." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Rose_ "Ferret-shui. Ooh, look! The shiny! The shiny!" --Mika "Doing business with the government is like fucking sheep. It's easy but it's not very satisfying." --Anonymous "There is no grammar on a bbs, anymore than there are rules in a knife fight." --Loaner "It's a toaster! I should be able to turn it on and make bread!" --D-M- (ranting about a malfunctioning network appliance) "A distributed system is one in which the failure of a computer you didn't even know existed can render your own computer unusable." --Leslie Lamport "[People who play RPGs are] depressed gamers who like to sit alone in their dark rooms and play slow games." --Yamauchi Hiroshi, 1999, after leaving Nintendo "Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them." --Dumas "Senator, when you took your oath of office, you placed your hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution. You didn't place your hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible." --Jamie Raskin, testifying 1 March 2006 before the Maryland Senate Judicial Proceedings Committee's hearing on a gay marriage amendment "Nothing replaces the human brain and the ability to RTFM." --Devdas Bhagat "Oooh, look! It's a bagel!" --Kyrin, upon meeting Mabel "Can I get a w00t-w00t?" "No." --D-M- and J-B- "Quit damaging our solidarity as atheists." "There is no such thing as atheist solidarity. That would make us a group." "Dude, when you talk like this, it makes me think of black-clad beat poets hanging out in coffee shops saying things like 'it's so trendy to be in "groups"'." --the.Silicon.Dragon and Lowmagnet "I bet #5 wouldn't even be able to repair himself in _Short Circuit 2_ if it was filmed today." --Eli, on Radio Shack "Do not adjust your mind - it is reality that is malfunctioning." --Robert Anton Wilson "When you say to me, 'I gotta take a vacation because banging a hot chick weekly is just too much to bear,' you get zero sympathy from me. Cruel, but that's just the way it is." --The Ferrett "We reject kings, presidents and voting. We believe in rough consensus and running code." --Dave Clark "This is not silly. This is a morality tale about the evils of sake." --Simon Tam, _Firefly: Objects In Space_ "Silly organic people! Don't they know that unless they glow in the dark in the future, they won't survive?" --Lyssa "It's a meat cookie!" --Lilly "Your twist-ties are slipping, fucker." --Mika "This is yokai raver bling." --Solo "Just tell me when you want that attunement." "Just let me find my pants." --Jarin and Solo "Ecstasy is in the skull, not the setting-up exercises." --Robert A. Heinlein "Doo-doo-DOO-doo. We're sorry, the number you have dialed does not accept anonymous calls, so fuck off." --Anonymous telecom engineer's dream IVR recording "Ding. Kitty done." --Lyssa, because I keep the heater in my car turned up "I think there is a clear correlation between the introduction of significant quantities of ketchup into the environment and global warming." --the.Silicon.Dragon "We invest in companies. We buy companies. We probably control seventeen or eighteen European country- companies." --Frank Carlucci, in an interview with News World "We must not confuse dissent with disloyalty. We must remember always that accusation is not proof and that conviction depends upon evidence and due process of law." --Edward R. Murrow "I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing." --Neil Gaiman "USA! Vote yourself fitter!" --Andrew Eldritch, on stage in Washington, DC, 20060307 "What we do not understand we do not possess." --Goethe "Time for more telephone system trivia!" --G-D- "It's 4am... do you know where your reference is pointing?" --the.Silicon.Dragon "The most dangerous candy you can hand out is candy that makes people reconsider the rules of the game." --Terrence McKenna "...well fuck me and marry me young." "D-, take care of that." "NO!" --The Doctor (in shock), J-M-, and D-M- "Hey! If it isn't Frankenmullet!" --Bartender, _The Venture Brothers_ "Wanna hear what Entertainment Weekly says are the worst twenty-five sequels ever?" "Sure. Read 'em off. But if they don't list Highlander II, I'm blogging my protest immediately." --Gini and Ferrett "My religion requires me to carry a .50 cal Desert Eagle around and smoke pot constantly." --Lowmagnet "Merge from HEAD and may God have mercy on this commit." --Anonymous CVS commit log "In my opinion, put a cute girl in anything and it's a fetish." --Nova "There are ten or twenty basic truths, and life is the process of discovering them over and over and over. --David Nichols "Anti-triangles don't exist in 2d space." "In fact Montana has a law against it." "It's their second biggest problem, aside from crystal meth." --Eli and Brian "They [cubicles] really do come up like mushrooms. And not the fun ones, either." --The Doctor "It's okay to leave them to die." --Simon Tam, _Serenity_ "Hey, you! Die in a fire! Carry on..." --D-M- "It is very rare that science gets involved in High Strangeness." --Hilly Rose "I work in Academia so a lot of my time is spent keeping your sons and daughters from doing stupid things on the nice brand new computers you bought them for graduation/birthday/Christmas." --Scott Fendley "Hey, hate da' gang, not da' playa'." "Bryce, there's something funny about you saying that." --The Doctor and D-M- "What in the world is that? Did you start an air conditioner?" "No, that's my CD-ROM drive." --J-B- and the Doctor "Security requires vigilance, get over it." --Matthew Schiros "If the people were to ever find out what we have done, we would be chased down the streets and lynched." --George H.W. Bush, Sarah McClendon Newsletter, June 1992 issue "Cosplay - it's all fun and games until some freak gets hold of a sewing machine." --Dogemperor "What is done to children, they will do to society." --Unknown "One think I like about OS X - if I'm sitting at my keyboard, tapping the shift key to the beat of some song, MacOSX doesn't ask if I'm crippled." --Lowmagnet "We cannot wait until an attack happens." --Alberto Gonzalez, US Attorney General "Great. I wanted to make something as lethal as an A-bomb, and instead I'm brewing ultraviolet beer." --Paul Boutin "All vulnerabilities deserve a public fear period prior to patches becoming available." --Jason Coombs "Kssshhht! Houston? Kssshhht! What the fuck?" --Duo "Bitch, go back to sleep. They're a phone company, not 7-11. They're going to go down sometime." --J-M-, to the Mighty Nerds "This box is so badly fucked you'd think it was a body double in a gangbang flick." --The Doctor, on a catastrophic system failure "I'm awake. I'm dressed. I'm here. I'm wearing shoes. If you want anything else, you're going to have to sacrifice something to me." --The Doctor "I don't want their respect, I want their obedience." --Dr. Thomas W. Shinder, M.D. "Release the pigeons! RELEASE THE PIGEONS!" --T-B- "I think we live in a self-perfecting system, and we just don't know it. Everything is fine. It's working perfectly; just let it correct itself and do what you can to help it correct itself when you become aware of it." --Grant Morrison "No jokes about moldovite suppositories!" --Terrence McKenna "Half their science may seem like guff, but it works a lot better for being so." --Greyjan the Sane, _Doctor Who: The Ancestor Cell_ "Blessed are the merciless, for they will know of mercy, and will rightly reject it for the soft, liberal, demonic ploy that it is." --Miz Liz "I support the free press, let's just get them out of the room." --George W. Bush, 11 February 2006 "To understand the process we need to have done it many times. If you cannot write the process down on paper you probably dont understand it completely." --Roelof Temmingh "I am the crisis nazi! No crisis for you!" --D-M- "Me, I'm still in line for that DNI. Give me an OC-3, direct to my brainstem." "You mean _Johnny Mnemonic_-style?" "Yeah." "Aah.. porn." "..active or passive?" "Depends on how you feel that day." --The Doctor and J-, on the future "We had to abandon the naievete' of alchemy to achieve its goals, which were mastery of space and time, control of human longevity and health, and psychological well-being." --Terrence McKenna "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody." --I Thessalonians, 4:11-12 "I gave in my opening statement similar examples where President Washington, President Lincoln, President Wilson, President Roosevelt have all authorized electronic surveillance on a far greater scale without any probable cause." --Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez "What I really need is a ring shaped like the human buttocks." --Art Bell "Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it." --Irving Berlin "With great slacking, comes great responsibility. Slack well, slack hard." --The Most High Lama "A state of war is not a rubber stamp for the executive branch to do whatever it pleases." --Sandra Day O'Connor "I maintain that Sephiroth was, in fact, once desktop support for Shin-Ra Electric. This explains much." --The Doctor, on _Final Fantasy VII_ "I bent reality to my will. I made the doctor's office accept my insurance. That is more power, even, than making God give me bacon." --Lyssa Heartson "Wy not use the best you can get/steal when you're a criminal?" --T.Dudek "You, Bladeless, and Aleris all look alike. You're all the same pod-people." --Lyssa "For good people to do evil things, it takes religion." --Stephen Weinberg "Organic food is okay, and drugs are better!" --Lyssa "Way to not suck." --Grant "I think a broken wang means it's time to go home." --Lyssa "The 80's are cool for the next few minutes, okay? I read it in a fucking magazine. I'm happy looking like Annie Lennox.." --Jolly Roger, _The Invisibles_ "These goggles look kind of like a bra." --Kash "I love a good parody. That's not a good parody." --The Doctor, on the Firefly parody _Mosquito_ "Psychic, though? That's something out of science fiction." "You live in a spaceship, dear." --Wash and Zoe, _Firefly_ "If you're not the hero in your novel, you need to do some heavy editing." --Terrence McKenna The FOX Television Network: Ruining interesting, intelligent, and well written television shows since 1995. "I stand erected. " --Ken Deep Jacquin's Postulate on Democratic Government: No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. "Happy Groundhog's Day everyone.. all I have to say is if that rat-bastard forecasted more snow, I'm going to drive Punxsutawney and run his furry ass over with my Cavalier." --Fern Dragonstar "I don't need that! I can alter my state of consciousness without having someone step on my testicles!" --Dave "The man (George W. Bush) claims to want to lead the nation and the world in technological advances and education, yet cannot even pronounce the word 'nuclear'." --E. Bryan Rumph "Now to ask the eternal question: 'What the hell happened here?'" --The Doctor "Time makes fools of prophets." --Sean David Morton "The right of the citizens to keep and bear arms has justly been considered as the palladium of the liberties of a republic; since it offers a strong moral check against usurpation and arbitrary power of rulers; and will generally, even if these are successful in the first instance, enable the people to resist and triumph over them." --Supreme Court Justice Joseph Story of the John Marshall Court "Rain. Nature's way of washing away the blood." --Eli "Yes, my friends. There are idiots among us." --Wicasta Lovelace "Cry outage and let slip the dogs of blame!" --Lani "How does a busty chick busting out of her shirt symbolise JAPAN WEEK?" "The image is the first result of a Google Images search for search for sakura. If Google associates this chick busting out of her shirt with Japanese festivities, so do we." --from the #silence website "You don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half-assed. That's the American way!" --Homer Simpson "Don't risk more than you can afford to walk away without." --Rule of Life #39 "VirtualPC eats CPUs for breakfast." --Eli "Granddad, you can't serve that! That food will cause... death!" --Huey, _The Boondocks_ "I can't get up! I'm paralysed with stickiness!" --Duo "I'll just take it in the face. If I duck it'll hit me in the ass." --Hasufin "We've done the impossible, and that makes us mighty." --Joss Whedon "I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's 'great' coffee. It's a caffeine transfer system. After a few sips, it's all academic, anyway." --The Doctor, on office coffee "You can get lost in a search for truth and gut the wonder out of the world." --Lyssa Heartsong "Try to do things that would make your friends say 'wow'." --Paul Graham "[T]he people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. This is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country." --Hermann Goering, Hitler's Reich-Marshall at the Nuremberg Trials "I personally believe that Theo's [de Raadt] forthrightness is why the OpenBSD cargo cult has so many tin foil hat wearing fan boys (and of course, many serious security people such as yourself)." --Andrew van der Stock "Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are." --Pope St. Gregory I "I don't see the benefit of gettin' invoved in strangers' troubles without an up front price negotiated." "They're whores." "I'm in." --Jayne and Mal, _Firefly: Heart of Gold_ "Folks, I don't know about you, but 'freshness' is the last thing I associate with porn star-caliber ejaculation." --Chaobell "Money-B, I love your new office, but the feng shui in here is completely fucked up." --Pegritz "Sorry, we are going to change nothing. Securelevels are useless." --Theo de Raadt, head of the OpenBSD team, on security advisory rt-sa-2005-15 (*BSD security level circumvention) "Love means never having to say that you're out of ammunition." --Chris Case "Junk mail AND bills! Bonus!" --Kash "Is 'RTFM' an option?" --Thomas Anders "A block of code, sufficiently well-written, is indistiguishable from magick." --ByteGuerrilla "I, for one, welcome the pants-shitting madness our Great Old One overlords." --Pegritz "No, no, no.. you want the odd-numbered Messiah!" --The Doctor "Get a life, not a lifestyle." --Hakeem Bey "HOST-RESOURCES-MIB::hrDeviceDescr.769 = An electronic chip that makes the computer work." --from the output of an SNMP MIB walk of a Netrake SE "If I list a directory, my CPU pegs." "Put down the octopus." --the.Silicon.Dragon and Genetik "I am 7.7 megapixels behind state-of-the-zomgjustreleased." --Lowmagnet "Aww, sweet. Look at these two. How come I never get any of that?" "Buy me a drink first." "Such hard work." "But worth it." --Captain Jack and the Doctor, _Doctor Who: Boomtown_ "And don't let anybody make you think that God chose America as his divine, messianic force to be, a sort of policeman for the whole world. God has a way of standing before the nations with judgment. And it seems that I can hear God saying to America, 'you're too arrogant'. And if you don't change your ways, I will rise up and break the backbone of your power and place it in the hands of a nation that doesn't even know my name. Be still, and know that I'm God." --Martin Luther King, Jr. "Stop yiffing the Steve Jobs plushie." --Eli "MOO nerds need cyber too you know." --Daniel Peterkin "The plural of anecdote is not data. Your individual experience does not indicate that this study is flawed." --Sean of Slashdot "It is a well known psychologic fact that the people who become offended the easiest, have the lowest self-esteem. They are 'hurt' by those things that are conceived of as threats to their ego." --Maxwell Maltz "Pat Robertson is a punishment from God." --Nancy Leibowitz "Alien Skin: Making design-incompetent, warezed Photoshop users think they have skillz since 1994." --the.Silicon.Dragon "I would never condescend to worship, or even acknowledge, a god who doesn't understand the basics of land speculation." --Pegritz "It's the BBC Relationship Conspiracy: You're dating the Doctor and I'm dating Lister." --Rhianna "Of course magick works: I scream in panic and the universe does what I want because it's sick of hearing me." --Lyssa "This hand.. is a fightin' hand!" --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: The Christmas Invasion_ "If only the bad guys had the tools then the good guys would be left guessing on how this stuff works." --Marcus Sachs, on Metasploit "Hey, Eris? You can't step up to a plastic tube." --The Doctor, to one of his bettas during a partial water change "So what exactly is the energy he's putting into that drink going to do?" "Probably nothing. At most it'll give you a second heart." --Hummingwolf and Jarin "What does the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God." --Micah 6:8 "I'm not 'uncomfortable' with the way Jesus is being tossed around -- I'm angry about it. I'd go well beyond discomfort. I think the religious right is making Jesus into some kind of Old Testament wrathful prophet who is judgmental, divisive, and opposed to any notion of liberalism, whereas the teachings of Jesus tell quite a different story. He was tolerant. He was forgiving. He preached love, not hate. In many ways, the literal reading of the teachings of Jesus in the gospels, particularly not filtered through the later apostles in the New Testament, but the literal teachings of Jesus as portrayed in the gospels, are almost totally at odds with the teachings of the present-day religious right." --Gary Hart, former US Senator "Jesus Christ, it's all depressing roller rink songs on 80's night!" "I'm half-tempted to put on my Sisters of Mercy video collection just to cheer things up a little bit around here." --Lyssa and the Doctor, on the depressing 80's music on Music Choice, New Year's Day "I'm feelin' kinda fragile.." --Most everyone at my New Year's 2006 party the next morning "Bryce? Are you going to puke because I said some guy looked like he was covered in a chick's beaver?" "..yep." "You wuss." --Lyssa and the Doctor (both falling-down drunk) "So how does it feel to be violated by a water wang?" --Jarin "To quote a well-known gunman, I'll be in my bunk." --Half of my New Year's 2006 party after watching Lauren dance "Hon, you can't match that. It's a woman-bond thing." "Well please include me in that as much as you can." --Lyssa and Grant "I look like I should be on a goddamn shadowrun with this rig. All I need's a couple of guns and a sword. Or my crowbar." --Kyrin, in a kilt with his laptop "A man can live until Judgement Day on packaged food if he's got enough rosemary." --Shepherd Book, _Firefly_ "Duo's figurative wang is much bigger than mine." --Kyrin "Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a little plastic rocket." --Mal Renolds, _Serenity_ "Humanity should not be deprived of their freedom to communicate just because of how a very small number of people might abuse that freedom." --Freenet FAQ at http://freenet.sf.net/ "My Amazon suggestion list looks crazy after I buy stuff from your wishlist, Bryce." --Lyssa "To quote Jayne, I'll be in my bunk." --Kyrin "Lock and load. We're going in." --Jesus, _South Park Christmas Special 2005_ "Dude, we're a phone company - we can make a line ring in two different places." --T- "We'll do it at a time that maximises the chance of craft error." --J-J- "Software development is like juggling stars in the sky. Everything has so many tradeoffs." --Silicon Rose "You say toMAto, I say toMAHto. You say C'thul'hu, I say calamari." --Kyrin "I always figured you, Bryce, for the Tom Baker-Doctor. Watching you try to navigate just confirms that." "Bryce can navigate?" "There is power in names, unfortunately..." --Kyrin and Lyssa "I am doing what you expect me to do, and at the same time, safeguarding the civil liberties of the country." --George W. Bush, on the secret monitoring of private US citizens by the National Security Agency, 20 December 2005 "I AM THE KING IN YELLOW. But only pale yellows." --Pegritz "Oh, God. Oh, no, please, don't drink that. I'll give you a dollar. Just don't drink that. Go buy yourself a cup of coffee." --J-M-, upon beholding a French press full of melange Clarke's Conclusion: Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing. "It is time to have some checks and balances in this country. We are more American for doing that." --Senator Patrick Leahy, on the USA PATRIOT Act "You are defined by your most vocal fruitcakes, always remember that, no matter what group you're in." --Lyssa Heartsong "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." --Soren Kierkegaard "My children, you should know something: I'm packing." --Jesus, _South Park Christmas Special 2005_ "You're complaining about security, and yet you don't have SSH installed, we have to telnet in as 'root', and you gave us the root password. Sorry, bro, but you get no sympathy from me." --The Doctor "A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity." --Robert A. Heinlein "The conservative viewpoint has traditionally been, 'The minority viewpoints should shut the hell up,' which is bad. But the liberal viewpoint has always been, 'The majority viewpoint should shut the hell up'.. And it's not much better." --The Ferrett "Regardless thanks for the catch, feel free to flame me, call me a douchebag, throw insults my way, curse my mother in mandarin (bonus points for farsi), or what ever else you see fit." --Andre Ludwig "[U]nconstitutional behavior by the authorities is constrained only by the peoples' willingness to contest them." --John Perry Barlow "Semper monemus sed non audiunt, ergo LARTus." ("We always warn them, but they never listen, so we LART them.") "I wish sometimes that I had another medium than words, those pale and empty sounds and symbols. I would like to tell a tale in acid, in poison, in vitriol, in fire and brimstone, a tale that would scar and singe and scorch and curl up the pages as you read them." --Douglas Reed "The Java hyper-enthusiasts have left the building." --J-J- "Lauren is the deity of butt-waggle." --Duo "I don't care how desperate an elf might be, no elf is going to catch for a dwarf!" --Kyrin, on _Lord of the Rings_ slashfic "Feed the twins quickly. The life you say may be your own." --Hasufin "There can be no redemption... and there should be no mercy." --Los Angeles District Attorney's office, on Stanley Williams "There's a full box of ammo, two shinai, a Sun system full of hacking software, and three elves in my car. Goddamn, this is a fucking Shadowrun game." --The Wrong Hands (badly paraphrased by Kyrin) "Who cares what word made it into an American dictionary - we speak English." --Mark, on 'podcast' being added to the New Oxford American Dictionary (Mark is from Australia) "What did you and Loan do last night?" "It involved Newtonian mechanics, fluid dynamics, and cellular respiration. It was an act that is one of the principle characteristics which describes life. And when it was finished, we both felt extremely satisfied and very sleepy. Put simply... we ate dinner." --Seele and the.Silicon.Dragon True megalomaniacs don't kill their duped or annoying assistants before the final battle just in case something goes wrong, and an extra set of hands or piece of living body armour is required. You never know. "I take whatever J- says with a grain of WTF." --Lowmagnet "Why yes, I do speak fluent Navajo." --The Doctor, on configuring telephony switches "The password is blah-blah-blah, blah, blah, blah-blah. Because '12345' belongs on luggage." --The Doctor (as if I'm going to put a password in a .plan file!) "You've got a Charlie Brown Christmas tree." --Lyssa "I don't know about powerful, but it sure is flashy." --Reno, _Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children_ "Now, the ol' trial-n'-error method can be useful--and sometimes fun--but... when you're trying to build precise atomic constructions like mosified fullerenes to encapsulate individual bioreactive molecules for distribution to cancer cells, that trial-n'-error approach ain't gonna get yo ass nowhere." --Pegritz, on non-nanotech chemical synthesis research "The moral of the story is, if you don't know what it does, don't fuck with it. Mmmm'kay?" --J-J- "No adult has time for aesthetic 'difficulty' or 'self-consciousness.' Life is too short. Frankly, we'd much rather be watching _The Incredibles_." --Tom Shone, on _Watchmen_ "This is a different kind of enemy. This is a different kind of war. And in that war, we use all manner of national power to fight that enemy." --Sean McCormack, spokesman for Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, when asked straight out about the secret prisons in Eastern Europe "You can always turn the television off and, of course, block the channels you don't want, but why should you have to?" --Kevin Martin, chairman, Federal Communications Commission "The current working directory is in the path. Madness." --The Doctor "I'll show you how to monitor $PRODUCT most effectively. Tea leaves.. distance viewing.. whatever works for you." --Anonymous vendor's trainer "Why would we care about customers' phones?" --Anonymous Covad sysadmin "Hello, Mr. Java Exception! Funny seeing you here as Catalina pukes all over itself.." --The Doctor "That's a polite way of saying 'crappy'." --Anonymous vendor's sales rep "Anybody with /that/ intimate an interest in the tenderer portions of my anatomy isn't alien enough for my taste, thank you!" --Terrence McKenna "So how are you going to put that desk back together?" "Don't tell me you've got a sonic screwdriver in that belt of yours." "Big deal. When you get a real, working sonic screwdriver, then we'll talk." --Kyrin and the Doctor, moving office furniture "5.6k?! How do they manage that??" "It's all about magic smoke inside and shit." --Anonymous telecom engineers discussing G.723 "So, let's move right along to the 'calling tech support' module..." --Anonymous Covad engineer "On the east coast, DDR is a way of life." --The Doctor "You guys are professional telco engineers and you can't dial a ten digit number?! I don't know..." --Anonymous instructor "It's like, 'blah blah blahblablahblah blah." No. Hoc-key. Puck." --J-J- "Most people, I think, don't even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?" --Thomas Hesse, president, Sony BMG Global Digital Business "Oh, Jesus. One house. Four kinky magickians. I hope they're insured." --Lyssa "I still call myself Catholic, one of many reasons, because I take comfort in ritual. Doctrine can kiss my sodomite ass half the time." --The Lost Boys "Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul." --Mark Twain "As the Government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Musselmen; and as the said States never have entered into any war or act of hostility against any Mehomitan nation, it is declared by the parties that no pretext arising from religious opinions shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries." --The Treaty of Tripoli "If Mercury is in retrograde, Coyote must be sober. And Coyote sober is bad." --Solo "Traveler, if there is no path to your goal, make your own path, step by step." --Oracle, _Sparakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea_ "In a beautifully architected building, nothing prevents people from saying stupid things within its hallways." --J- "The Revolution will not support high-definition televisions." --Lowmagnet "You have this habit of looming over my shoulder to read my screen! I hate that! One of these days I'm going to forget and hit you!" "I'm a sysadmin - it's what I do. It's how I look to see if anyone's surfing for porn." "That's horrible! That's like looking at my panties!" "I do that, too." --Lyssa and the Doctor, on his habit of looking at other people's screens "When they took the 4th Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs. When they took the 6th Amendment, I was quiet because I am innocent. When they took the 2nd Amendment, I was quiet because I don't own a gun. Now they have taken the 1st Amendment, and I can only be quiet." --Myhr Lyle "So, how's life treating you?" "Like Timmy [from South Park] in a mosh pit." --F- and The Doctor "I can recall with pain when crude oil was at $10 a barrel and consumers were very happy because gasoline was at less than $1 a gallon." --Lee R. Raymond, CEO and Chairman of Exxon "When I feed the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. " --Dom Helder Camara, Archbishop of Recife, Brazil "Realistically, avian influenza is not a threat to people, but everywhere you go, it has turned into a circus." --Dr. Gary Butcher, Ph.D, specialist in avian virology "It tried to simulate reality and succeeded, which resulted in a show that begged the indulgence of viewers and asked them to think rationally and intelligently about things that transcend television. That's risky business for TV any time, and especially primetime." --Barry Garron, on the presidential debate episode of _The West Wing_ "I got fed up with the configurability of Enlightenment. I didn't want to learn Enochian just to write a theme." --The Doctor, on why he stopped using Enlightenment as his window manager "Humor is a survival mechanism of the human race. We simply do not have the mental facilities to cope with such massive tragedies. Thus we joke about them to lessen the blow and cope with them." --the.Silicon.Dragon "These functions don't give you super special powers. It's like programming to the external APIs, but now with more suck." --Anonymous kernel developer "Only asshats Bogart life." --Coyote "I have a present for you! Here's a hint: It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster!" --Stewie, _Family Guy_ "I'm not interested in your money! I'm searching for a way to understand our world!" --Max Cohen, _pi_ That which does not kill me will be dead when I'm through with it. "Philosophy will clip an angel's wings." --John Keats "Hash functions are the workhorse of cryptography; they're sprinkled all over security protocols. They're used all the time, in all sorts of weird ways, for all sorts of weird purposes. We cryptographers think of them as good hygiene, kind of like condoms." --Bruce Schneier "Wait, FreeBSD is still under development? I thought that project became rebranded as 'Mac OS X'." --the.Silicon.Dragon "The state of Alaska has been waiting a long time to let the United States of America, which they're part of, share in their abundance of oil." --Pete Domenici, senator of New Mexico "When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves." --Confucius "corned beef hash == human cat food (wet)" --Lyssa "[Betta gill] flaring is the fishie equivelent of shouting 'KHAAAAANNNN!!!!!!!'" --Allison "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." --Charles M. Schultz "Are you drinking office coffee?" "Yeah, I am. What's wrong with it?" "You're drinking office coffee! No wonder you're so fucking pale. It makes you sick, man." --J- and The Doctor "If you piss off enough people to where a form letter is necessary, that's a pretty good hint you may need to reevaluate some of your ideas." --Quinctia "Remember kids, its all fun and games until somebody gets sued into a smoking hole." --Steve "Anytime you hear a story from both an executive and an engineer, the engineering version will be closer to reality, for the engineer is not paid to say nice things like that." --Jim Brain "I can feel the pimp flowing through me...." --A- "If your faith can be challenged by a child in a Batman costume who is standing at your door asking for candy, you are, indeed, a sick and twisted individual and you have no Faith." --Wicasta Lovelace "The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise." --Miguel de Cervantes "Quack! Quack, damn you!" --Jamie Hyneman, _Mythbusters_ "The first time I ran into you, I was at a truck stop practising Elvish t'ai chi." "....what?!" --Jarin and Rialian, Samhain 2005 "Fuck this organic crap. Give me all the chemicals you have." --Lyssa Bettas are little fish with big, pretty fins that think they're bull sharks. "Nobody consulted me on this Universe thing. I didn't get the memo. Therefore, I could not file a TPS report." --Lyssa "It is often easier to not do something dumb than it is to do something smart." --Marcus Ranum "Nobody was ever or talks to the serf who got 86'ed for poaching a rabbit or Hitler." --Suebrd, on New Age reincarnation "Empowerment comes from being marketed to." --Lara "We're not fucking turning undead here, people, holding up the holy symbol and shouting, 'The power of Christ compels you to keep pounding me up the ass!'" --Ferrett, on the AD&D Sex net.book "Those M&Ms are $2.99? They were in the $1.89 rack. I don't want 'em." --Random lady at CVS wearing Armani "Using a package manager that resolves dependencies for you with Slackware is like singing 'Kumbaya' at a meeting of the American Atheists." --Joe Barr, reviewing Slackware Linux v10.2 "I hope nobody is logging. If Microsoft got a hold of this, it'd be a marketing campaign in no time." --the.Silicon.Dragon "What kind of deal with the devil do you have to sign to NOT have Gator marked as spyware?!" --Dave Bush, on Microsoft's anti-spyware utility (which has most of the worst offenders marked to 'ignore') "Seeya, Kyrin!" "Hail, Satan!" --Jarin (to the Toxic Elf) "We must remember the First Amendment, which protects any shrill jackass, no matter how self-seeking." --F.G. Withington "It was always giving me trouble. I remember shortly after I got it, it would not read 'Strange Haircuts, Cardboard Guitars, and Computer Samples'. For this I cursed it." --the.Silicon.Dragon, on a failed DVD-ROM drive in his laptop "Junior network administrator in charge of printing, hi-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" --T- "Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, or what's a heaven for?" --Robert Browning, _Andrea del Sarto_ "No, 'eureka' is Greek for 'This bath is too hot.'" --My namesake "It'll take some real magic to fix that." "Are we talking bell and book and candle or graveyard soil and glue and goetia here?" --J- and the Doctor, on a particularly flaky piece of software "Ask Superman for help." --Advice seen on the pen-test mailing list "Umm... was he speaking Tuatha?" --Duo "I've been unable to crack this AP!" "Shit happens." --from the documentation for Aircrack "A lot of vanilla people just use Halloween as an excuse to dress like us." --Erzulie "Robin, we wanted this. We wanted to be special and important and cool and look! Here we are. So what can we do but lie in the beds we made." --King Mob, _The Invisibles_ Being of another species does not automatically make you better than anyone else. It also does not prevent you from being an asshole. Science may someday discover what faith has always known. "The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also." --Mark Twain "Stop wasting your time wrapping more band-aids around flaws! Start attacking the real problem and solve that! Stop buying into the security buzz spun by security vendors promising the all-curing pixie dust, and understand and correct the core root causes of the problem yourself!" --Frank Knobbe "While IDS is 'dead', IPS is a eunuch." --Byte Jump, on the IDS-vs-IPS dead horse flogging "Get your fat API out of the way and let me at the iron!" --John Carmack "You have rights to it! Go forth.. make shit happen." --T- "God hates me! He took away my gin! He makes me sleepy! I'm going to get naked..." --Lyssa "Why did you leave your last job?" "Excuse me?" "Quick, answer the question!" "Well..." "Don't tell me. Tell the plant." --Austin James and Michelle Castle, _Probe_ "The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe in blood for centuries." --James Madison "I'm going to give it four flaming Rassilon warrior robots out of five." "Wait a minute! We don't have a sound effect for that!" --Ken and James of Doctor Who: Podshock, reviewing _The Terror of Fang Rock_ "Briefly, there is a difference between 'thinking outside the box' and 'talking out the ass'." --Moraelin "I don't know the secret to success, but the secret to failure is trying to please everybody." --Bill Cosby "If A equals success, then the formula is A=X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is 'keep your mouth shut'." --Albert Einstein "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture." --Frank Zappa "Magic is the domain of the misfit." --Nagasiva Yronwode "Remember: It ain't juarez when the author says it's okay." --Digital Avatar "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." --Abraham Lincoln Don't believe your own marketing screed. Man cannot live by chiptunes alone. Just because you throw a few Egyptian/Celtic/Mesoamerican symbols into a ritual does NOT mean that you can claim that the ritual itself comes from that time period and people. "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." --Aristotle "We're like the Lay's Potato Chips of commentary!" --Michael Hickerson "There's a romantic part of me that kind of misses the Indiana Jones school of finding the OTO." --Keith418 "Trust me." --Vice-President Dick Cheney "Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." --Pat Robertson, 1992 GOP Convention "Naked people are their own reward." --Penn Jillette "You don't want to be a goth.... You'll be in the basement telling your friends that your parents don't understand you, and they'll say, 'Speaking of your parents, can I have your father's autograph?'" --Neil Gaiman "Reality is an illusion albeit a persistant one." --Albert Einstein "The easiest way to gain control of the population is to carry out acts of terror. The public will clamor for such laws if the personal security is threatened." --Josef Stalin "You should work until the day you die." --Aaron C. Donahue "We are living in dangerously weird times now. Smart people just shrug and admit they're dazed and confused. The only ones left with any confidence at all are the New Dumb. It is the beginning of the end of our world as we knew it. Doom is the operative ethic." --Hunter S. Thompson "Forced worship stinks in God's nostrils." --Roger Williams, banished from Massachusetts by the Puritans in 1670 because he denied the clergy authority over his conscience "Intellect annuls Fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free." --Ralph Waldo Emerson "Nothing is more deadly than a person who is too enraged for expletives - who cleanly and quietly picks up a gun and starts shooting." --Frans de Waal, professor of primate behaviour, Emory University "I must admit, if the Struts project is consistent on anything, it's consistent on failing silently. I guess it helps to always assume there's a subtle fuck-up somewhere instead of having to wonder." --the.Silicon.Dragon "Stupidity and greed are fairly predictable for a period of time." --John Titor "That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history." --Aldous Huxley "Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world." --Schopenhauer "I'm asking you to be lenient as possible. Consider not only the verdict but also the positive things I've done in my life." --Dennis Kozlowski, former executive of Tyco, who got 8.5-25 years in prison on 2005/09/19 for looting the company of $600 million "I never thought I'd be in this position. I hold myself to a high standard of integrity and honesty." --Mark Swartz, former executive of Tyco, who got 8.5-25 years in prison on 2005/09/19 for looting the company of $600 million "I warped reality to bring me bacon. THAT is power." --Lyssa I went to a VNV Nation concert once. Great song. "Lucre [money] is the false Quintessence [fifth alchemical element] of this illusory world that we live in. It can be converted into anything and anything can be converted into it." --Anonymous "I have balls like atom bombs, two of them, 100 megatons each. Nobody fucks with me." --Bikram Choudhury "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK!" --Dane McGowan, _The Invisibles_ "This would be a public health benefit, even though the exposed children may experience an adverse effect." --Dr. Alan Lockwood, on the EPA's new guidelines on human testing that make it open season on children "When we do something, please don't take it personally. We like you. Your contributions to Microsoft have been immense. It's not you we are after, it is Google." --Steve Ballmer to Dr. Kai-Fu Lee (allegedly) "Why don't you finish the job and make the Daleks extinct? Rid the universe of your filth! Why don't you just die?!!" "YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD DALEK." --The Doctor and the Last Dalek, _Doctor Who: Dalek_ "One owes respect to the living. To the dead, one owes only truth." --Voltaire "It's better to risk all then do nothing." --Genesis P-Orridge "Fixed an integer overflow that prevented Nmap from scanning 2,147,483,648 hosts in one expression (e.g. 0.0.0.0/1). Problem noted by Justin Cranford (jcranford(a)n-able.com). While /1 scans are now possible, don't expect them to finish during your bathroom break. No matter how constipated you are." --Fyodor, in the CHANGELOG file for Nmap v3.93 "You cannot allow the stupid masses to vote for someone representing their level of their stupidity. 'cause what happens is you get someone like Bush in the White House." --Aaron C. Donahue "Chutzpah records are broken here at dazzling speed." --B. Mikhail, on the handover of the Gaza Strip to Palestine "I believe that the human being, and fish, can coexist peacefully." --George W. Bush The only thing two-income households have accomplished is increasing the cost of life's necessities. "So exactly what function do the nipple diodes serve?" --Kash "win32 OBJECT IDENTIFIER ::= { netSnmpAgentOIDs 13 } -- unlucky" --from net-snmp's NET-SNMP-TC.txt MIB file "Have you ever thought of seeing a specialist about that needlessly self-important and messianic tone?" --The Doctor to Romana, _Heart of TARDIS_ "After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box." --Italian proverb "I may be crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong." --Robert Anton Wilson "What?! How did you get to see your chem teacher's ass?" --Pegritz "'s all right. Come on out. That force field can hold back anything." "Almost anything." "Yes, but I wasn't going to tell them that. Thanks." "Sorry." --The Doctor and Captain Jack, _Doctor Who: Bad Wolf_ "I think it is a mistake to think that the existing order of things in our world is not based on magickal principles already." --Four Crows Nailed to a Wooden Post "All these years I thought FEMA was some ultra-efficient agency that was authorized to take over the functions of government in the event of a catastrophe. Now we find out they're about as sharp as a bag of wet mice." --Theta Wave "Habit breeds inattention, inattention is the first step to somnambulance. The Herd wants us sleep-walking so as to conform to its norms and support its ideals. The mage deprograms the hypnotic mechanisms around hir through whatever means available and rises in intentionality (thus freeing volition for true action)." --Nagasiva Yronwode "My introduction to espresso was a drink called a Death Star, served in a mug about this size." "Geez. Brasil thanks you. You've done a lot for their trade deficit. You, personally." --The Doctor and Anonymous, on his daily coffee intake "Behold, the global telecommunications network: Letting people be assholes at the speed of light." --Hasufin "Better to be reamed in the behind than reamed in the mind." --Steve Wasserman "One must be free to search for the Truth on their own, but to NOT search for Truth is not only a crime against one's self, but also to those who come after them." --Secundus Kerub "Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished." --Goethe "I dont' care if you're Jewish. Doesn't make me think less of you. I thought less of you for who are you in the first place. :)" --Vlad It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness. "If a man loses his reverence for any part of life, he will lose his reverence for all of life." --Albert Schweitzer "I think before we start worrying about IPS systems [sic] blocking arkane [sic], rare, and even zero day attacks... they need to start by blocking attacks that have been out since 1999!" --Mike Poor "Michael's right, it was probably wang." --Eli "Marcus, this is the kind of conversation that can only end in a gunshot." --Dr. Stephen Franklin, _Babylon-5_ "Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind." --Albert Einstein "Seen on the back of a car: An advertisement for All American Karate. Which would be a strange thing, since most of the martial arts are distinctly not American, and mixing them into his karate style would create an Asian-American mix. And then it couldn't be All American, since that would be false advertising. "It took me awhile to figure out that All American Karate, using only techniques developed and refined in America, would have to consist of a handgun and a lawyer." --The Ferrett Never fdisk after midnight. "We really were riding a new wave of the future, the whole computer thing was just coming together." "That's what we said back then. We always said we were the big new thing." "Yeah, but I thought we were lying." --Rudy Rucker and R.U. Sirius, reminiscing on cyberpunk Democracy is open to everyone but less than 5% of the population can actually afford getting listed on the ballot. Muffett's Fifth Law: Just because something has angle-brackets around it doesn't automatically make it better. "However, as crazy as your contry is, I have found something that makes up for it all.. your Pepsi has sugar in it. Actual sugar. I've already filed the appropriate immigration papers." --Greg Dean, on Canada "I like people doing stuff with my sperm, right off the bat. No matter what it is." --R.U. Sirius "If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their money, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the people of all property until their children wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered." --Thomas Jefferson "If, you find that you're displeased in any way with the service provided by the Internet Storm Center, we will cheerfully refund double the amount of money that you pay us... you stupid little jackass." --Tom Liston, ISC Handler "Today I stumbled across the world's largest hotspot. The SSID is 'linksys'." --Joshua Wright "Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian." -- Robert Orben "THINK ONCE, THINK TWICE, THINK 'DON'T PUKE IN THE DATACENTER.'" --Infornography (sage advice, if you've ever been to a NOC Christmas party) "People disagree with me. I just ignore them." --Linus Torvalds "There IS no later." --Sista Sunmoon "BASIC is the computer science equivelent of 'Scientific Creationism'." --Anonymous "Never believe anything until it has been officially denied." --Otto von Bismarck "I've finally turned into that weird guy at the end of the block with hundreds of cats and more electronic equipment than the Pentagon." --Pegritz "The only way to explore the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible." --Clarke's Second Law "Fear created gods." --John Dewey "I'm going to take you on the greatest adventure of your life. You probably'll never even thank me. Let's go." --Austin James, _Probe_ "Without change, something sleeps inside us, and seldom awakens. The sleeper must awaken." --Frank Herbert "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." --Scot Thomas, _The Dilbert Principle_ "I tell you, all this therapy I'm going through is making me SENSITIVE, GODDAMMIT!" --T- "Crisis rhetoric is the first sign that there is no crisis." --Lowmagnet "Right now, the solution to copy-protection appears simple: Buy a Mac." --Tony Smith, on copy-protected audio CDs "By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death." --Titus Lucretius Carus "My lust for software updates is rivaled only by my lust for Kimmie. And all her female admiring bi-ness." --the.Silicon.Dragon "This is great! I'm so wired I'm picking up cable TV!" --Hasufin "rwstat returns success for commands if it successfully communicates the command to the specified host. Whether the host actually does what is requested is not reported." --From the manpages for Rainfinity's Rainwall "In every country and in every age, the priest has been hostile to liberty. He is always in alliance with the despot, abetting his abuses in return for protection to his own." --Thomas Jefferson, letter to Horatio G. Spafford, March 17, 1814 "He was in a constant screen refresh." --R.U. Sirius on Timothy Leary "I worship a god with an elephant's head!" --King Mob, _The Invisibles_ "You're not a pain slut. You. Don't. Know." --Lyssa, to Pegritz "I am indeed a great alchemist! I have converted money into these books!" --Anonymous, on buying a huge stack of books at NOTOCON 5 "I'm a creationist; I refuse to believe that I could have evolved from man." --Anonymous "Turn on, tune in, and take over." --Tim Leary "I spoke in English, and this was translated to German. Then the German was translated back to English, and then translated again into the Slashdot story." --Jimmy Wales, one of the founders of Wikipedia "Don't hate the media.. become the media." --Jello Biafra "I'm not smart enough to figure out how this structure could evolve, therefore there must have been a designer." --Rand Simberg, sarcastically defining intelligent design "One cannot change, after all, if one does not know/have the opportunity for a rectal craniotomy." --Lyssa "I don't like living in Orwell's 1984; but I do. And, absent the next extinction event or civil libertarians taking charge of the government (the former being more likely than the latter), the best we can do is try to keep (Uncle) Sam and the sub-Sams on a short leash." --James C. Nelson, Justice of the Supreme Court of Montana "You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?" --Rockhound, _Armageddon_ "If it's not loud, it doesn't work!" --Blank Reg "How do you know it's ignorance inspired until you read it? What is this, quantum linguistics?" --the.Silicon.Dragon "Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window." --Steve Wozniak "You may not get the same 'rush' from discovering a vulnerable version of BIND during an ISS session as you would from hand-crafting some C to overflow their custom-made httpd and launch some terrible fate upon their entire infrastructure and eventually free mankind from a bizarre machine-ruled world known as 'The Matrix', but it's still important nonetheless." --AdamT, on running canned exploits during a pen-test as well as writing your own attacks "Asking a systems adminstrator to certify that he has not installed any time bombs on a system is unreasonable, as Microsoft has stated in court that IE is a key component of the MS operating system." --Spyteknow "Putting a mail server on the Internet without filtering is like covering yourself with barbecue sauce and breaking into the Charity Home for Badgers with Rabies." --Michael Lucas "You're crazy!" "Been there. Done that. Got the hat and scarf." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Unregenerate_ "My goal is to get to Beijing before Starbuck's does. I just want to beat that damn coffee cup." --Henry Rollins "The amount of irony in the universe is a constant." --Liston's third Law "Your wish is my command. But be careful what you wish for." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Father's Day_ "If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we don't believe in it at all." --Noam Chomsky "If the success or failure of this planet, and of human beings, depended on how I am and what I do; how would I be? What would I do?" --Buckminster Fuller "Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names." --John F. Kennedy "There's nothing quite like French Roast steeped more times than should be allowed by law. It's liquid consciousness." --the.Silicon.Dragon "This guy's account's fucked and I don't know why." --Hasufin "There are always errors in real data." --The AWK Programming Language "Muscle spasms at the base of my hand." "You need some ademantium. Then those muscle spasms could inflict DEATH!" --the.Silicon.Dragon and Genetik "When life hands you lemons, ask for Tequila and salt." --Alton Brown "Excusing bad programming is a shooting offence, no matter _what_ the circumstances." --Linus Tovalds "Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have orgasms? The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which is why they don't mind living in pools of warm slime." --Dave Barry, _Sex and the Single Amoeba: What Every Teen Should Know_ "To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." --Theodore Roosevelt "A lot of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." --Obi Wan Kenobi "I love the smell of voided warranties in the morning." --The Doctor "Only in a police state is the job of a policeman easy." --Orson Welles "I will never apologize for the United States of America - I don't care what the facts are." --George H. W. Bush, Newsweek, 15 August 1989 "Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." --Ronald Reagan, 1981 "Images which contain bogus ICC (International Color Consortium -- which actually sounds like a bunch of interior decorators that meet down at their local Starbuck's) profile format tags can cause the Color Management Module to overflow a buffer in a way that could result in execution of code, giving full control to an attacker." --From the Internet Storm Center writeup of the MS05-036 vulnerability "I guess I've been wrong all my life, but so have billions of other people... Certainty is just an emotion." -- Hal Clement "That's in keeping with our Zen-like mission statement." --Seaweb "Is that a miscellany bag?" "It is now." "I have miscellany! I have miscellany out the yin-yang!" --Lyssa and The Doctor "I'm polite to my customers; I'm not paid enough to be polite to my co-workers." --Hasufin "Burroughs was interrogating the universe with scissors and a paste pot, and the least imitative of authors was no plagiarist at all." --William Gibson, on William S. Burroughs and the cut-up technique "I love having a button there! 'Reverse'!" --Kash "It's a beautiful day for the end of the world." --Slade, _Teen Titans_ "It has long been an article of our folklore that too much knowledge or skill, or especially consummate expertise, is a bad thing. It dehumanizes those who achieve it, and makes difficult their commerce with just plain folks, in whom good old common sense has not been obliterated by mere book learning or fancy notions. This popular delusion flourishes now more than ever, for we are all infected with it in the schools, where educationists have elevated it from folklore to Article of Belief. It enhances their self-esteem and lightens their labors by providing theoretical justification for deciding that appreciation, or even simple awareness, is more to be prized than knowledge, and relating (to self and others), more than skill, in which minimum competence will be quite enough." --The Underground Grammarian "Yes, even in the wilderness, there is heavy cream." --Alton Brown "In this business, a talentless whore who gets fucked in grainy night vision is more valuable to the networks than a talented actress who has spent years studying and honing her craft." --Wil Wheaton, on Hollywood "I should be doing what I did with 'Backlash': Creating weird new parts everyday and trying them out until I have some things that aren't within my usual easy-access comfort zone but still work well with the song. But that's a lot of work. Xbox always looks like so much more fun. In other news, I've started smoking, tried ecstasy for the first time, had a 3-way with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, and gave up pizza because of the poor treatment of tomatoes on tomato farms." --Mark Nicholas, while working on a new song "To silence criticism is to silence freedom." --Dr. Joseph Mengele "Hey, they sell pocket protectors for that." "Nevermind." --Unknown and The Doctor "You look like you just blew a smurf." --Rhianna "We could be the Manhattan Project of drugs!" --Mark "I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC." --Kif, _Futurama_ "An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it." --James Michener, _Space_ "What's your policy on hooking up laptops to your LAN?" "You're going to have to run antivirus software. What do you have?" "Slackware Linux v10.0." "...enjoy your stay." --The Doctor and T- "I am not going to give you a number for it because... it's not my business to do intelligent work." --Donald Rumseld "Coffee doesn't brew fast enough." --Doug "Is there really more mental illness in the U.S., or is it that the definition of illness has expanded to include everything outside of docile complacency?" --Chris Case "The most common characteristic of all police states is intimidation by surveillance. Citizens know they are being watched and overheard. Their mail is being examined. Their homes can be invaded." --Joseph Sobran (sound familiar, anyone?) "A god ignored is a demon born." --Peter Carroll "That's the military: Printing spiffy photos is not their mission." --Puff "Took drugs, saw God. BFD." --Harlan Ellison "Clearly, this is not an exact or a literal analogy, and the secretary general has acknowledged that." --William Schulz, director of Amnesty International, on Guantanamo Bay "I am so beastly tired of mankind and the world that nothing can interest me unless it contains a couple of murders on each page or deals with the horrors unnameable and unaccountable that leer down from the external universes." --Howard Philips Lovecraft "I must have the China White version of catnip here, because even when the plants were sealed up under a heavy wood door the crackheads were rolling and purring on the door!" --Pegritz, on his unusually potent catnip "What did I do to deserve this??? I had to have killed God in a past life to deserve this." --Rialian, on watching _FLCL_ "Physical access always trumps all other forms of security." --Matt Gibson "All technology companies that aren't Apple make crap until Apple really raises the bar and forces them to make less crappy crap." --the.Silicon.Dragon, on AOpen's Mac Mini clone "The point I'm trying to make here is that XML is no magic bullet and there are plenty of ways to turn it into a big, sloppy group hug." --the.Silicon.Dragon "Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound." --Peanuts "The last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hypervodkas for my breakfast. A little bit of a blur after that. Woke up in bed with both my executioners. Lovely couple. They stayed in touch. Can't say that about most executioners." --Captain Jack, _Doctor Who: The Doctor Dances_ "Ceiling tiles are getting way too interesting." --Lyssa "Get up, humans! Get out of bed, before I start dramatic recitations of Cruxshadows lyrics." --John "I am very, very angry with you! I am very, very cross! Go. To. Your. Room!" "I'm really glad that worked, those would have been terrible last words." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: The Doctor Dances_ "We were doing drugs in the dressing room [at a concert in the early '80s]. Suddenly the tour manager stuck his head around the door and said, 'The police are here!' We all panicked and threw our drugs in the toilet. Then Sting, Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland walked in." --Ron Wood, in Rolling Stone magazine "Dude, you're so drunk, anal sex with a chainsaw would be funny to you." --F- "Let's just spell it out, shall we? This is not a 'massager' people. This is a vibrator." --Sarahnoid, on the Hitachi Magic Wand (vibrator?! It makes males obsolete!) "Tom Cruise: Forest Nymph" --T- Real hackers never die, their TTL just expires. "Perl - $Just @when->$you ${thought} s/yn/tax/ &couldn\'t %get $worse;" --Lowmagnet "What does education often do? It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook." --Henry David Thoreau "Sadly, discussions of high-profile security incidents are much like discussions of wealth and sex: Those who have the most talk the least... and vice-versa." --Jay Dyson A program is a lot like a nose: Sometimes it runs, and sometimes it blows. "It's appalling that this story got out there." --Condoleezza Rice, on Guantanamo Bay "Man, did you come here to correct my grammar? If you did, you're going to be here for a long, long, long time." --D- "Microsoft's shitty security has been a result of a short-sighted lack of emphasis, not capacity. Now that they are making it a priority, I have no doubt that Longhorn will be a relatively secure OS. Whenever it arrives, that is. Meanwhile... fuck it, I'm using OS X." --Anonymous "Dreamweaver: Fucking things up in ways I hadn't even considered." --Lyssa "_Episode III_ is office politics on a Wagnerian scale." --Ty Burr "Too much hope is the opposite of despair." --Vincent, _Final Fantasy 7_ "Gay marriage is not being made illegal. A gay guy can marry a woman." --Rush Limbaugh (Thanks, asshole.) "ASSHOLES!!" --D- "Cry when you must, laugh when you can. Shout. Scream. Run. Fly kites. Live." --Tom O'Bedlam, _The Invisibles_ "There comes a time when silence is betrayal." --Martin Luther King, Jr. "Your product is ready to protect you." --ZoneAlarm installer "The two criticisms we at CIA hear most frequently are, first, that CIA intelligence is inaccurate, and second, that CIA officers are selling CIA intelligence to foreign spy agencies... so what's the problem?" --Covert Comic (http://www.covertcomic.com/) "When I tell the truth, it is not for the sake of convincing those who do not know it, but for the sake of defending those that do." --William Blake "If you cannot find wisdom within, try the Internet." --Anonymous "Facts just aren't that important. Faced with growth in biological knowledge of this magnitude, I have wrestled with how one is to teach modern and useful biology." --Jasper Rine, professor of genetics, UCal Berkeley "If I am to transcend the world the herd lives in and is ruled by, am I supposed to want the herd to admire me? Or am I going to want them to think I'm 'too weird', or 'insane'? Think about it." --E- of Mechanicsburg, in an Amazon review "Whoah, who is that mature, black-clad stud in the ratty old t-shirt and the crumpled black suit jacket and the cockeyed sunglasses a-creepin' toward me like unto a vision of Andrew Eldritch in his dotage?" --Pegritz, reading the minds of his fangirls "Should any political party attempt to abolish social security, unemployment insurance, and eliminate labor laws and farm programs, you would not hear of that party again in our political history. There is a tiny splinter group, of course, that believes you can do these things. Among them are [a] few other Texas oil millionaires, and an occasional politician or business man from other areas. Their number is negligible and they are stupid." --Dwight D. Eisenhower "Anger is what made America what it is in the world today: A hulking pariah whose only friends are toadies and sheiks." --Bill Mahr "If the American people knew what we have done, they would string us up from the lamp posts." --George H.W. Bush "This is not an ABBA song!" --Kurt Harland, on the release of the _Peace and Love, Inc._ single "That's not a porn spam; that's an origin story. Kind of like Batman, except she sucks more dick." --The Ferrett, on porn spam subject lines State alchemists do it in circles. "The mass of mankind has not been born with saddles on their backs, nor a favored few to ride them." --Thomas Jefferson "I'm trying to be PC with them on this, but our bandwidth really fuckin' blows." --D- "We've let being sheep-like become society's highest aspiration." --La Cosa Nostradamus "The old X is the new PG-13, and anal is the new kiss goodnight." --Jeff Schneider "If the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back." --Jim Steinman "I think a little thermonuclear urban renewal is in order." --D- "I think that I avoided becoming a regular on Cinemax's late night boob-a-thons because even when I was a kid, I quickly figured out the difference between the kids (and their parents) who wanted to be Actors, and the ones who wanted to be Movie Stars. I never wanted to be a Movie Star, and the ones who did annoyed the hell out of me." --Wil Wheaton "Never our fault, but always our problem." --Puff "The Constitution of the U.S. forbids everything like an establishment of a national religion." --James Madison, _Detached Memoranda_, 1817 "If our life [sic] was dependent on scotch tape in here, we'd all be dead." --Doug "The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." --Thomas Jefferson, _Notes on Virginia_, 1785. "[Our data] travels faster than the speed of rust!" --Tartan, on our office network connection "What was God doing before the Creation? Preparing Hell for those who ask that question." --Augustine of Hippo, 426 CE "Black churches are too concerned with justice." --Bishop Harry Jackson "Of the three ways in which men think that they acquire knowledge of things: authority, reasoning, and experience; only the last is effective and able to bring peace to the intellect." --Francis Bacon "These are the guys I used to beat up in high school." --Anonymous Monroeville Expo Mart staff member, Tekkoshocon 2005 "Even a paranoid can have enemies." --Henry Kissinger "No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God." --George H.W. Bush "Well fuck me and marry me young." "Thank you, no." --The Doctor and Puff, on getting SSL working "DrWho: passwords.... not angsty teenage screennames" --Genetik, on choosing complex passwords "Those of us who find bugs would really appreciate it if every Microsoft MVP would stop astroturfing these lists about it too." --Dave Aitel "If I compare you to Microsoft and Microsoft is the good example, you know shit ain't right." --Chaobell "I'd rather be sincerely wrong than doubtfully right." --Sunfell "As to Jesus of Nazareth... I think the system of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the World ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissenters in England, some doubts as to his divinity." --Benjamin Franklin "We see 'Justice Sunday' as part of a larger effort to link church and state in ways not seen in America since the Puritans were hanging Quakers on Boston Commons and exiling Baptists to Rhode Island," --Reverend Joe Phelps, pastor, Highland Baptist Church, Louisville, KY "Do you have any vinegar?" "How should I know?" "It's your kitchen!" --The Doctor and Mickey, _Doctor Who: World War III_ "Life's a bitch, wear a cup." --Paris "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it." --Mark Twain "If you encounter something that doesn't fit your worldview, it's more intellectually honest to say, 'maybe there's something wrong with this worldview' than to try to shoehorn your findings into an existing belief." --Dr. John Mack, M.D. "There's more than one way to skin a cat, and there's more than one way to take a black robe off the bench." --Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, on the United States Supreme Court "Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish." --Euripedes "Nobody's going to look for you here, seeing as how you hate me so much." --Micky, to Rose's mother, _Doctor Who: World War III_ "Mozart, Velcro, and Hypercard - not bad for one civilization." --Douglas Adams The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust. "The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, they finish by loading honors on your head." --Jean Cocteau "Now comes the time in InSoc when we dance! Well, not literally.." --Paul Robb, while on stage "We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so little that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing." --Mother Theresa "Once you press that Enter button, you can't control it." --Dan Verton, former intelligence officer, USMC, on net.war "This is not the time for jokes." "You get used to that when you're friends with him." --Harriet and Rose "Our server probably came off the Russian black market! Waaah!" --Doug "You know, if I'm going to sleep in a hot chick's bed and not even get cuddles, I can live with that. But the WWE-style sleepwalker attacks were a little over the top." --The Ferrett "When a Christian starts a sentence with the words 'God hates...', it is the scripture that is sodomized." --Bard of Aven "Success is thy proof: argue not; convert not; talk not overmuch!" --Liber AL vel Legis, chapter III verse 42 "Generally, this (Windows Automatic Update and Service Pack 2) won't be a problem since everyone has 60 gig drives now, but AU really ought to check for free space before rendering my pr0n collection inaccessible for several minutes. Very rude indeed." --TodB "Nine hundred years of time and space and I've never been slapped by someone's mother." --The Doctor, _Doctor Who: Aliens of London_ "Satan's greatest trick is to make us think we're doing the Lord's Work." --Unknown "The strong take from the weak and the smart take from the strong." --Pete Carril "Think. It ain't illegal yet." --George Clinton "Okay, which one of you guys is unifying the universe?" "That'd be me." --B-C- and The Doctor, on a misplaced printout "Bacon Bits are the bong water of bacon." --Lyssa "We have a tendency to train with the idea that, with our luck, we're going to run into the Muay Thai master on PCP." --Lupa, on kagedo "The great epochs of our life come when we gain the courage to rechristen our evil as what is best in us." --Friedrich Nietzsche "I don't mind being called an escapist on a planet that more and more resembles a maximum security prison. The only sane choice is to plan a jailbreak." --Robert A. Wilson "Only Americans would moderate the truth as 'Troll' or 'Flamebait'." --Anonymous, on Slashdot "Who wields power is not important, provided that the hierarchical structure remains always the same." --George Orwell, _1984_ "I guess it's technically Goth As Hell(tm) to have vultures chilling on the roof of your house, but at the same time it's also pretty goddamned creepy. No wonder I've been feeling off of my game lately." --Pegritz "If you have to ask, she's underage. VERY underage in most cases." --Joe Mello "There are many schools of thought regarding what to do when life hands you lemons. Some decide that life is sour, and hence they become bitter. Some make lemonade. And then there are those who, upon receiving lemons, begin their search for salt and tequila." --Hasufin "If through my lies Gods truth abounds to His glory, why am I still being condemned as a sinner?" --Romans 3:7 "If Mr. Edison had thought more about what he was doing, he wouldn't sweat as much." --Nikola Tesla "That is distinctly not awful." --Tartan "If Dell spent half as much on customer service as they do on advertisement, they might actually answer the phone." --Lowmagnet "No signal. We're out of range. Just a bit..." --Rose, _Doctor Who: The End of the World_ "These shirts are bright yellow for a reason. I want my security team to be seen from space! FROM SPACE!" --Spaceman Groove, on the Tekkoshocon 2005 security team t-shirts What women and psychologists call 'dropping your armor', we call 'baring your neck.' "You can't trust ANYTHING shown to you by a computer that you do not trust." --Michael Silk "Money is the lifeblood of politics." --Tom DeLay, Republican Majority Leader "Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities also has the power to make you commit atrocities." --Voltaire "... 'fire' does not matter, 'earth' and 'air' and 'water' do not matter. 'I' do not matter. No word matters. But man forgets reality and remembers words. The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him. He looks upon the great transformations of the world, but he does not see them as they were seen when man looked upon reality for the first time. Their names come to his lips and he smiles as he tastes them, thinking he knows them in the naming." -- Roger Zelazny, _Lord of Light_ "I want you to just let a wave of intolerance wash over you... I want you to let a wave of hatred wash over you. Yes, hate is good... Our goal is a Christian nation. We have a biblical duty, we are called by God, to conquer this country. We don't want equal time. We don't want pluralism." --Randall Terry "Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect." --Hunter S. Thompson "History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." --Abba Eban "There's something disturbing about getting an e-mail from a username 'angelina' with the subject line 'Now I am a new man.'" --Puff "Sleep deprivation really brings out the best in you!" --Tony, _Real Life Comics_ "You don't have to read the Bible to know what it says, and you don't have to understand it." --Rush Limbaugh "It may not always be easy, convenient, or politically correct to stand for truth and right, but it is the right thing to do. Always." --M. Russell Ballard "When truth is discovered by someone else, it loses something of its attractiveness." --Alexander Solzhenitsyn "In the sexual revolution, where does a person apply for Conscientious Objector status?" --Scrat "America's a nation of 200 million used-car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable." --Hunter S. Thompson "We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell." --Oscar Wilde "I swear to god I will be the first person to own an iWang." --Pegritz, on personal area networks "Cash is king." --Donald Trump software industry, the (noun): Unique industry where selling substandard goods is legal and you can charge extra for fixing the problems. "The Constitution was made to guard the people against the dangers of good intentions." --Daniel Webster (1782-1852), US Senator "The courts aren't democratic institutions." --Representative Dan Rungren, (R-California) "Any instrument can make soulful music if it comes from the soul. Doesn't matter if it's a Stradivarius or a synclavier. You can make soulless music with a Stradivarius." --Thomas Dolby, on the use of synthesisers in music "The right to privacy is a right that was created in a law that set forth a (ban on) rights to limit individual passions. And I don't agree with that." --Senator Rick Santorum, on the right to privacy "For art, love and rock 'n' roll, the whole had better equal much more than the sum of its parts, or else you're just rubbing two sticks together in search of a fire." --Bruce Springsteen, on rock and roll "Common sense is dead. Long live the Internet." --Jason Coombs "A CPAP mask is a quite effective form of contraception." --D- "There's nothing sacrosanct about a hotel with a bunch of journalists in it." --Lt. Gen. Bernard E. Trainor, USMC (Retired), The Washington Post, April 9, 2003 "To describe bitter medicine will not improve its flavor." --Charlie Chan "Politics and the fate of mankind are formed by men without ideals and without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in for politics." --Albert Camus "Snuff films do not get Oscars, even if they do star Jesus." --Erin "If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. But if you really make them think, they'll hate you." --Don Marquis "I will show a passport to travel internationally. I'm not willing to show a passport to travel in my own country," --John Gilmore "If Microsoft can afford to sell software that leaves its customers at risk, it can afford to issue hotfixes to remedy the problems that it created... Microsoft customers are paying gourmet prices for Redmond's products and are getting McDonald's quality for security." --Cancer Omega, on cutting people slack "To live outside the law you must be honest." --Bob Dylan "To say this goofy child president (George W. Bush) is looking more and more like Richard Nixon in the summer of 1974 would be a flagrant insult to Nixon." --Hunter S. Thompson "CSI has mythology? And we thought it just had an S&M fetish." --Lisa de Moraes, on Quentin Tarantino directing the season finale "You can't trust good people to do the right thing." --Rush Limbaugh "We cannot expect people to have respect for law and order until we teach respect to those we have entrusted to enforce those laws." --Hunter S. Thompson "You must be able to distinguish between what is true and what is real." --Albert Einstein "Hypocrites need no freakin' evidence." --Anonymous "All great truths begin as blasphemies." --George Bernard Shaw All prophets are mad, but not all madmen are prophets. "Let us not look back in anger, or forward in fear, but around in awareness." --James Thurber "You lost me about five minutes ago." "Aww, fuck it." --B- and D- "We're callin' dead people, now. That's scary." --D- "In four years, you can teach a gorilla sign language. Is it too much to ask that in the same amount of time a kid be taught what those crazy hippies who founded this country had in mind?" --Lyssa Heartsong "Defaults are power." --Benjamin Franz "In addition to Satanists, they'll be training for dealing with Pentacostals on PCP?" --Lyssa, on the Vatican's classes on Satanism "Note to DC/Vertigo, if you want to use a character from the existing universe, make sure the character looks like Vertigo standard. I didn't need a sweaty, shifty looking Italian fatass playing a part I traditionally reserve for a European bishounen." --Spaceman Groove, on the portrayal of Lucifer in _Constantine_ Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. "Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." --William Pitt "You always said it couldn't happen here... Then one day we woke up and we were living in a Fascist state." --Michael Donovan, _V_ "Keep the faith in government incompetance." --Seosamh "What is a magician but a practising theorist?" --Obi-Wan Kenobi "The Archangel Gabriel might possibly cut some ICE, but I personally would not want to have either Saint Isadore of Seville or Saint Clare of Assisi standing in for the Lord of the Crossroads." --William Gibson "In something that sounds like it's straight out of an episode of Beavis and Butthead, I 'pulled one of my pecs'." --Giza, on his chest pains "So is this going to be a medical bong hit?" --Art Bell "No! No! Nobody that calls this show is crazy!" --George Noory, _Coast to Coast AM_ "By the time I get a live body, the 64-bit version of Windows will be released." --Lyssa, on tech support "Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God." --Lenny Bruce "What have been its (Christianity's) fruits? More or less in all places, pride and indolence in the Clergy, ignorance and servility in the laity, in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution." --James Madison, fourth President of the United States of America "Ohshitohshitohshitthinkthinkthink.. that's it! What would Gramma BFG do? I'll tell what she'd do! She'd cheat like a mofo!" --Sarah, _/usr/bin/w00t_ "Hey asshole, wipe the blade off before you go sticking it in the mayonnaise." --D- "The First Amendment doesn't protect speech you like; it protects speech you hate." --Larry Flynt "I love that tampons inspire fear in the weak. And I'm talking the still-in-the-wrapper variety." --Ranger Morgiah "If it weren't for pixie dust and voodoo magick we'd never get anything done." --D- "Don't do this to us, you control freak bastards!" --Alex Jones "So far from God, so close to the United States." --Anonymous "From brunch with Anton LeVay to dinner with the Pope." --The Doctor "This.. is the limit of what the broadcast code allows." --Yuuki Miaka, _Fushigi Yuugi_ "Ooh. Fat pills." --D-, on fresh doughnuts "We're all beat up." "There's no way we can suck this much." --Alphonse and Edward Elric, _Fullmetal Alchemist_ (manga) "Your specifications do not intersect with reality at this time, however. Let's do this..." --Tartan, the voice of reason "Spock, the women on your planet are logical. No other planet in the galaxy can make that claim." --Captain James T. Kirk, _Star Trek_ Political correctness means always having to say "I'm sorry." "The office is like a tree full of monkeys trying to climb up. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes..." --Anonymous "Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell." --St. Augustine "I have always objected to those who tell us how terrible the situation is, but offer nothing but silence when asked what can be done about it." --Whitley Streiber "The answer is never the answer. What's really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you'll always be seeking. I've never seen anybody really find the answer - they think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer." --Ken Kesey "That's the easiest face to punch!" --Ed to Envy/Roy, _Fullmetal Alchemist_ "If you're gonna be in pain for most of the day then you're not gonna enjoy your life much, but George Bush insists that god has appointed him to ensure that I spend the rest of my life in pain without any relief. So I say: Fuck you George Bush, you should have these pains in your goddamned legs. Now that doesn't sound very Buddhist, but today I'm too angry to be a Buddhist. I'll get back to being a Buddhist tomorrow." --Robert Anton Wilson "There is a much greater effort on the part of the Dairy Council to get you to buy more cheese than there is by Queer America to make you Gay." --Chala, on "The Homosexual Agenda" "There are no 'lies' or 'bullshit' in this article, just people who can't read and interpret things sensibly for themselves." --Paul Mutton "The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal,' 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment!" --Printemps "You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe." --Marcus Cole, _Babylon 5_ "Justice is incidental to law and order." --J. Edgar Hoover "I've was kidnapped and dragged through the woods by a rocket-powered baby carriage. I wasn't exactly in the right headspace." --Shelby, _Duel Masters_ "The reason you have people breaking into your software all over the place is because your software sucks..." --Former Whitehouse cybersecurity advisor, Richard Clarke, at eWeek Security Summit "The definition of a religious ceremony is an act of ritual magic that doesn't work." --S. Jason Black & Christopher S. Hyatt "It's time to have a little Boondock Saints style customer service implemented." --Lyssa Heartsong "My previous experimentation with mushrooms was mild compared to my current reality." --T-W- "checking whether gcc bitches when told to look inside INCLUDE_DIR... no checking whether gcc bitches when including some deprecated headers... no" --from the output of the configure script of Imview "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross." --Sinclair Lewis "Welcome to your freak show of political pornography." --Anonymous announcer on 104.7 FM (Pittsburgh, PA) "Real porn is far more entertaining than this drivel." --The Doctor "Write once, bomb anywhere." --Anonymous Java programmer "Is there a form of alchemy that will let me burn someone through the phone?" --Roy Mustang, _Fullmetal Alchemist_ "The one sticking point between us and the open-source community is that we actually think that compatibility matters." --James Gosling, creator of Java "Let the people think they govern and they will be governed." --William Penn "We're playing pretend, so let us use toys, it seems only natural." --Don Sheldon, on Wikis "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper." --Robert Frost You're never ready, just less unprepared. "I'm bishounen in a Sasquatch sort of way." --Hasufin "We've got enough hardware to get jobs at Guantanamo Bay!" --Lyssa, on our toybags "It was like one of those moments in Pulp Fiction. The moment in which something new and much much worse happens, and the character's entire context has to shift and move about, like a giant transformer-robot encompassing one's entire reality." --Kurt Harland "The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right." --Mark Twain "We were somewhere around Dave and Buster's on the edge of the Pump It Up platform when the tofu began to take hold." --Genetik "There are not enough pagans in this car to protect us from Silicon's driving!" --Lyssa "Why is it those who scream 'sinner' are, almost always, the people concealing the deepest, darkest sins?" --Harmon Leon "I searched through rebellion, drugs, diets, mysticism, religions, intellectualism and much more, only to begin to find that truth is basically simple - and feels good, clean and right." --Chick Corea Being a liberal can also mean advocating the legalisation of explosive tipped ammunition. "Life is all about ass... you're either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, trying to get a piece of it, or behaving like one." --the.Silicon.Dragon "You'd be surprised how many sad sons of bitches believe people only care about each other in books." --Spider Robinson, _Time Travellers Strictly Cash_ "Unlike most guys, I'm more about the whole than the hole." --Alexius Pendragon "You have lost your path, Dan. You stopped to enjoy the view and forgot that you are on a journey. You need to be reminded. That's what you Mum meant." --Sharon, _Dan Eden Tells All_ "Don't ever let anyone tell you that something God gave you is a bad thing[.]" --Scott "Kludge" Dorsey "Blows my mind. It literally does. What the hell were those two thinking? The assignment was so clear birds were crashing into it and breaking their necks. Yet these two missed the mark by light years." --Nyarlathotep, on 2004's worst final papers in history "'Bring home the magic' my furry, white ass!" --Ralph, _Exploitation Now_ "Pixie dust... pixie dust.. pixie dust..." "Oh, holy Jesus - don't look in the log file! We need more of that!" --D- and B-, on web applications "People who purr are dangerous." --Lauren "It's my fault. I told Miss Anthy that I wanted to eat a really spicy curry. Miss Anthy risked her life to make me that curry." --Kaoru Miki, _Shojou Kakkumei Utena_ "My soul doesn't come in flavours." "Mine's mint." --Lupa and Aleris "Weird is bad." --John Perry Barlow, on The System "Fuck that." --The Doctor, in response "I see Angels as more of a 'Swiss Army Knife'. If an Angel has to kill, we have a blade. However, we also have a corkscrew." --Katt "Folks have been conned to thinking they can't change the world, have to accept what is. I'll tell you something my friends. The world is changing every day, the only question is who's doing it." -- Rev. Dexter, _Babylon 5: And the Rock Cried Out, No Hiding Place_ "Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it." -- Alex Schure "Fuck Slashdot... you heard it here first." --Genetik "Were the zebras screwing the hell out of us last night or what???" --D- "Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon." --Sir Humphrey Appleby "A thousand little pictures is worth ten lines of code." --Stan Kelly-Bootle, _The Devil's DP Dictionary_ (on flowcharts) "The only thing stopping me from becoming the next Josef Stalin is sheer laziness. On second thought, that's not pathetic, that's a GOOD THING: The world needs more death camps and gulags, sure, but I'm probably not the best person to be put in charge of filling them." --Nyarlathotep "Gee, that's a nice name, but it sounds too much like 'mud puddle'." --J-H-, on choosing a Chinese name "Plate tectonics abound! Thanks!!! Let's blow something up." --Kausha "I have an idea: LET'S FUCKING SLEEP!!" --the.Silicon.Dragon "Once at war, to reason is treason." --James Hilton "It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established authorities are wrong." --Voltaire "And I thought you guys acted like insufferable know-it-alls before. This is disturbing to us real omniscients." --Rache Bartmoss "Every day, as I get more comfortable running around my servers, I become a little more comfortable with the concept of enlightened laziness." --The Ferrett "Shake it like a corduroy ninja." --Hugh, _Angst Technologies_ "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." --Winston Churchill "MSPAINT should be a privledge, not a right." --Sayaka "When I did Recombinant, I took much pleasure in singing 'I want TO know' instead of 'I wanna know'. I like to be thought of as the pop singer with the best diction." --Kurt Harland "In fact, UNICODE codepoint 0x9090 happens to be the Chinese character for [li3], "winding" or "meandering". Chinese poetry shellcode, anybody?" --Jeffrey Connell "Lys, you are not going to eat my hermit crabs. I won't eat your pets; you won't eat mine. You can have crab cakes. Deal?" "I bet they're good fried in butter. Come on, crabbie..." --The Doctor and Lyssa "[Bush] is just a big corporation masquerading as a human being." --Ralph Nader "A successful psychedelic trip absolutely kills the desire to do it again very soon... the way to know whether you're doing it correctly or not is if what you're doing doesn't make you afraid, you're not doing it right." --Terrence McKenna "Elections being over and everything, time to stop ranting about politics and get back to my nice little world of Photoshop, books, and killing random wildlife for exp. It's not the end of the world." --Cyfis "It's hard to be a domme in the retail industry." --Jill "Turn blue, motherfuckers! Turn blue!" --Lyssa "I've been following this discussion with a complete sense of shock and amazement. Why are you people making up excuses for crap ass programming? It IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, and if you keep putting forth the notion that it is, nothing is going to change." --infamous41md "If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error." --John Kenneth Galbraith "Last night, I hacked up a shoggoth. I shit thee not. Tentacles, eyes, a serious bad attitude... the whole works. I had to douse it with Clorox and the powder of Ibn-Ghazi at least ten times before the fucker would give up the ghost and vanish down the drain." --Pegritz, on bronchitis "If you're going through hell, keep going." --Winston Churchill "Progress isn't made by convincing skeptics, but funeral by funeral." --Max Planck "I guess it's a cultural thing. Imagine an entire race of beings, all of them unable to give you the finger. It could explain a lot." --Gormworm "The mind commands the body and immediately it obeys. The mind orders itself, and meets resistance." --Saint Augustine "I must abide by the clock, and the clock says 'go away'." --Art Bell Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. "What it boils down to is I'm tired of hiding. I love my boyfriend Kyle and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to marry him. Is this so difficult to understand?" --BrokenBoy "I must not buy. Money is the mind-killer. Spending money is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my spending. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the money has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." --Litany against purchasing, by Zig (regarding FanimeCon 2002) "It is rumoured, or perhaps a legend, that Timothy [Leary] had squirreled away a treasure trove at some secret location of 25,000 hits of blue Sandoz [LSD]. Where is it? Do you know where it is?" "My lips are sealed. When they open the tombs on Cydonia, I'll issue a press statement." --Art Bell and Terrence McKenna (RIP) "That auction is incredible, if it's legit. Do you mind if I suck cock for it?" "No, I don't mind. I just want a chance to play _Phantasy Star_, though." --Lyssa and The Doctor, on someone selling what amounts to the history of home videogaming on eBay "Ones and zeroes are a number system just like the [base] ten system that we're all brought up with because we've got ten fingers. A computer only has one finger, and that finger is up or not." --Todd Rundgren, on how he taught himself programming "Holy cow feces! Are you serious, now?" --Art Bell There's a little of the chaos mage in everyone who hasn't got a stick up their ass. "We're going to drink this one to Ozzie: A good man who tried to save my ass by injecting me into yours." --Tuck Pendleton, _Innerspace_ When you learn how easy it is to deceive those who want to believe, it will show you how easily you might be deceived if you want to believe. "Please do not pimp out the Kate." --Cosplay Kate "Honey, you can't learn to fuck reading _Popular Mechanics_. That isn't what makes a butch a good lover." --Jacqueline, _Stone Butch Blues_ "A pretty girl is like a violent crime If you do it wrong you could do time." --The Magnetic Fields, _A Pretty Girl Is Like..._ "You know our maxim: Hard technology for a hard world." --Scott Ridley, _Death Machine_ "I am a citizen of somewhere else." --Nathaniel Hawthorne "So now I can say that I got Bryce into DJ's pants..." --Ellen, on my borrowing DJ's renfaire garb "I'm impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it." --Klaatu, _The Day the Earth Stood Still_ Never say "whoops!", always say "Ah, Interesting!" If your law requires a police state to enforce, your law is wrong. "I'll have a SIGSEGV with a side of fries, please!" --Pace "I now see it plainly states the topics are limited to 11 pages. I guess this only proves I'm not the brightest singularity in multidimensional space-time." --John Titor "Ex-idols are like unexploded ordinance. Once their useful lives are over, most are duds and cannot cause problems. Others are like nuclear warheads and can be dangerous if not handled properly." --Megatokyo "Unless we change direction, we'll wind up exactly where we're going." --Chinese proverb "They don't let chimps travel in time." --Oliver Williams "I must not hit on the minions." --Lyssa "Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." --Plato "Make mouse noises for me, baby." --Akio, _Utena Thumbnail Theatre_ "Any sufficiently advanced exercise equipment is indistinguishable from bondage gear." --Giza "Network Security is Y2K without the deadline." --Network Security Secrets and Solutions 1999 "Of course! I may not look it, but I _am_ a professional!" --Tachikoma, _Ghost In the Shell: Stand Alone Complex_ "Physics is like sex: Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it." --Feynman To err is human. To really screw things up, you need the root password. Dreaming in digital, Living in realtime Thinking in binary Talking in IP **Welcome to our world** "Everything needs porn." --Lyssa Heartsong "Using a serial terminal to install Solaris?! You geek. Get a GUI!" --M-O- "Don't you know it's rude to run off in the middle of Honey's monologue?" --Cutey Honey "If it's in the news, don't worry about it." --Bruce Schneier "Nothing represents the overall nature and substance of the Internet better than masturbating in the marketplace." --Siva Vaidhyanathan "Atomic detonations make good disinfectants, too." --Art Bell The greatest trick the priesthood ever pulled was convincing the world that the Devil exists. "She [Helen] has been naming the feeder mice again. I have hidden the frozen ones, because I do not want to have to deal with the concept of little toe-tags that I have to take off before feeding the snakes. That is simply not my thing. Do you know how annoying it is to get those things off of a frozen rodent toe before thawing? (Worse than those mini-earrings that some have. We simply have to stop getting mice from the pet store near that pagan shop... I am convinced that they have been dealing with the shoplifters a bit too harshly as of late. The worst is having to make sure the male mice do not have Prince Alberts.)" --Rialian, on feeder mice for snakes "Just because something's fast doesn't mean that it can compete with the human mind." --Steve Wozniak "We've got people sleeping under the tables in the public cluster. This [HOPE] is like a Greatful Dead tour for geeks." --Emmanuel Goldstein, on HOPE 2004 "If it doesn't mention the Amiga system, it's just propaganda." --thew "I for one plan to suck up bigtime to any AI I can get within shouting distance of, so that maybe when they decide to eat the planet I'll get first dibs on a virtual environment built to spec with lots of spooky castles and gigantic killer robots under my complete control." --Nyarlathotep "If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning." --Catherine Aird "Perhaps most amazingly, votaries of 'diversity' insist on absolute conformity." --Tony Snow You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake -- but you could be if you got off your ass and led instead of following. "As the stars age, they lose their shine. Just like us." --Akio, _Shojo Kakkumei Utena_ "Underpants! Underpants! Underpants! Underpants!" --Chi, _Chobits_ "One does not wonder if something exists for Emacs. One believes." --Haystor "Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants." --Gen. O. N. Bradley "I think I just got violated by a dead guy." --Utena, _Utena Thumbnail Theatre_ "Don't believe a word I say. CHECK IT." --Red Elk "No matter how good the idea, there is always an advocate extreme enough to deter people." --Steve Aylett "Be careful of the pithy comment - sometimes it leaves a hollow stem." --Rialian "I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells." --Theodore Seuss Geisel "It's a science fiction movie, not a documentary." --Art Bell, on _The Day After Tomorrow_ "I went out to check on the progress of the conflict right after I wrote that entry, and I stepped on one of the combatants and the little fucker bit my foot! So that meant instant devastation of both parties. I grabbed a can of Raid Ant Killer from my mom's basement, chased the cats off the porch (who were sitting on top of a nearby chair watching the war, too), put on my gas mask, and proceeded to rain a holocaust of mustard gas down upon the battlefields while singing _Goodbye Blue Skies_. "It was cooler than fucking hell." --Derek Pegritz, on warring ant colonies "Next week, you guys are going to Acheron." "We're going to Akron?" "Jesus, no! How cruel of a DM do you think I am?" --Ferrett and Brent, about their D&D game "I like to be pixelated. Pixels are cool." --Mark Nicholas "Damn ninjas. Always breaking my toys." --Ed, _Megatokyo_ "It looks like you were built in a laboratory out of parts of lesser nerds! The bionic nerd..." --http://www.milkandcookies.com/stuff/triumphvsw.asx "My Boy quotes Baudrilliard! I am in love!" --Lyssa "An explosion doesn't show the best parenting skills." --Hexadecimal, _Reboot_ "Never ascribe to an opponent motives meaner than your own." --Unknown The worlds of magick and logic must exist side by side, not destroy each other. "There seems no plan because it is all plan." --C.S. Lewis "'Metrosexual'? What the hell does that mean, he's hot for Spider Jerusalem?" --Bryce "I'm so fricking drunk. I can't type right now. I'm excited too..." "Why does that sound like a mating call?" --Whisper and Alexius "Keep a good eye on your enemy, because you are going to become him." --Timothy Leary (paraphrasing Nietzsche) "How humiliating is it to have an argument about your own penis with your mother and lose?" --The Ferrett "There won't be anything we won't say to people to try and convince them that our way is the way to go." --Bill Gates "Lord? What the hell am I doing here?" --Nicholas D. Wolfwood, _Trigun_ "In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them." --John von Neumann "I guess it's Unicode ninjitsu time." --KF "Congratulations! You've crossed the first hurdle in becoming a good security person - you're paranoid. Now all you have to do is keep reading and learning - for the rest of your life. But try to get some perspective." --Paul Schmehl Pride has a way of blinding you to the fact that you're fucking up. "It's young and it blows shit up - let's screw it!" --Lyssa "The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly." --Corra May White Harris "Waterproof boots, unless worn underneath waterproof pants, become rain buckets." --Inkyblue2 "Jai-lo! I got a straight guy for you!" --Ted Allen "You know, when you don't have enough male influence in your life, terrible things can happen. I'm the poster child." --Carson Kressley If you will practice being fictional for a while, you will understand that fictional characters are sometimes more real than people with bodies and heartbeats. "Just ignore the MOOFs." --C- "When making a change for the first time, use a fairly standard configuration, and use a development environment - even if it is Windows 2000 Server on a desktop or laptop computer. While Microsoft asserts that 133 or 166 MHz is the required minimum, a P90 with extra memory will work, and will blue-screen as fast as anything else." --_Securing Windows 2000 Step By Step_, The SANS Institute "The prevalence of empty words makes possible the falsification of realities." --Robert Mason "...while I had told the rightful owner that I intended to leave it home, that was before I discovered that one-eyed trouser snakes could become pythons after one-too-many cans of precooked pasta." --Kevin A. Murphy, _Penny Dreadful_ "The Pat Robertsons of the world make possible the Anton LaVeys." --Tau Allen Greenfield "Code is so complex, that there are always going to be some things that, no matter how hard you test, you're not going to catch. If we see a system that's behaving abnormally well, we should probably be suspicious, rather than assuming that it's behaving abnormally well." --Tom Kropp, manager, Enterprise Information Security program, Electric Power Research Institute "Thank you for not using the C-word." --William Gibson, after an interview "We have come to terms." --_The Big O_ The only justification that Nature requires is that you can. "Dreary reality is where you are always on the run from deadly forces beyond your control; cyberspace is where you can pull off the really cool shit." --Nerdboy Himself "I do not believe in 'evil', either. Dysfunctional stupidity and such... but not EVIL(tm)." --Rialian Ph-nglui mglw'nafh Gates R'chmd wgah'nagl fhtagn. "A readymade 'lost weekend.' Just add sake." --Seaweb "The moment you see something wrong and don't say anything, is the moment you start to die." --Dr. Jocelyn Elders "The most tyrannical of governments are those which make crimes of opinions, for everyone has an inalienable right to his thoughts." --Benedict Spinoza "We'll be out of season by the time we get there!" --Carson Kressley "A little booty house is good for the soul." --The Doctor "alert tcp $EXTERNAL_NET any -> $HOME_NET any (msg:"Salesman BS Overflow Detected"; pcre:"/turn[-\s]*key/i" classtype:"marketing-mumbojumbo"; sid:55378008; rev:1;) "Alternatively this rule could be switched around for source and destination to detect when your sales people are using meaningless mumbojumbo, etc." --Chad Kreimendahl "Using encryption on the Internet is the equivalent of arranging an armored car to deliver credit card information from someone living in a cardboard box to someone living on a park bench." --Gene Spafford Education is what you have left over after you have forgotten everything that you've learned. "Bitchslap Securiteam for resending other people's alerts without passing on any of the useful information." --cazz, in the RULES.todo file of Snort v2.1.1rc1 "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." --J.R.R. Tolkien "On that of which one cannot speak, one must remain silent." --Wittgenstein "Better to be informed than alarmist." --Michael Warfield "File, print, man." --C- "Hell, considering the huge amount of time and concentration I've spent on Shane Williams and Sean Dix's Echoes of Earth trilogy and John C. Wright's Golden Age, I'm surprised I didn't somehow get Hyperevolved Moravec Nanofuctional Spacetime Manipulator of Funk." --Derek Pegritz "Your first deadline's tomorrow. I want to see eight thousand words. Printable words. I still remember that essay you wrote when the Beast got elected. I do not want to see the word 'fuck' typed eight thousand times again." --Royce, _Transmetropolitan_ Just because I don't CARE doesn't mean I don't UNDERSTAND." --Homer Simpson "All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable." --Fran Lebowitz It's not about "saving the Earth," you ninnies, it's about SAVING OUR ASSES! "Do you know the main differences between a schizophrenic and a mystic? Control and discernment. Always check your sources." --Rialian "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?" A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. "I've seen nicer bathrooms in prisons." --Carson Kressley "He's an accomplished cook but his equipment is garbage!" --Ted Allen Warning at the Gates of Bill: Abandon hope, all ye who press here... "I route. Therefore, you are." --Jon Lewis "Be all that you can be / in the Census!" --Jim "Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say." --Albany, _King Lear_, William Shakespeare, act 5, scene 3 "I tried to view the attachment but Mutt said application/x-msdownload is unsupported..." --Matt Southworth "There are gay men in California in awe of Boobie Wars." --Lyssa Ernst Fear gives intelligence even to fools. "Perl -- It's like Java, only it lets you deliver on time and under budget." --perl.org "Client side, server side, world wide." --Marc Maiffret "It doesn't have to be our fault to be our responsibility." --Paul Robertson "Bryce's motto: If this keyboard's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'." --Dale "Since you didn't pay me for it (the software) can you explain to me how I can answer questions for several thousand new users this week who are too lazy to take step one and read the docs? Kiss the project goodbye, as well as my having time to put a roof over my head. Some developers may lack a little tact but I should point out that there is nothing wrong with being a n00b. Only someone with ego problems intent on leading a boring life considers ever being noticed as a neophyte at something again to be an insult. I'd rather be a green growing new sprout than a petrified stuffed shirt." --Sequitur "I don't think there's many cookies left, kitty." --Lyssa Heartsong "Am I alive or dead?" "We don't have to think like that anymore. Everything is forgiven. Everything." --Chris and Rheya, _Solaris_ (movie interpretation) "At this point, my eyebrows raised and I got a weird feeling... as though a platypus had walked over my grave on stilts, or something." --Derek Pegritz "I never knew evil tasted so good!" --Cyborg, _Teen Titans_ "It is just a crash." --Theo de Raadt Question: How many activists does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer: None. Activists don't change anything. Subtlety is the art of saying what you think, and getting out of the way before it is understood. "I can think of another great way to fix the vulnerabilities in Windows. It's called fdisk." --N407er "The proverb is made for those who take advice." --Chinese saying "Opening attachments in e-mail is on par with group needle-sharing after having unprotected sex in a Third World orgy." --Tim Mullen "alert any $EXTERNAL_NET any -> $HOME_NET any (msg:"Linux 8.0 Flame content"; content:"; content:"SNORT and Linux 8.0"; classtype:stupid-postings; sid:1000010; rev:1;)" --Nick Duda, on people who really need to read the Snort FAQ "Anyone who doubts that terrorists could smuggle a nuclear warhead into New York City should note that they could always wrap it in a bale of marijuana." --Graham Allison, _The Boston Globe_, 27 October 1999 "Argh! They removed a thing it because it's unsecure. Let's get it back..." --Matus Uhlar (facetiously, on PHP's register_globals directive) "I like Gentoo. Fully customizable from the ground up. Check it out." "Yep, it's the control freak's wet dream. It's a bird of a different feather, but it's also a rather cool bird." --Christopher Lyon and Erek Adams "The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher regard those who think alike than those who think differently." --Friedrich Nietzsche "You cannot make something foolproof because fools are so ingenious." --James Meritt "Don't take life seriously, anyway you ain't getting out alive." --Anonymous "With a few exceptions, secrecy is deeply incompatible with democracy and with science." --Carl Sagan "It's like a friggin' away mission." --C- "You're an absolute fucking spaz." --Dale "These [NP-complete problems] are the problems that make efficient use of the Fairy Godmother." --Anonymous computer science lecturer "Violating a standard does not necessarily mean that it does not work." --Spiro Trikaliotis "As in certain cults it is possible to kill a process if you know its true name." --Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie "What if he has to drop a deuce? Is this project more important than going to the bathroom?" "He can go, but he'd better be thinking about UDP the entire time." --J- and C- "The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture." --Elbert Hubbard "Education is an admirable thing. But it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. --Oscar Wilde Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth. "You need not be so wordy about 'what' and 'why'. Just about 'do'." --C- "And then be prepared to groan when, at the end of it all, it turns out to be some kiddiot in a foreign country." --Nicholas Weaver, on identity phishing "Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity." --Christopher Morley "Basic rule of thumb: On the Internet, anybody can complain. And people do. Whether it has any basis in fact is another matter. It's easier to come up with rumors about evil-doers than it is to debunk them." --Linus Tovalds "Never give in. Never give in. Never. Never. Never." --Winston Churchill Talent does what it can. Genius does what it must. You do what you get paid to do. Bradyism: A multisibling sensibility derived from having grown up in large families. A rarity in those born after approximately 1965, symptoms of Bradyism include a facility for mind games, emotional withdrawal in situations of overcrowding, and a deeply felt need for a well-defined personal space. -- Douglas Coupland, "Generation X: Tales for an Accelerated Culture" "A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance." --Stanislaw Lem "A white cloak, a white staff, and fireworks don't make you Jesus." --the.Silicon.Dragon "The horse you are dreaming about is your father - the oven you are dreaming about is your mother and the pile of shit you are dreaming about is your analyst." --Erica Jong "If Darl McBride was in charge, he'd probably make marriage unconstitutional too, since clearly it de-emphasizes the commercial nature of normal human interaction, and probably is a major impediment to the commercial growth of prostitution." --Linus Torvalds "Here in the open source community, we're willing to help out, but that's because we're not willing to put up with the status quo. And that's generally due to our inflated sense of Laziness, Impatience, and Hubris." --Larry Wall "Once rockets are up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department." --Wernher von Braun "Bugtraq Security Systems uses only QNX. We're realtime like that." --The Bugtraq Team "Since these two trashy bitches (one male one female) moved in below me (about a year ago) I have not had a normal nights sleep with out the aid of chemicals and ear plugs. Between the constant fighting, loud music and klingon sex going on below me I am going absolutely insane." --Nnie "We will export death and violence to the four corners of the earth in defense of our great nation." --Anyonomous CIA Field agent in Afghanistan "To know the future is to be trapped by it. But knowing it is a trap is the first step toward evading it." --Leto Atreides II, _Dune Messiah_ Ryan's Law: Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert. "Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat." --Robert Heinlein "Sometimes, paranoia can be helpful. Usually, it isn't, and when you learn that, life improves." --Vanessa Dannenberg(?) "Hours of boredom and seconds of terror." --"Winslow Peck" on working as an NSA analyst "I returned to find that the house is now kitten enabled! Whoot!" --Soulkry "Everyone has a plan until they get hit." --Wirepair(?) "In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a vcr." --Anonymous "The 'somebody' strongly felt that ide-scsi was not just ugly but _evil_, and that the syntax and usage of "cdrecord" was absolutely stupid. That somebody was me." --Linus Torvalds "Gotta make sure the head's on straight before twisting the body." --Lynn (damn skippy!) "Do I look like a stickybun for your breakfast enjoyment?" "'Hey, I only paid you guys $0 for this product, why aren't you giving me the same level of support as the guys that pay?' doesn't sound like a valid complaint." --Matt Kettler "Owe no man anything." --Romans 13:8 "I kind of consider myself transmodern: One foot in the 18th Century, one foot in the 30th. I'd gladly wear a periwig built out of optical fiber." --Nyarlathotep "The only way of finding the limits to the possible is by going beyond them to the impossible." --Arthur C. Clark "You know, I do look like a Mormon." --Alexius "A word to the wise is infuriating." --Hunter S. Thompson "If your current computer will do what you want it to do, there's no reason to upgrade it. Properly maintained equipment will last for many years, and of course software, once it's debugged, will run forever." --Bill Gates (no, I'm serious..) "We are all Pennsylvanians. We are not afraid of snow, especially the day after." --Kage "Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better." --Edgar W. Howe "Inside jokes amongst friends serve as a sort of hash table mechanism for memories." --zman "The medievals and the victorians still walk among us, resenting change at every turn." --Natasha "There is no line between sanity and insanity, just a vague difference in smirks." --Patrick Ivins "Didn't Allchin say under oath that there was code in Windows so ugly that if you read it out loud, you needed to roll a D20 and see which Elder God showed up to suck your intestines out through your ear?" --Valdis Kletnieks "The Principle of Least Amazement (aka Occam's Razor) would suggest that an auto-configuring sniffer NIC is the more likely culprit, and deserves close inspection. But I would pay dearly for the ability to generate a personal No Wierd Sh*t Zone." --Ken Wallewein "The modern magickian uses the tools of their time." --Genesis P. Orridge "He's in the proto-laid stage!" "He's in the 'workin' on it' stage." --Elissa and Alexius "I don't mean to eavesdrop, but that's funny shit." --Dawnie "Aah.. dad versus new people! Come on..." --Alexius "Instant asshole: Just add mead." --Nicky "Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature." --Tom Robbins "There is a fine line, between perfect, and burnt... and that line is determined by the chef." --Mario Batali "And if I claim to be a wise man, It surely means that I don't know." --Kansas, _Carry On My Wayward Son_ "Outlook is a security hole that masqurades as an e-mail client." --Steven J. Vaughan-Nichols "I think it is time you use the two words consultants just love to hear: 'Show me.'" --Thor "If their [US senators'] marriages are threatened by a loving gay relationship, then I suggest marriage counseling, not a federal amendment." --Mark Mead, on the FMA bill "There's not much 'romance' in being trapped in an alien lifeform's body." --The Crisses If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? If you cannot understand it, it is intuitively obvious. "The gods do not play dice with the universe my ass... first rain then sleet, finally snow. They're playing dice alright, they're rolling on the table marked 'random precipitation generator'. I hear if they get a twenty, we'll be seeing frogs." --Spaceman Groove "1 |<0r m3." --From detonate.net "My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world." --Muhammad Ali "Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad." --George Bernard Shaw "How can anyone say they are patient, kind and loving unless they are really put into an environment where they could choose not to be?" --Don Webb "I'm some sort of sandwich powered power tool." --MKB "Contempt prior to investigation is the definition of ignorance." --Frater Dagaz "I love Moulon Rouge, but this is a bit much." --Carson Kressley "I have a feeling we're going to find strange meats.. oh, look! Ground antelope!" --Ted Allen Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why. "Unfortunately, there are many folks who have queried the ISA newsgroups and other ISA lists about how (not why) to allow inbound SQL connections because many web designers haven't quite caught up to the idea that the Internet isn't the friendly little sandbox that they seem to believe it is." --Jim Harrison "You're issuing commands like Serpentor. That's hot." --Chris Hudson "It takes talent to transcend one's advertising potential." --Lowmagnet, on house music "Hey, baby, let's exchange cryptographic primes. I want to tune into your neurotransmitters and introduce you to Doctor Strange! Let's read physics journals together and laugh at the dirty parts!" --Nick Herbert "The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane." --Phaedrus "The mushroom knows all the command line options." --From the NTPD v4.1.0b documentation "Engineering meets art in the parking lot and things explode." --Garry Peterson, on Survival Research Labs "When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt." --Henry J. Kaiser "The computers themselves are worthless, compared to human lives, but the information within them is invaluable." --Drew Copley "My only badge is my conscience. Guns back a badge, but hellfire backs the conscience." --Anonymous "All the world's a starbucks - and all the men and women mere consumers." --Sorynvala "What's the difference between casting a circle and casting a movie? In a circle, there's only one or two people who think they're deities." --Buttercup "For me to die for my faith, many others will die for it first." --Mark Peterson (I like how he thinks...) "Any shortsighted policy that discourages consumers from watching broadcast TV or raises the price of equipment for receiving broadcast TV is a step in the right direction from my point of view." --Charles Platt "Microsoft has made everyone's lives harder - without making it less buggy/more secure. Throwing encryption at problems doesn't make the inherent problem go away." --Jason Haar "Let not the sands of time get in your lunch." --Chris Green Walk like you own your body. "If you're going to have delusions, you may as well go for the really satisfying ones." --Marcus, _Babylon-5_ "CSI is a Jerry Bruckheimer production. There's your answer." --Carmine If there's no body, they're probably not dead. "I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it" --H.E. Fosdick "Since flexresp is in general not reliable, but for some reason many people seem to think it's a firewall replacement, it's probably a bad idea to build it into pre-made binary images anyway." --Matt Kettler, on Snort's broken active response code "It may not lead us to enlightenment, but it may lead us to insight." --Stephen Schwartz "Better by far you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad." --Christina Rossetti "This is a normal abnormality. It is explained in the MSDN article linked here..." --Mark Donaldson, on GetModuleFilenameEx() "If I were Al Qaeda, I wouldn't waste time with nuclear weapons. I'd be going to Microsoft training courses." --John Naughton, on cyberterrorism "Just think.. one day, a slab of plasteel in your pocket will be smarter than you. For some of us, this has already happened." --Kerobaros Somtimes the best programming language is a soldering iron. "There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." --Raoul Duke, _Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas_ "We're all people who were so hellbent on self-preservation that we either split or called in reinforcements (or both?), and it doesn't really matter which." --The Crisses "Judgement and discrimination require human intervention. When I hear those who say things akin to 'intrusion detection doesn't work,' I think of the story of the guy who returned a violin to the music store with the complaint, 'This violin doesn't play Mozart.'" --Michael Sierchio The generation that used acid to escape reality is now using antacid to deal with reality. "Seriously...the world needs more shaved raccoons." --Skippyfox " See Kids? Auto updates are bad, M'kay. " --Erek Adams "Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context." --Chris Green "You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do. --Anne Lamott "I'm shaking like a leaf thanks to sucking in enough albuterol to dilate the Holland Tunnel to the size of Madonna's cooch." --Pegritz "Einstien truly was a stupid person if he covered up the truth because of a belief in a myth." --Sheraze "Remember: Defense in depth, not defense by marketing." --John Sage "Jesus died so you could jot down important information on Post-It notes." --Preyfar "While I will agree that the Gartner group needs to reevaluate their system for recommendations concerning technology. (Don't just ask your customers, try asking some well established experts.) That doesn't mean that IPS is the next coming of the anti-christ either (Martha Stewart being the first)." --Geoff (slightly edited for clarity) Boredom: A state of mind in which one actively hunts for non-porn-related websites that are still blocked by the local proxy server. "All this technology and it still takes forever to get anywhere." --Marcus, _Babylon-5_ "If we lose our freedom in the process of protecting ourselves, we are less secure, not more secure." --Al Gore "I'm not sure which upsets me more: That people are so unwilling to accept responsibility for their own actions, or that they are so eager to regulate everyone else's." --Kee Hinckley "Upcoming features? PAM. Files larger than 2 gigs. NFS over TCP. The 80's called, they want their features back." --Compactible Dave, on the SCO Roadmap for 2004 "The Chinese eat no cheese... except Crab Rangoon." --Sultry Sinful BB, mistress of the non sequitur "Reading the paper is usually a good idea before ridiculing it." --Michal Zalewski "Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic." --Anonymous More hacker poetry: ^<@<.@* }"_# | -@$&/_% !( @|=> ;`+$?^? ,#"~|)^G Translation: "Hat less at less point at star Backbrace double base pound space bar Dash at cash and slash base rate Wow open tab at bar is great Semi backquote plus cash huh DEL Comma pound double tilde bar close BEL" --Unknown "When did 'you want fries with that?' become associated with the five 9's of reliability?" --Compactible Dave Hacker poetry: <> !*''# ^"`$$- !*=@$_ %*<> ~#4 &[]../ |{,,SYSTEM HALTED Translation: "Waka waka bang splat tick tick hash, Caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash, Bang splat equal at dollar under-score, Percent splat waka waka tilde number four, Ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash, Vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma CRASH." --Unknown Encrypt everything. "Spam cares not for your gender. You must be enhanced!" --Chuck Lochel "Sadly, it costs a lot of money to exercise free speech in America." --The Register (http://www.register.co.uk/) "To mess up a Linux box, you need to work at it; to mess up your Windows box, you just need to work on it." --Scott Granneman "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier... just as long as I'm the dictator." --George W. Bush, 18 December 2000 "You have eternity. I have only now." --Chani, _Dune Messiah_ "In the vernacular of the youth: Word." --Joseph Hall "In Germany, the Nazis first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, but I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me." --Martin Niemoeller "Although Tai Chi is really cool, at the end of the day, it can't compensate for getting blind, stinking drunk." --Reverend Geo "Platform independence - write once, debug everywhere." --Visigoth "Suicidal behaviors are the first target [of treatment] 'simply because psychotherapy is not effective with dead patients' (Linehan, 1987, p. 329)..." --_Abnormal Psychology and Modern Life_, 11th edition "You can't use warez to replace faith." --Alex Mizell @ Livejournal "The best part of paganism: Everything can be celebrated with sex." --T3knomanser "Can I get rowdy and call names now?" --Alaric "We regret to inform you that we do not enable any of the security functions within the routers that we install." --covad.net technical support "How can you *not* love an intensely beautiful 30 foot tall androgyne riding a giant chicken?" --Tina Finagle's fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse. "I'm making goofy jokes about it because I think that we are a young species that often fucks with things we don't know how to unfuck. It's a coping mechanism." --Tycho, _Penny Arcade_ "Mine enemy is never wholly wrong." --Mohandas Ghandi "Don't make enemies with [sic] people appointed for life by the President of the United States; and don't make enemies of people who buy their ink by the gallon." --Mark Rasch "At what point does it become easier to maintain a human relationship than a Windows box?" --Robert Cowles "If God wants to punish a man, all He has to do is take away his common sense." --Russian proverb "Really, I'm not out to destroy Microsoft. That will just be a completely unintentional side effect." --Linus Torvalds "Our breakups were like Amish barn raisings; if you were there, you were gonna lend a hand." --The Ferrett "I am committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the President next year." --Wally O'Dell, CEO of Diebold, Inc. (One of the largest American manufacturers of election machinery) "I will not dismiss a Hero as a mere mortal because he does not have my centuries of experience. Even inexperienced losers can get lucky." --From _Things I Will Do If I Am Ever The Vampire_ "Message passing as the fundamental operation of the OS is just an excercise in computer science masturbation. It may feel good, but you don't actually get anything DONE." --Linus Torvalds "We're nothing more than egotistical monkeys with computers, crayons and sushi." --Emily Curewitz "For any process W or device X, you'll find person Y who never had a problem with it and person Z who says it causes cancer." --James O'Kane "It strikes me as surreal that Microsoft releases a security update to fix a bug, which security update itself has a bug and another update web page on how to manually fix it. Couldn't they go back and re-release a working version of their original security update?!" --Guy Barnum, on the Swen virus and Microsoft's not-patch "The Internet is more than port 80." --Declan McCullagh "If his toy wanted to be hurt some more.. who was he [Seishirou] to argue?" --"Sakura Taylor", _Tokyo Babylon: Full of Grace_ Art is the illusion of spontaneity. "I like to keep in mind that in the biological sciences the term 'adult' means nothing more exalted than 'an organism possessing functional genitalia'." --Steven McGraw "Don't patch code, rewrite it." --Brian Kernighan and P.J. Plauger, _The Elements of Programming Style_ "It's mother tested, gay approved." --Carson Kressley "Build one to throw away. You will anyhow." --Fred Brooks "I've exceeded the limits of even my own astounding capacity for chaos." --Pace "You've got a problem with drinking cheap liquor. Life is too short to drink cheap booze!" --Ted Allen "My country 'tis a freak, sweet land of anarchy, of thee I scream." --Ket "If 44,000 employees of Sun can work with StarOffice, and can exchange any document with their customers, there is no good argument not to do it." --Richard Seibt, CEO of SuSE The 13th Commandment: Watch your ass. "Some device on the network is feeling empowered to answer for broadcast traffic." --Martin Roesch on the snort-users mailing list Just because brainwashing is free doesn't mean that you have to have it done. "Windows Server 2003 doubles active sites since July; 5% were previously running Linux." "Fah. Let's see that number again after all the 120 day eval licenses expire." --Don Vanco "Maybe Ziggy. Ziggy wants you to talk dirty to her." --Lyssa, on the possibility of being monitored "You want to be vaguely careful when you start screaming about killing people. It can be a touchy subject. Never threaten to kill people in front of witnesses. Take my word for it." --Hunter S. Thompson "We didn't have any of these problems until you put that AS/400 on the network." --P- "We're having a Muppet moment." --John Pregger "I have a +5? When in the hell did I get a +5??" --Swift Fox, in game You always find the formatting errors in your resume as soon as you print out a batch to send. "If it involves the use of explosives in any way, it has to be American to some extent." --Taerkar "Classification: SCORE! Get the lotion!" --Snort alert message "I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone." --Bjarne Stroustrup You used to have to reboot the Windows 9.x series every couple of days because it would crash. Now you have to reboot Windows 200x or XP every couple of days because of a patch. How is that better or more stable? "You should try the cream-filled exclamation points sometimes. They are out of this world." --Giza A deep, unwavering belief is a sure sign that you're missing something. "I think I need to get a new general practitioner. One whose office is not a malarial breeding ground." --Pegritz "I'll wait until I hear of an actual [OpenSSH <= v3.7] exploit before I put my server in plastic and duct tape." --Sam Evans "Not everyone holds these truths to be self-evident, so we've worked up a proof of them as Appendix A." --Paul Prescod "Outlook is evil. Extra line breaks in this message were removed." --Outlook-specific notice in posts from the Snort-users mailing list "People who can't get SSHv2 clients can go away." --Bennett Todd "Nothing kills a party like a trip to the emergency room." --Carson Kressley "He looks like a poor man's David Hasslehoff." --Carson Kressley "Aaagh! Must.. poke out.. mind's eye!!!" --Sid, _User Friendly_ "Plus, you're sort of caressing and fondling, and you've got raw fish involved.." --Ted Allen "Wow! Straight guys are really fun!" --Carson Kressley "Those wings make your ass look so fierce!" --Jai Rodriguez "The theme in the kitchen appears to be: A bomb went off." --Ted Allen "See? That was nothing. But that's always how it begins.. very small." --Egg Shen, _Big Trouble In Little China_ "The superior warrior wins without fighting." --Sun Tzu "Good lord, Cliff, you're like a suppository of knowledge." -Greg Dean, _Real Life Comics_ "What the hell." --Jack Burton, _Big Trouble In Little China_ Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File". "The negation operator may be applied against any of the other rule types (except any, which would translate to none, how Zen...)." --Martin Roesch and Chris Green, _Snort Users Manual_ "All true wisdom is found in taglines." --ancient BBS saying The world is run by idiots because they're more efficient than hamsters. If you're not on somebody's shit list, you're not doing anything worthwhile. "Evolve or die, lunchmeat - and that means mentally, too." --Lyssa Heartsong "The grace of God is the sweat of the brow." --Whitley Streiber When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed. "Dear God: Thank you for coffee. It is one of your better inventions. Good show on the caffeine molecule, old chap. Mayhap next time try something in the vanilla ice cream flavour/style?" --Lyssa Heartsong Freedom of the press is for those who actually own one. "I guess you can only talk about getting tough on crime for so long before you have to back it up with meaningless arrests." --Risa Woods-Tanouye "Whenever they burn books, they will also, in the end, burn human beings." --Heinrich Heine No one's ever accused me of NOT being crazy. "Death before dishonor; drugs before lunch." --Hunter S. Thompson's Colorado gubernatorial campaign slogan "I can't wait for the day that some whizzkid working on some kind of medical molmac develops a replicator that will automatically seek out shitty beers and alter their chemical structure to become Jose Cuervo." --Nyarlathotep "I'm a little bit homo, and a little bit rock-and-roll." --The Ferrett "Everything I needed to know about love I learned from _Angel Sanctuary_. Yeah, right." --Silicon Rose Walk without rhythm and you won't attract a worm. When in doubt, take a pawn. "My own rule is that no weird story can truly produce terror unless it is devised with all the care and verisimilitude of an actual hoax. The author must forget all about 'short story technique', and build up a stark, simple account, full of homely corroborative details, just as if he were actually trying to 'put across' a deception in real life -- a deception clever enough to make adults believe it. My own attitude in writing is always that of the hoax-weaver. One part of my mind tries to concoct something realistic and coherent enough to fool the rest of my mind & make me swallow the marvel as the late Camille Flammarion used to swallow the ghost & revenant yarns unloaded on him by fakers and neurotics. For the time being I try to forget formal literature, and simply devise a lie as carefully as a crooked witness prepares a line of testimony with cross-examining lawyers in his mind." --Howard Philips Lovecraft The world will not get better through technology. We must seek to be better people. "We're all Carson, inside." --Lyssa "If I had to fall from Cassiel's grace, at least I know it took a courtesan worthy of kings to do it." --Joscelin Verreuil "It's a manly quiche. It's a quiche with balls." --Ted Allen "Now I'll never be a teen fashion model!" "Dammit." --Carson & Ted "Guns don't kill people - bad fashion does." --Carson Kressley To label me is to limit me. "There is no 'I' in 'drone'." --Evil Alien "The people you are after are the people you depend on. We develop your apps, we back up your data. We route your packets, we defend you while you sleep. Do not fuck with us." --jrandom, paraphrasing _Fight Club_ void after_hours(void){ while(1){ install_patches_on_MS_servers(); } } "Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of nature are constantly broken for their sakes." --Friedrich Nietzsche "If gay people decide that they can't be flamboyant and funny because straight people aren't going to like it, then what's the point? Either way, we're not allowed to be ourselves. I want to be gay on my own terms." --Kyan Douglas "Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything." --Josef Stalin "I always thought George Bush looked like the Cobra GI Joe figure..." --Ashitaka "[Crash programs] fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month." --Wernher von Braun "High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail." --Marcello Corno "Your info was in there. And they didn't. And you are not so pissed that you will never read this, never cancel your cards and start using cash, never write a congressman, and just move on to the next Slashdot story about Legos and Linux." --Anonymous, on the security compromise of the Acxiom Corporation's network "AutoCAD: The complex made Hermetic." --Ashitaka "I don't need to kick someone's balls to have a good time." --Lady Dreamtime "C'mon! Quick like a bunny!" --Carson Kressley "People who do stupid things with hazardous materials often die." --Jim Davidson Programming: A pastime similiar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward. "The most stable and profitable IT industries seem to be gaming, gambling, and pr0n." --Joshua Tinnin We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe. "When love cast me out it was cruelty who took pity on me." --Phaedra no Delunay "Nothing surpasses the complexity of the human mind." --Leto Atreides II Enlightenment can be found when one can be comfortable that they know that they do not know. You know? Know Your limitations. So long as you can see them, you can surpass them. 'Different' does not mean 'broken'. "What do you do when your real life exceeds your wildest fantasies?" "You keep it to yourself." --Broadcast News "Albert Einstein nailed space-time, but the wild thing had him stumped." --Thomas Dolby "Gelcaps: Beats all that barfing." --Bobby G "You've had the best of training. If you screw this up, it's not our fault." --Carson Kressley "Where there's stupid, there's Windows." --the.Silicon.Dragon "iMac... therefore iAm." --The Crisses "One guy with some Jack Daniels and a 30.06 can cause some serious trouble." --Jeff Rense "I am basking in the afterglow of a carnivore-gasm." --Lyssa Never fear that your life will end. Fear, rather, that it has not yet begun. "You don't have the right to an opinion, you have a right to an INFORMED opinion!" --Harlan Ellison "My chi is strong. My shirt is cotton." --The Shirt Ninja "A decent Jewish girl would be quoting Tanach at you, not Blue Oyster Cult." --Brachah (who happens to be Jewish) "When you type on it, it makes almost no sound whatsoever, and it just feels totally weird.. like I'm typing on a field of small, thumb-sized breast implants." --Nyarlathotep, on the Virtually Indestructible Keyboard "I'm drunk." "So am I." "Ain't it cool? Let's blow something up." --Lyssa and the Doctor "Christ, I'd take off _my_ pants in support of that." --John "You know you're drunk when you're holding a strap-on and you willingly think about _FLCL_." --The Doctor "I like hugs." "I like fucking." --Sarah and Lyssa "You're afraid of my Hulk-like abilities." --Sarah "Nipples: They're what's for breakfast." --Aaron "Are you a Mormon?" "Yes." --Sarah and Aaron "'Body shot'?! What?? Suddenly all conversation stops." --Sarah "Speak porno French to me." --Lyssa "My morals don't change dramatically when I'm drunk. I just have a greater tendency to take my clothes off." --Aaron "Would you like some butt candy?" --Lyssa "No fucking when you should be talking." --The Doctor "Yes, but my head is moving at two different speeds!" --Bredmold "Either make up your mind or go on Springer!" --Vertigo "A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular." --Adlai Stevenson "Hacking: The clever circumvention of imposed limits, whether imposed by your government, your own skills, or the laws of physics. Hacking doesn't stop with computers. Every revolutionist is a hacker, hacking the social system. The nerd-heroic Wright brothers hacked bicycles before they started hacking airplanes (because bikes were cutting-edge tech: elegant cheap mobility.) Ms. Manners, a feminist hero, hacks social interactions. The hacker approach works for everything in life. At least, it will make you more likely to analyze the elements of your life. At best it will make you want to transform those elements like an alchemist." --St. Jude (RIP) "What are we, the five fags from IBM?!" --Carson Kressley "One straight man down, about three hundred million to go." --Ted Allen Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status. "Tentacles are best." --Seaweb (horribly out of context, re: typing) That which the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. Silly Jedi, mind tricks are for Sith. "OK, now I understand why the Supreme Court recently legalized sodomy. Clearly, it was necessary to make it legal before the RIAA and the US government start systematically buggering the general public." --Dipipanone "Hey! Where did Kosh's CD-ROM drive go?!" --The Doctor "If it's true that unprotected sex with someone is like having sex with everyone they had sex with, and everyone they had sex with, and so-on, then that must mean that in some roundabout way most of us have had sex with Kevin Bacon." --Anonymous "I believe reality is a marvelous joke staged for my edification and amusement, and everybody is working very hard to make me happy." --Terence McKenna "You should view the world as a conspiracy run by a very closely-knit group of nearly omnipotent people, and you should think of those people as yourself and your friends." --Robert Anton Wilson "What's a seven letter word for 'dead broke'? 'student'" --The Crisses "We are all born naked. Everything after that is drag." --RuPaul The point is that geeks are not necessarily the outcasts society often believes they are. The fact is that society isn't cool enough to be included in our activities. "I wonder...what are bird phone-sex calls like? How can you make twittering and tweetering sexy?" --Pegritz Have move, will bust. Same shit, different incarnation. "That wasn't a vibrator, B., that was a webcam." --Lyssa "Even if you stumble and fall on your face, you are still moving forward." --Jeff Rense "I remember when legal used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole." --Leo Kessler If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from? "Audacity is better than a basket full of kittens!" --Arakune "Nobody is a nobody. Everyone has something to offer." --Buckaroo Banzai It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion, It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning, It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." --George Carlin "Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves. --Lenny Bruce "The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...'" --Isaac Asimov "Complete self-identity can never be preserved in any advance to novelty." --Alfred North Whitehead "Hey -- LGBT, kink, and an evil bishonen. What more does a girl need?" --Lyssa "You may have lost your soul, you keep your spirit within.." --Unknown "I try to do this trip without stopping.. I do not mind making a 5-10 minute stop for snacks. But I am relentless. I am the Aragorn of the DC-Pittsburgh drive! I-70 Ranger, level 15. Gentlemen, we do NOT stop until nightfall. And even then..." --the.Silicon.Dragon Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on: You eat BOTH sides. "I'd crawl over an acre of 'Visual This++' and 'Integrated Development That' to get to gcc, Emacs, and gdb. Thank you." --Vance Petree, Virginia Power "My name is a killing word." --Paul Muad'dib, _Dune_ "Sane? Doesn't sound much like a word you'd use, Bryce..." --Ashitaka "Microsoft thrashed by silicon neatness, 412 the geekiest!" --Prezzey "Linux: Where don't we want to go today?" --Pancrazio de Mauro "A little metal-cutting/drilling is good for the soul." --Robert Bernardo "I can see beyond the eyes. A sometimes unfortunate gift." --Kwai Chang Caine "Anywhere is walking distance if you've got the time." --Steven Wright "Neo-pragmatism: 1+1=2... get with the program." --Sean the Hairy Jedi "A complex system that works is invariably found to have evovled from a simple system that worked." --John Gall, _Systemantics_ "Anger is a weapon only to one's opponent." --Unknown "The best-laid plans of mice and megalomaniacs always go awry." --Jake Horsley "If you have time to cry, why not laugh instead?" --Japanese saying "He's not a total dick. He just has moments of asshole." --Lyssa "What part of 'evil gloves' do you not understand?!" --Jackie Chan's grandfather, _Jackie Chan Adventures_ "On the Internet, no one knows you're using Windows NT." --Ramiro Estrugo (at least until you bluescreen) "The smut must flow." --Lyssa "Things just can't get odd enough for me." --David Lynch "David's vision is very, very bizarre because, I think, he's a very bizarre person. He's not normal. He's out of somewhere... out of left field. The reason I'm doing Dune is to work with David Lynch." --Sting, on the making of _Dune_ "A beginning is a time for taking the most delicate care that the balances are correct." --Princess Irulan, _Dune_ "When I marry, I want it to be for love." "Ah, a radical?" -- Vir Kotto and Lyndisty, _Babylon 5: Sic Transit Vir_ "When spiders unite they can tie up a lion." --Ethiopian proverb "Our children can see the otherworld in their dreams. The children of the otherworld see this one in their nightmares." --Unknown "The idealist should become a realist, fewer ulcers that way and less frustration in the long run." --Th'Elf To the man who only has a screwdriver in the toolkit, every problem looks screwed. "To know and yet think we do not know is the highest attainment. Not to know and yet think we do know is a disease." --Lao-tzu "If hostility kept families from eating together, the whole world would starve." --Dana, _His Brother's Keeper_ "Most of what affects our lives happens in our absence." --Salman Rushdie "You should have known better than to argue Correspondence with a Virtual Adept." --Alexius "Life's a bitch... cause if it was a slut, it would be easy." --Ryan Trust your cynicism. "The world is run by idiots because they're more efficient than hamsters." --Anonymous *clears throat noisily* "Drunk people! Pay attention!" --Unknown speaker, Summercon 2003 "I'm a diplomat! I failed flight school!" --John Parker, _The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai_ "Let's hear it for the network layer! Give up some love!" --Redpantz, Summercon 2003 "Dude, I think you're drinking too much up there." "'s okay, I've got another beer. *sip*" --Max Power & Redpantz, Summercon 2003 "Probably botched that. Bad Catholic - no wafer." --Lyssa "When the score starts copping Igor Stravinsky and Philip Glass, the pretension just begs to be beaten with a sheaf of batons." --Philip Graham, on _The Matrix Reloaded_ "You are one sick puppy." --George Noory "What do you get when you cross an angel with a devil? A human." --Anonymous "Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see." --Anonymous "Let me tell you once more You're the one I adore You're my C-64!" --Press Play On Tape, _Comic Bakery (Larger Than Pop Boyband mix)_ UNIX: Because rebooting is for adding new hardware. "The measure of a man is what happens when nothing works and you got the guts to go on." --Randall "Tex" Cobb "Only when lions get to write history will hunters cease to be heroes." --African proverb "Quite frankly, I found it mostly interesting in a Jerry Springer kind of way. White trash battling it out in public, throwing chairs at each other. SCO crying about IBM's other women. ... Fairly entertaining." --Linus Torvalds, on the SCO-vs-IBM lawsuit "'GPL' is not a synonym for 'I can do whatever I want.'" --Anonymous "Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral." --Rev. Lovejoy, _The Simpsons_ "You know, it seems that two out of three times practising technomancy have resulted in 'x has blown up', which his resulted in migranes for anyone else involved. This is mildly disconcerting." --Lyssa "See? I could be Giles' schoolgirl in five seconds!" --Lyssa "Live the life you've imagined." --Henry David Thoreau "The symbols of the divine initially show up at the trash stratum." --Philip K. Dick "YOUR SEEKER HAS BEEN SPLASHED WITH A HIGHLY CORROSIVE ACID" --Game over message from _Nonterraqueous_ for the C-64 I'm just an O(n) person in an O(log(e, n)) world. "Four boxes to be used in defense of liberty and religious freedom: Soap, ballot, jury, and ammo. Use in that order." --Unknown "Man's emancipation depends on his own realisation of the Truth, and not on the benevolent grace of a god or any external power as a reward for his obedient good behaviour." "Eris provides. Often unexpectedly, but She provides." --The Doctor "Yeah, I'm bi--But I'm *NOT* attracted to YOU." --The Crisses (who hit the nail right on the head) "Alas, Poor Weekend-With-The-house-All-To-My-Self, I Barely Knew Ye. May You Rest In Pieces." --Alexius "Nothing says 'love' like two tonnes of construction equipment upside the head." --Patrick "I think, deep inside, he'd feel a real connection with a Real Doll." --Nicole "Mer, I am your giant sucking sound." --Vertigo "They broke your mecha. Now it's badass." --Vertigo (to Catherine) "Young archmages always make a tasty treat." --Patrick "Ooh, look! Paradox in my crotch!" "You must've gotten some." --Patrick and Jason "Vengeance is nice but there's always next round." --Heavy Metal "Your crotch would fire more explosive rounds than mine!" --Vertigo "_Matrix Reloaded_ makes _Highlander 2_ look like fucking _Casablanca_." --Ferrett "How do you expect to run the universe if you can't handle a few unsolvable problems?" --Flynn, _Tron_ "Okay, I really don't hate very much about JavaScript. It's pretty good for manipulating DOM elements, and I really like bookmarklets. Working around browser bugs and incompatibilities scarred me for life, though." --Chromatic "How was I supposed to know blunt honesty worked?!" --Dave, _Real Life Comics_ "Brain-damage is close to organisational godliness." --Rialian Militant omnivore: If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of a complete breakfast. "The future is inevitable and precise, but it may not occur." --Jorge Luis Borges "I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we've created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image." --Stephen Hawking "Okay, who died and made you the Goddess to decide what is and isn't a 'proper' religion? Hell, *football* is a religion in this town!" --Lupa "You accidentally spilled Flash on your resume'." --Lowmagnet to Seele "The time has come for all to see that life is what one makes of it. That life is a series of moments one must treasure. Not to treasure them is to miss out on life itself. Life is meant for one to indulge in one's own obsessions, for not to indulge is to deprive... and to deprive is to sadden one's own being." --Lord Egan "Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes." --P. J. O'Rourke: All the Trouble in the World The grass is always greener when it's Astroturf. "I see all this potential, and I see you squandering it. Goddammit, an entire generation pumping gas--waiting tables--slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy SHIT we-don't-need. We're the middle children of history; no purpose-- no place. We have no Great War, no Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires and movie gods and rock stars, but we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." --Tyler's soliloquy (one of many), _Fight Club_ "The perfect world is a world without lag. A world without lag is a world without people." --Seele Varcuzzo "A mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its former shape." --Oliver Wendell Holmes "Back to shopping and entertainment. We're the Simpsons nation." --Seaweb "Let every one walk in the way of their gods, and let us walk together in peace." --Thomas Potter, A.A., A.S. "Jesus saves. God makes tape backups." --Dante, _Angst Technologies_ "I'm a conundrum wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a puzzle, carrying the wallet that says Bad Muthafucka." --Tankdilla "The fatal flaw in every plan is the assumption that you know more than your adversary." --KaryAnna Thorson "I know I'm a geek because I get *really* excited when I open a box of college text books..." --The Crisses "Learning curve encryption is much more powerful than elliptical curve encryption." --Alan Olsen "Now that I think of it, O'Reilly is to a system administrator as a shoulder length latex glove is to a veterinarian." --Peter da Silva "Mock me now, instrument of the void. But playtime is over." --Largo, _Megatokyo_ "I don't like being called ''Mags''. Those are what I put ammo in." --Magdalene Meretrix "Own only what you can carry with you; know language, know countries, know people. Let your memory be your travel bag." --Alexander Solzhenitsyn "If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?" --Albert Einstein "A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation." --H.H.Hunro Anybody is going to pay more attention to their fitness instructor if she's got a riding crop in her hand. "If ecstasy is our true nature, why do we think we have to die to go to heaven? If life is a celebration, why is it taking so long to get to the party?" --Margo Anand, _The Art of Everyday Ecstasy_ "My aim is to prevent people from being killed, and you happen to be my current assignment. But not only do I want to keep you alive, I want to know who wants you dead. So why don't we just continue this ludicrous working relationship with the same goals in mind, hmmm?" --Oliver Sampson, _VR.5_ "I am the Golden Apple of Ann Arbor. All acts of hedonism, kink, and geekdom are my rituals." --Lyssa "It was a realization that here is a whole realm of physical experience that just doesn't fit in the current framework. Why wasn't that part of what we were taught? We had a chance to look around the immediate world - a world so mundane it was wonderful - and understand something." --James Crutchfield "Perhaps we should believe in magic." --Heinz-Otto Peitgen and Peter H. Richter, on finding the Mandelbrot set inside a magnetisation phase diagramme by accident "..as a grammatical construct: That. Sucks. Ass." --Lyssa Heartsong "Perhaps Sekhmet and Tiamat should join forces and become some large MECHA, or something..." --Diablo "To risk sloganeering, I say you need to hold the keys to your own computer." --Whitfield Diffie, on Microsoft Palladium/NGSCB "None of what I've said in this class is a personal opinion. Most of it was for shock value." --Zach Nearman "Dr. D.'ll lap it up like a cat!" --Dr. DiBartolomeo, out of context (because I can't remember the context...) "Big whorls have little whorls Which feed on their velocity, And little whorls have lesser whorls And so on to viscosity." --Lewis F. Richardson Comments should be like skirts. Short enough to keep your attention, but long enough to cover the subject. "We also can be confident in the ways of Providence, even when they are far from our understanding." --George W. Bush, National Prayer Breakfast, Washington, D.C., 02-06-2003 "I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker." --Adolph Hitler, Munich, Germany, 03-15-1946 "The west won the world not by the superiority of its ideas or values or religion but rather by its superiority in applying organized violence. Westerners often forget this fact, non-westerners never do." --Samuel P. Huntington "If all of your peers understand what you've done, you havn't been creative." --Dr. Henry Heimlich "It's a fine testament to the quality of Pitt's computer science program that graduating seniors don't know how to use 'reply' instead of 'reply all' for something like this." --Christian Mason "It's not how many mages you got, it's how you abuse 'em!" --Vertigo "So shines a good deed in a weary world." --Willy Wonka "A long and wicked life followed by five minutes of perfect grace gets you into Heaven. An equally long life of decent living and good works followed by one outburst of taking the name of the Lord in vain - then have a heart attack at that moment and be damned for eternity. Is that the system?" --Robert A. Heinlein "Agent Smith is back, and he's pissed." --Steve Silberman, on _The Matrix Reloaded_ "It's not personal." --Al Capone "What blinds us, or makes historical progress very difficult, is our lack of awareness that our beliefs have grown obsolete and should be put aside.... This is I think much of the problem of the modern dilemma: Direct experience has been discounted, and in its place all kinds of belief systems have been erected.... If you believe something, you are automatically precluded from believing its opposite; which means that a degree of your human freedom has been forfeited in the act of committing yourself to this belief." --Terrence McKenna "You need something to frighten people with, to prevent them from paying attention to what's really happening to them." --Noam Chomsky "Go without hate but not without rage." --Paul Monette "Never mock the cookie." --Grandfather, _Jackie Chan Adventures_ "A man will say anything when he's wearing a mask." --Oscar Wilde "Cultures with the fewest objects live in the Dreamtime." --Terrence McKenna "Anyone want some slightly used orange juice?" --Erasmus C. Anderson "We're all lab rats. Some of us just realise it." --Mr.O "No good deed goes unpunished." --Clair Booth Luce "Maybe computer science should be in the College of Theology." --R.S. Barton "Don't take this personally.." --Katsuragi Misato, _End of Evangelion_ "What about the Rimmer directive, which states to never tangle with anything that has more teeth than the Osmond family?" --Arnold J. Rimmer, _Red Dwarf_ WWKD? (What Would Kosh Do?) If copying from one person is plagiarism, why is copying from many people research? Many suggestions Confusion reigns within Read the manpage --Alexandros Papadopoulos "I bet the human brain is a kludge." --Marvin Minsky "Conjecture has become fact, and rumour has become history." --Unseen Narrator, _Serial Experiments Lain_ "Faith is good, but skepticism is better." --Giuseppe Verdi Dynamic linking error: Your mistake is now everywhere. "If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce." --Winston Churchill "If I wanted to be popular, I'd have written a Star Trek novel." --John DeVito Never underestimate the power of what people _want_ to believe. "Oh, go back to your PC." --Matthew Monchalin "'Think' is not a four-letter word." --Marshall Cline "Godless, feminist, baby-killing queers turn me on... especially if they wield whips." --Lyssa Heartsong "At the beginning of the week, we sealed ten BSD programmers into a computer room with a single distribution of BSD Unix. Upon opening the room after seven days, we found all ten programmers dead, clutching each others' throats, and thirteen new flavors of BSD." --Unknown, found on xiph.org The light at the end of the carpal tunnel is just your optical mouse. "PA == Pittsburgh on one end, Philadelphia on the other, Alabama in the middle." --Lyssa Heartsong "It is never too late to be what you might have been." --George Eliot "Talk is the bastard redheaded stepchild of email and the telephone." --Geoff Miller You know you're a geek if your home network has two or more computers whose only connections are ethernet and power. "The answer: 42.42. The bill: 46.46. Hey! 42.42 + 4.04!" "Meaning of life - 404, not found." --Patrick & Bryce "I don't want to hurt him. I just want him dead." --Nicole "I think we need to put a magic shield on my pants." --Jason, as Vertigo "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, France is accusing the US of being arrogant, and Germany doesn't want to go to war." --Lewis Black "So, what _about_ a crack ho?" --Dr. DiBartolomeo "The price of getting what you want is getting what you once wanted." --Neil Gaiman "That's just great. We find (Richard C.) Hoagland's breath mints for him and Big Foot takes off with them!" --TerrasHelm "Dammit, why won't his pants disintegrate?!" --Azure "All creatures will make merry under pain of death." --from _Flash Gordon_ "It has a philosophy, and that is what makes it dangerous." --Marsha, _Videodrome_ "They say hunger is the best spice." --Spike Spiegel, _Cowboy Bebop_ "There is no safeword for George Bush!" --Lyssa Gorbachev's Razor: Trust but verify. "Ostrich: The other red meat." --Kenshin "Find the others." --Timothy Leary "The only difference between a computer and a psychedelic was one was too large to swallow. Well, great progress has been made in twelve months..." --Terrence McKenna "Don't think of them as peas, think of them as larval Pac-men." --Unknown "We do not take from this universe, it grants what it will." --Frank Herbert, _Dune Messiah_ "Goodness alone is never enough. A hard, cold wisdom is required for goodness to accomplish good. Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil." --Robert A. Heinlein, _Stranger in a Strange Land_ "Would you hold my camel?" --Puff "They said you would sleep for half a millennium -- not an unreasonable length of time, considering you'd be in limited cryogenic suspension. Your body would rest frozen at the planet's nerve center, an underground complex 20 miles beneath the surface. Your brain, they told you, would be wired to a network of computers; your mind would continue to operate at a minimal level, overseeing maintenance of surface-side equilibrium. And you would not awake, so they promised, until your 500 years had elapsed -- barring, of course, the most dire emergency. "Then, and only then, you would be awakened to save your planet by strategically manipulating six robots, each of whom perceives the world differently. But such a catastrophe, you have been assured, could not possibly occur. "Good morning." --Flavor text for _Suspended_ by Infocom "With a name like Manos, it just has to suck." --John "This is the forked-tongue pigeon.. this is the Easter Island pigeon.." --Dr. John Ramirez "Ok. Not my kink.. I eat octopus--I do not fuck it." --Lyssa Heartsong "Canines are carnivorous! Remember that, you little runt!" --Inu-Yasha "I hate my job; don't push your luck." --things you never want to see on a police officer's t-shirt "Always this emphasis on performance... a Jedi craves not these things, only affordability." --Anonymous, on buying a laptop "Jesus needs ranch dressing. I much prefer matzah." --Steven McGraw "Yesterday's technology today.. for a better tomorrow!" --Dave Ross "I am what I am, and I don't think Betty Ford takes vampires." --Nick, _Forever Knight_ "Shalom Echelon, mah nishmah?" (Hi, Echelon, what's up?) "Interdimensional Fortress Hammerschlag?? Doesn't have quite the right ring to it." --John "Ever notice that 'what the hell' is always the right decision?" --Marilyn Monroe "To hear, one must be silent." --Mictian "If _I_ can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought." --Unknown "If you optimize everything, you will always be unhappy." --Donald Knuth "I am Jack's supposedly fictitious alter ego." --The Crisses "I am not an atomic playboy!" --from _Second Reality_, by Future Crew "Someone call Guinness. I'm going from zero to drunk in twenty dollars." --Ian Morgan "If Geiger counter does not click, the coffee, she is just not thick." --Pitr, _User Friendly_ Orpheus sang his best in Hell. "The more you learn, the less you find innocent." --The Daemon "KA-BOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!" --3 litre bottle at Triumvirpalooza '95 Artificial Intelligence: Making computers act the way they do in the movies. "My format: Guardian. To mend and defend." --Bob, _ReBoot_ "Searching.. seeking the one true rhythm." --DJ Deadly Buda Roller skating is not a crime! "Reach out and offend someone!" --Zard Biomatrix "I'm just gonna save CNN the time and money and stick close to home." --Pegritz "There's more than one way." --Psykosonik, _Unlearn_ "If you can't understand it your teachers are inadequate." --Arifel "I've done... questionable things. Nothing the God of Biomechanics wouldn't let you into heaven for." --Roy Batty, _Bladerunner_ "America Online. Serving America's blank disc needs." --Kurt Harland, 1996 I didn't believe in reincarnation the last time, either. "Turn up the power! This is the hour! From every tower! A million watts of love!" --Information Society, _1,000,000 Watts of Love_ "Was that her top?" "One handed." "Difficulty rating..." "..seven." --from _Hackers_ Profanity is the one language all programmers know best. "Bad Antichrist! Bad antichrist! Turn that off!" --Art Bell "That which does not kill us only makes us stranger." --Trevor Goodchild The meek shall inherit the earth; but by that time there won't be anything left worth inheriting. "Company crisis equals consumer charity!" --Yaz, _Angst Technologies_ "If we don't exist, why do we pay taxes?" --Gus Steeves "Christs come and go, but Caesars are forever!" --Frater AChDAE "Security is overrated. I leave my secureID laying on my desk. My boss always gives me s*** about it. Like anyone would wanna hack our cache of Snoopy GIFs". --A MetLife IT employee who shall remain anonymous "It's all right, everyone I know speaks typo." --Alexius Pendragon "A lady pointed at my suede jacket and sneered, 'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I replied: 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.'" --Unknown "He [Pegritz] is not allowed to date Her [Lain]. I am not ready for the Second Coming yet. Some evolution I CAN'T keep up without without serious drugs." --Lyssa Heartsong "Stand back! I've got an open power supply and I'm not afraid to do something stupid with it!" --Matthew Carpenter "Then again... Lys is someone for whom the nature channel = ONE BIG FUCKING MENU." --Lyssa Heartsong "You know my father! Everything's fire and brimstone with him!" --Koenma, _Yu Yu Hakusho_ "Red Alert! He needs tech support!" --Optimus Prime, _Transformers Armada_ "It's like a game of whack-a-port." --Mark Dalrymple "I wouldn't be a Leatherman. I'd be a disk notcher." --Jason Scott, textfiles.com "The profile on the perpetrator is that he is a seven foot tall ex-basketball player, hindu guru, drag queen alien." --Jet Black, _Cowboy Bebop_ "I love the smell of learning something new in the morning." --Hagbard "Curiosity was framed; ignorance killed the cat." --Anonymous "We all know - the Times knows - but we pretend we don't." --Virginia Woolf, _Monday or Tuesday_ "Dammit, Bryce, your virus code broke down even *my* godlike firewall!" *dies* --Jason Marlor, on the cold I gave him "If you think that _The Matrix_ is a new concept, you DON'T GET IT." --Flatline "It's only shockin' if yer rockin' like DOKKEN!" --Chris Rapier "Must not use Bardic power for evil.. must not use Bardic power for evil.. that only gets me.. laid." --Lyssa "You can call me anything as long as it's rated PG-13." --Dr. John Ramirez "The Bush administration thanks you for your apathy." --Anonymous "There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence." --Jeremy S. Anderson "Are they bowling?" --Dr. Lisa DiBartolomeo "Politicians, like bombers, seldom see their victims." --Dr. Donald Boudreaux, _Losing Touch_ "I noticed that whenever it was fouronthefloor the ladies started paying attention and even shaking booty. Which leads me to conjecture: no thud, no women - so the reason for the thud is SEX." --Manny Theiner, on electro music Java: The COBOL of the new millennium. "A stranger world than this I fear I have yet to visit." --Samurai Jack "**SFS 07/05/96** Third day. Still no sign of an indented IF. Food and water is running out and the bearers are getting restless. I think Carruthers is going mad..." --Shane Smith on proper code indentation, in comp.os.vms A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry. Microsoft Palladium - Where the Hell do you think YOU'RE going today? "Here's a secret: If you shave a Tribble you get a Pac-Man." --Jason Marlor "We can factor the number 15 with quantum computers. We can also factor the number 15 with a dog trained to bark three times." --Robert Harley "What? Chuck Norris Revolution?!" --Jason Marlor "Play those thighs!" --Lowmagnet "If you ever think about killing yourself, masturbate. You'll thank yourself for it later. 'There IS a reason to live after all!'" --David Withun "It's not stupid, it's... advanced." "Every generation has to have its Dolph Lundgren." --Anonymous Hacking's just another word for 'nothing left to kludge'. "Okay.. everybody else roll against Mind.." "Three." "Five." "Why?" "The two of you notice that dumbass here has the NERV insignia on his jacket." (laughter..) --During a BESM game set in the world of Lain "Isn't there a Cleopatra tribute to Alphaville by now or something?" --Manny Theiner "The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system." --Marvin Minsky "Socrates was banished for his views. I expect no less from our 'modern' society." --Anonymous "The era of which we can laugh is over." -Ochiai Nobuhiko Beware the DOSferatu: The Children of the Byte, who reboot from the grave. "There is nothing like running over everyone with a bus." --Valen Mmmm... dark Jedi circular saw... "Do they have a http://willingvictims.meetup.com/?" --Griffer "Just a failure of chemistry." --Dr. Schrenker Gray's Law of Programming: `n+1' trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished in the same time as `n' tasks. Logg's Rebuttal to Gray's Law: `n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as `n' trivial tasks. "Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson." --_Hybrid_ by Machinae Supremacy "I think it's a beautiful day to go to the zoo and feed the ducks. To the lions." --Brian Kantor "I think we're on the verge of a theorem here." --Kirk van Lehn "The person doing the DoS has to bring his equipment up to the target, which makes (the) attacker vulnerable to BBRS (baseball bat restoration of service)." --Digsig, regarding a DoS attack on 802.11a "As you can see I've come a long way from the beach and the talking car." --David Hasselhoff "Childhood's over the minute you know you're going to die." --James O'Barr "Destiny does not value wisdom in her champions." --Renfri "The road to truth is long, and lined the entire way with annoying bastards." "In a time of universal lies, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." --George Orwell "I didn't fail, I just found 10,000 other ways that didn't work." --Anonymous "Ooh. Sinus floss." --Jason Marlor "I'm sorry, I only speak muskrat fluently." --Patrick Ivins "In some circles I've been known to be an oracle... that makes me qualified to pause thoughtfully and go 'hmmm...'" --Unknown, stolen from someone's .signature "Ugly.. mollusc... in.. Speedo.. stretch marks.. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" --User Friendly, 20021205 "Peace, love, and twinkies in the middle!" --Alex Downs "By way of deception, thou shalt do war." "Will the last person to leave the (Newton) platform please turn off the backlight?" --Paul Guyot "It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical?" --Alan Perlis "How clever of me. I have found such a pathway into hell that I can never get back out." Life isn't fair, but having the root password helps. "Newton. It's the Palm with a brain." --Grant Hutchinson "You're yourself. Don't try to fit into a label. Transcend species." --Bladeless Axe "With many eyes, all bugs can be ignored in favour of skinning." --GTK+ design philosophy "I have to admit that Crypto++'s build/port problems suck, a lot. I still have a weird fondness for it (Stockholm Syndrome?)." --Zooko "You can fool enough of the people enough of the time." --Anonymous "For science, the most important phenomenon in the universe is the move toward heat, death, and entropy. Physicists barely notice that life represents an amazing and persistent exception to the rule that all thermodynamic systems run down. Life has achieved the miracle of a stability far from entropy through the miracle of metabolism." --Terrence McKenna Regarding the Homeland Security Act: None of your fucking business, Poindexter. "Always make new mistakes." --Esther Dyson "RMS is the Jerry Springer of open source software." --Anonymous "Canada... where we do more with less." --Th'Elf "A failure of intelligence by you does not justify reducing the civil liberties of us." --Elstun "Do I look like SMTP to you, motherfucker?!" --Genetik "Fight Megaman! For everlasting peace!" --finale text of Megaman for the NES "Thelma and Louise are kicking your ass, pal!" --the.Silicon.Dragon "People that offend me don't deserve my breath or my time." --ClassyEvil Cypherpunks: Civil liberty through complex mathematics. Those who live by the sword die by the arrow. "What is most magnificent about this world is people who, with their feet firmly on the ground, wholeheartedly live out their lives every day. They get up early every day, go to school every day, work every day, cry and laugh and worry and suffer, living wholeheartedly in reality." --Sakurazuka Seishiro, _Tokyo Babylon_ "The government can now do legally what it was doing illegally. Big fucking deal." --Nickco "He would be a coward who withdrew from the challenges, sacrifices, and dangers his people had to endure. But he would be no less a coward and traitor who betrayed the principles of the life of the mind to material interests - who, for example, left the decision on the product of two times two to the rulers. It is treason to sacrifice love of truth, intellectual honesty, loyalty to the laws and methods of the mind, to any other interests, including those of one's country. Whenever propaganda and the conflict of interests threatens to devalue, distort, and do violence to truth as it has already done to individuals, to language, to the arts, and to everything else that is organic and highly cultivated, then it is our duty to resist and save the truth, or rather the striving for truth, since that is the supreme article in our creed. The scholar who knowingly speaks, writes, or teaches falsehood, who knowingly supports lies and deceptions, not only violates organic principles. He also, no matter how things may seem at the given moment, does his people a grave disservice. He corrupts its air and soil, its food and drink; he poisons its thinking and its laws, and he gives aid and comfort to the hostile, evil forces that threaten the nation with annihilation." --Hermann Hesse, _Magister Ludi_ "Ain't no direction faster than downhill." --Aleris "Only humans treat each other as if they were not human." --unknown Slashdot poster (not necessarily...) "When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is metaphysics." --Voltaire "I'm a very dangerous fellow when I don't know what I'm doing." --my namesake "Fiat veritas pereat vita." (Let there be truth, and may life perish.) --Friedrich Nietzsche "It is a foolish man who disregards the coming of the chicken-cow." --Synthetic "Neo's just another l337 h@x0r." --Aeon, on _The Matrix_ "Here it comes....did you get it? I just sent you a Reiki nose lick." --Butterfly "One person's 'Duh!' is another person's 'Huh?'" --Ride-My-Rocket "Live life, and thou shalt live forever." --Egyptian Book of the Dead "I resent this. Most of the lawyers I meet in open source circles know a lot more than 'jack' about code. Some of us even wrote lots of code in prior careers. We're just frustrated engineers who wanted to make our parents proud by going to law school." --Larry Rosen "If you're not Canadian, try harder." --unknown "High Magick is more so because it calls upon one to focus inward, not outward." --Stormbolt Dragon "If you have 2 rabbits in a grassy field, they'll eat and breed and soon you'll have 10 rabbits who will eat and breed. Soon there will be 100, then 1000 rabbits, eating, fucking, breeding. Then the grass will run out and you'll probably have no rabbits left. (environmental) Activism is about ensuring we don't run out of grass." --Sean the Hairy Jedi "Unfortunately, not everyone writing in C knows the language." --Perry Metzger "What it really needs is the addition of a #pragma dont_remove_this_code_you_bastard in the compiler." --Monty Solomon, in RISKS-DIGEST "Abstractions are fine, but I think people also have to breathe air and eat bread." --Hermann Hesse, _Magister Ludi_ "Bada bing. Bada bing. Bada Chernobyl." --DesertFox "That ugly saxophone has been burned into my brain." --Martin Koch of Press Play On Tape "How does Forces-3 Prime-2 strike you?" "I hope it doesn't." --Bryce to Patrick, OOC, House of the Unknown "I am a reformed Jedi! I do not believe in midichlorians!" --ConColor "If you get something like 'Server: Microsoft-IIS/6.0' you know what kind of Internet worms they support." --Mark Dalrymple "Wow! He-Man doesn't look like he should be at Pegasus anymore!" --Alexius Pendragon "Information functions by always being in motion." --Lain of the Wired "Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge." --Thay "All bsod bugs are ironic." --JWZ "Truth can never be told so as to be understood, and not be believed." --William Blake "If there's a nuclear war the fucking Internet is going to be the least of my worries. E-commerce, web services, and XML can all kiss my ass." --Jonny Ringo "The fact that human communication is used to plan terrorist attacks, does not mean we should fight human communication." --evbergen "I'm afraid I can't do that. And now you must listen to stories about my cat." --Bladeless Axe "Area-51 is real. The Air Force doesn't exist." --seen on a bumper sticker "Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people; from presidents and kings to the scum of the Earth..." Never send a machine to do a VA's job. "A human is a gametes' way of making more gametes. Cool abilities don't count in evolution if they don't lead to more grandchildren." --Ben Waggoner "I'm trying to help protect the Internet against bad guys. I hope it's true that the government is going to stop interfering in my work." --Daniel J. Bernstein "Reliability means never having to say you're sorry." --Daniel J. Bernstein "Remember the power of the Spell-Checker!" --Rialian (again) "Remember the power of the changing of the subject line." --Rialian "When you see the ping of death, duck and cover." --Bruce Schneier, 15 October 2002 Crypto-Gram newsletter "We see the world as we are, not as it is." --Zen proverb "Could somebody drag the Irix team kicking and screaming into the 1980's, please? I realize it might be quite painful for them, but maybe you could buy them a disco tape so they'd feel a little bit more at home." --Linus Torvalds "I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering." --Pooh-Bah, _The Mikado_ "It's the Barney Alien Autopsy!" --China "If it's theft to listen to music before buying it, then it's theft to refuse returns on albums that suck." --NanoGator "You have to be polite to your livestock when it's armed and dangerous." --Alaric, on beekeeping "..on the essential and central core of faith, science will of necessity be silent. But its silence will be the silence of humility, not the silence of disdain. A belief may be larger than a fact. A faith that is overdefined is the very faith most likely to prove inadequate to the great moments of life." --Vannevar Bush I can be very proper. I just prefer to be honest. "Documentation is worth it just to be able to answer all your mail with 'RTFM'." --Alan Cox "Everything is permissible, but not everything is expedient." --1 Corinthians 6:12 "Trying to keep the world intelligent, one Monday at a time." --Alexius Pendragon There are two kinds of people who don't talk much. One kind likes to keep quiet and think about nothing good; the other kind of person knows not to say much because he is always thinking and his actions will be based on his thoughts and experiences. "Happy place found. But still not quite happy." --Dom of Megatokyo Angels - the swiss army knives of the gods. Of course it would take a deity to design a swiss army knife that was semi-sentient, about as single minded as a monofilament machete and then gave it the power resources of a small star and the attitude of one suffering from a recently ignited flammable steel suppository. Have you given a Gyft lately? http://www.gyft.org/ "Let then know exactly what you're going to do, and then hope that they overreact." --Mohandas Ghandi "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." --Isasc Asimov "The revolution will not be televised, but it will probably have a crappy web-page." --mingofmongo "Is it better to abide by the rules until they're changed or help speed the change by breaking them?" --aliver (maybe) "It seems the power has been robbed from the founding fathers and is now firmly in the hand of the funding fathers." --Rik van Riel "As the Americans learned so painfully in Earth's final century, free flow of information is the only safeguard against tyranny. The once-chained people whose leaders at last lose their grip on information flow will soon burst with freedom and vitality, but the free nation gradually constricting its grip on public discourse has begun its rapid slide into despotism. Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master." --Commissioner Pravin Lal, from Sid Meier's _Alpha Centauri_ "Assembly makes me weep openly." --Lowmagnet "Yes. Sadly. This is the true test of my faith. Of all His creations and mysteries... there was no excuse for Jerry Lewis." --Seaweb "Remember, it's a great, big disco world." --Kurt Harland "Hugh, the ninjas are totally reliable in house. But they do covert ops like infants on pixie sticks. Without the motor skills." --Dante, _Angst Technologies_ Steinbach's guideline for systems programming: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. "We did a risk management review. We concluded that there was no risk of any management." --Dilbert Beware big cats clustered around an empty coffee urn. "After Baby Jessica got trapped in that hole, private disasters became mini-series for TV, and private citizens began playing to the cameras. The 9/11 victims think they are getting closer to the truth by baring it all, but what we are seeing is a whole distortion of what they are actually experiencing. It's really more like a farce." --Frank Megna, founder, Working Stage Theater Progress over protocol. "The chaos of our lives suited me; I don't think I wanted it to end." --Tom Baker "Kindness is the beginning of cruelty." --Paul Muad'dib, _Dune_ "I'm redeemed through anime." --Randy Terpstra "The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because it is so shallow." --Anonymous "Curious George and the Really Big Strap-on." --Kai "Perl is Internet Yiddish." --Yoz Graehme "Friction: Every fourteen year old's best friend." --Scott Sun Microsystems: The network IS the average system load. Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate. The life expectancy of those who contract it is approximately 72 years. "I don't know whether I am Turing dreaming that I am a machine, or a machine dreaming that I am Turing!" --Geoffrey James and Seth Robertson, _The Tao of Programming_ "I'm not very good at folding things." --K.K. Larson Colvard's Logical Premise: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't. "...it's hard to appear evil when you're ticklish everywhere." --Julie Harding "Eurrrreeeeeeeekaaaaa, motheeeerrrrrrrrrrr fuckeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrr!!" --Minerva Mayflower, _Hudson Hawk_ "In bed, she talks about Reiser(fs), and I get a riser." --the.Silicon.Dragon "I am anti-life, the beast of judgement. I am the dark at the end of everything. The end of universes, of gods, of worlds...everything. And what will you be then, dreamlord?" "I am hope." --Choronzon and Morpheus, _Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes_ "If one is to treat the body as a temple...then I choose to hang pictures in mine." --Fern Dragonstar "Because a 24 year old is a terrible thing to waste." --the.Silicon.Dragon Don't veil your vices in virtuous words. "Dodging around something gives it the power of fear." "There are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something." --Thomas Alva Edison "I do not look up any patents on _principle_, because (a) it's a horrible waste of time and (b) I don't want to know. "The fact is, technical people are better off not looking at patents. If you don't know what they cover and where they are, you won't be knowingly infringing on them. If somebody sues you, you change the algorithm or you just hire a hit-man to whack the stupid git." --Linus Torvalds "Psychology is just reverse-engineering people." --C.B. "Anteaters: The only animals with ground effects." --ConColor "I'd tell you, but then the DMCA would require me to kill you." --Anonymous Coward on Slashdot "Evil is a good career choice. It has a lot to offer." --M.Bison, _Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie_ "So let me get this straight. "Allowing unpriveleged processes to send control messages to priveleged processes is not a flaw in the Win32 API because there is a mechanism for applications to protect themselves from this type of attack (alternate Windows Stations/Desktops). "But the mechanism effectively prevents the priveleged processes from providing a GUI because the user won't be able to actually see the alternate Windows Stations/Desktops without some kind of Station switching tool, and/or extra training in how to do this. "So, the result is that no applications actually use this mechanism. "What part of 'this is broken' doesn't make sense?" --Chris Calabrese Jack Valenti is to the American film viewer and the American public as the Boston strangler is to the woman home alone. Lizzie Borden took an axe, And plunged it deep into the VAX; Don't you envy people who Do all the things YOU want to do? When two tigers fight, one dies and the other is crippled. I am root. If you hear me swearing, save your work and check your backups. (You do have backups, don't you?) "Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year." --Unknown "Danny DeVito. Ron Jeremy. _Twins II_" --Allan "Backwards compatibility is nice, but preserving every undocumented quirk that nobody sane would use ... Sorry, but we really need an addition to errno.h: EBITEME. Exactly for such cases." --Alexander Viro "Done. For future reference - don't anybody else try to send patches as vi scripts, please. Yes, it's manly, but let's face it, so is bungee-jumping with the cord tied to your testicles." --Linus Torvalds, regarding the dcache scalability patch "Do what you feel in your heart to be right for you'll be criticized anyway." --Eleanor Roosevelt I must not drink decaf. Decaf is the mind-killer. Decaf is the little death that brings witlessness. I will face the pot of decaf. I will allow the decaf to pass over the rim of my mug and into the sink. And when it has gone past I will turn my inner eye to find the bastard who put decaf in the wrong coffee pot this morning. When the decaf has gone there will be only grounds. Only true arabica blend will remain. "Oh, yea, right, because the code is signed, magic pixie dust, poof, there are no buffer overflows." --MFR "I like hearing you say that nothing's going on. That means that there's nothing in an emergency state. I hate it when you're the voice of you're-really-screwed-now." --Ludyte "I ran into this bug (yes, I'll call it a bug) in Norton a few months ago. I can only say that there is a special circle in hell reserved for companies which _silently_ disable security measures in order to let their product carry out a procedure (especially a redundant procedure)." --Greg Owen on BUGTRAQ-L "Dodge the bullets or carry the gun. The choice is yours." --Apollo Smile "It is always refreshing to hear people humble themselves and ask not for help but resources for how to learn. In this 'industry/community' there is WAY too much ego for so LITTLE talent." --yatima on the vuln-dev mailing list, regarding someone asking on the list for pointers to good references and not outright help "The lunatic asylums are full of people who went seeking the extraordinary before they had any real competence at handling the ordinary." --Aliester Crowley Carson's Consolation: Nothing is ever a complete failure. It can always be used as a bad example. "Not propaganda, goodfacts, as opposed to realfacts. Facts the government has endorsed." "Perl combines all of the worst aspects of BASIC, C and line noise." --Keith Packard "There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network." --Anonymous "Yahoo needs to eat more fibre or something." --Anonymous "Be vewy, vewy quiet -- we'we hunting wootkits." --Karl A. Krueger Occam's Eraser: Destroy evidence until the remains fit your theory. "Getting caught is the mother of invention." Work like you're gonna get fired, dance like Hunter S. Thompson. "A smart rocket can come from a thousand klicks away to kill you; it doesn't care and it won't be in the least upset that it has blasted you to atomic debris. That's the real horror of modern war, that it is impersonal. Being cut with a sword hurts, and if you are close enough to do it, you can't miss the other's pain. [.] If you shoot a man across a field or even a room, you don't get the full impact of what you've done. Facing an opponent one-on-one, hand-to-hand or with a sword, you have to accept your personal responsibility. Killing somebody ought to be messy. You should be sprayed with his blood, you should be able to hear him scream, catch the death rattle, smell the faeces and urine as the bowels and bladder let go. You should have to dispose of the body. So you know exactly what it was you did." --Steve Perry Cannot find c:\WINNT\system32\nsabackdoor.dll. Please reinstall Windows. "What you see is from outside yourself, and may come, or not, but is beyond your control. But your fear is yours, and yours alone, like your voice, or your fingers, or your memory, and therefore yours to control. If you feel powerless over your fear, you have not yet admitted that it is yours, to do with as you will." --Marion Zimmer Bradley, _Stormqueen_ JWRTFM! "With hindsight, the decision sucked. But that's the benefit of hindsight. When you use it, all decisions suck." --Giles Todd "Fear knocked at the door; trust opened it; no one was there." --proverb "I will NOT be undersold on laxatives!" --Tartan, on a mock bidding war during product testing "I believe that viewers who skip television commercials are thieves who are guilty of stealing network programming." -Jamie Keller, CEO/Chairman of Turner Broadcasting While the admin's away the kiddies will play. "Fifteen hour plane flights really suck." --Art Bell "Stand by the roads and look, and ask for the ancient paths where the good way is, and walk in it, and find rest for your souls." --Jeremiah 6:16 "Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity. It eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation." --Johnny Hart There are only 10 types of people in this world... those who understand binary, and those who don't. "They don't know how the world is shaped. And so they give it a shape, and try to make everything fit it. They separate the right from the left, the man from the woman, the plant from the animal, the sun from the moon. They only want to count to two." --Emma Bull, _Bone Dance_ "Harris, she ran away before the project was completed.. so I'm far more advanced than even she is. I'm sure I'll have no problem anticipating and countering whatever desperate plan she could invent before she even attempts it. Hell, in fact I bet I'll enjoy it. Heh. Evil genius foreplay." --Shawn, _Exploitation Now_ "Quite frankly, I don't _want_ people using Linux for ideological reasons. I think ideology sucks. This world would be a much better place if people had less ideology, and a whole lot more. I do this because it's FUN and because others might find it useful, not because I got religion." --Linus Torvalds That and five bucks will get you a small coffee at Starbucks. "fsck(1) art, let's kill(1) -9." --Andrew Jonathan King "You're nobody 'til everybody in this town thinks you're a bastard." --Elvis Costello "Ner reth aroniel'eth eoron dor norath" (All your bases are belong to us!) "Everything is ok in the end. so remember, if it's not ok. it's not the end." --Tracker A. Wrightwolf "Declawed gerbil my butt!" --Art Bell "Everyone needs some kind of legal defense. He is living in America, land of the lawsuit." --Travis Willard "Application caused in module at ." --actual Win32 error window "Surely there is a polite way to say FOAD." --Shmuel Metz "I am at liberty to vote as my conscience and judgement dictates to be right, without the yoke of any party on me.. look at my arms, you find no party handcuff on them." --Davy Crockett "I may not agree with what you say but I will defend to the death your right to say it." --Patrick Henry The only thing Microsoft has done for society is make people believe that computers are inherently unreliable. "When you choose between the lesser of two evils, you soon forget that you choose evil." --Ammon Hennacy "We cannot all do great things. But we can do small things with great evil." --Hanoi Xan "Never retreat, never explain, never apologize. Get the thing done, and let 'em howl." --Nellie McClung "Is my personal responsibility offending your political correctness?" --TheViffer "It is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society." --J. Krishnamurti Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they (the facts) must be disposed of. "Free speech... How long do you think it will last? Nothing is really guaranteed with the combination of stupid people and the patriot act." --Jeremy Martin, on the isp-linux mailing list "You were born an original; don't die a copy." --Unknown "'Shpadoinkle' is not a word." --http://www.skippyslist.com/ "In light of everything, my opinion would have to be.. meep." --General Coldara "Could Sloup be modified to talk on the ether?" --Eric A. Farris on the newton-talk mailing list "Heh heh heh.. time to break things. With software, it doesn't hurt as much." --Nuke, at work "Stress is the compression of what you need to do into a finite point." --Lucien "All your Beowulf cluster of grits are belong to Cowboy Neal. Did I miss one?" --Sir Tristam "...thou who has trial and trouble of this life, rejoice because of them for in them in strength and by their means is a pathway opened unto that Light Divine. How should it be otherwise, O man, whose life is but a day in Eternity, a drop in the Ocean of Time? How, if thy trials were not many, purge thy soul from the dross of Earth?" --The Golden Dawn, fourth knowledge lecture "Pepsi makes darkness taste better." --Ryan Well "Quantum Express: When you absolutely, positively, don't know where it's going or when it needs to be there." --RazorJAK "Essential? No, your job function is essential. You are not." --Anonymous Coward on Slashdot, regarding temp work "My Operat~1 System supports long filena~1, does yours?" --mike at morpheus "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." --Edmund Burke "I sense much NT in you.. NT leads to blue screen. Blue screen leads to downtime. Downtime leads to suffering... NT is the path to the dark side. Powerful, Unix is..." --Unknown Unix Jedi on the Unix Guru Universe mailing list "Setting a Shatnerologist in a room of normals is like setting a velociraptor loose in a room of weiner dogs." --Unknown, but quoted on the ER mailing list "Never attribute to incompetence that which can be explained as allegiance to the Ultimate Evil." --Random comment from UseNet "It takes two to have .cx." --Pat Parrinello "MCSE's, poor bastards, are given the inflated belief that they are computer experts once they have passed MS's "computer science". It's almost as pathetic as Scientology." --Shanep "When you think you've lost your way, it only means that you've gone as far as you can with what you have now." --Nicki, _Videodrome_ Hagbard Celine's laws: - National Security is the chief cause of national insecurity. - Accurate communication is only possible in a nonpunishing situation. - An honest politician is a national calamity. "Specialisation is for insects." --Robert A. Heinlein "Ballmer's First Theorem: Linux is a serious threat to Windows. "Ballmer's Second Theorem: Linux is a toy. "Logical consequence: A toy will beat Windows." --Munehiro's .signature file on the linux-handhelds mailing list "Who needs script kiddies when you have backhoes?" --Dan Hollis "I slip into the archaic at dramatically appropriate moments. So sue me." --Harry Dresden, _Summer Knight_ "Relying on hypothetical karma is like relying on a hypothetical parachute." --Lanthinel Devir "Perfect your craft and protect your vision." --Apollo Smile "In God we trust, all others we monitor." --NSA Intercept Operators's motto, 1970 "Technique?" said the programmer turning from his terminal, "What I follow is Tao -- beyond all technique! When I first began to program I would see before me the whole problem in one mass. After three years I no longer saw this mass. Instead, I used subroutines. But now I see nothing. My whole being exists in a formless void. My senses are idle. My spirit, free to work without plan, follows its own instinct. In short, my program writes itself. True, sometimes there are difficult problems. I see them coming, I slow down, I watch silently. Then I change a single line of code and the difficulties vanish like puffs of idle smoke. I then compile the program. I sit still and let the joy of the work fill my being. I close my eyes for a moment and then log off." "What we envision for these dark days, when most others are starving, is a healthy feudal system in which all fit male and female SubGeniuses are warrior thug-serfs for 'Bob'. How can any potential OverMan or UberLady entertain the faintest hopes of surviving these End Times without 'Bob'? Yes, 'Bob' will be in Dallas then and you'll want to be where 'Bob' is if you want tickets to the Rescue Ships From Planet X... so why not serve under him and his chosen representatives on Earth while you STILL CAN???" --The Book of the SubGenius "You will experience inner turmoil after reading way too much into a statement filled with vague, undefined terms." --The Onion "Dakedo itsuka kizuku deshou, sono senaka niwa Haruka mirai mezasu tame no hane ga aru koto." "People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them." --Dave Barry "Entering the Forum was like plunging into a bath of mercury. It was even hotter than Topside, air conditioners stripped years ago by streetdrek for spare parts. The crowd reinvigorated me, though. Colours, tensions, energy... I absorbed it as I walked down the dead escalator -- GFs off -- feeding, energising. I dapped with some spuds I knew as I walked the sublevels, reveling in the feel of the street again." --Lynx, _Bad Voltage_ "It wasnt 'til sex came to imply ownership that virginity became equated with chastity." --Tao "I was always taught that, at the moment when the sperm and the egg go 'Howdy!' we've got human life..." --Art Bell on cloning "I give it a 'wh00p' with two zeroes." --Mr.Omerta "Like Einstein's universe, most networks are finite but unbounded. There's only a certain number of computers attached, yet you never quite reach the edge of the network. There's always another computer down the line. Eventually, you'll make a complete circuit and wind up back where you started. Most networks are so complicated and interwoven that no one knows where all their connections lead, so most people have to explore to find their way around." --Cliff Stoll, _The Cuckoo's Egg_ "Rumour is, that back in the late 1970's-early 1980's, DSE was a user who achieved Maximum K-rad Eliteness at which point his soul merged with the global telecom network. Demonseed Elite was no longer just a person, but an entity residing in the cables and satellite links of the network. He is AT&T, he is Internet, he is Southwestern Bell (sucks to be him), he is Smilin' Uncle Dudley's Child Pokin' BBS across town. He is your phone. He is the spy satellites which orbit abouve our heads. He knows when you've been sleeping and he knows when you're awake. And he takes any sign of lameness on his networks as a personal insult. To speak is real name is to die. Lamers and r0dents all face his wrath. No one has seen him dealing out his vengeance, or been alive afterwards to tell about it, but it wil come. Believe that." --Swamp Ratte' [cDc], _It's A K-rad Thing_ "Failure is not an option.. it's bundled with Microsoft." --Anonymous "The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously." --Hubert H. Humphrey "Phillip K. Dick, in one of his last novels, _Valis_, discusses the long hiberation of the Logos. A creature of pure information, it was buried in the ground at Nag Hammadi, along with the burying of the Chenoboskion Library circa 370 AD. As static information, it existed there until 1947, when the texts were translated and read. As soon as people had the information in their minds, the symbiote came alive, for, like the mushroom consciousness, Dick imagined it to be a thing of pure information. The mushroom consciousness of the Other in hyperspace, which means in dream and in the psilocybin trance, at the quantum foundation of being, in the human future, and after death. All of these places that were thought to be discrete and separate are seen to be part of a single continum. History is the dash over ten to fifteen thousand years from nomadism to flying saucer, hopefully without ripping the envelope of the planet so badly that the birth is aborted and fails, and we remain brutish prisoners of matter." --Terrence McKenna, _Archaic Revival_ "techno has all of those blips and beeps that make me want to dance on my toes... house makes everone do that 'walking in place' thing... jungle is sorta like moving your hands all over your body w/o actually touching yourself... and happy hardcore is kinda like everyone is in fast forward." --BeCCA*, pb-cle "Porting 'shred' to DOS would require significant changes to the source code. Nor is there any pressing need for a DOS port, as any user who thinks deleting a file is merely a matter of dragging it over to a 'trash can' icon would not likely have sufficient nervous system bandwith to use a 'shred' utility." --M. Cooper, documentation to Shred v1.0 "When one understands how one comes to perceive of one's reality, then one can begin to discover the truth and awaken. When the illusion is perceived directly it disappears, for it does not really exist." --from _What Is the Matrix?_ "I'm a certified sneakernet engineer." --Lane Scott "FAQ 25:17 - The righteous higher-resolution modes require correspondingly more system memory in order to run, and that some high-resolution modes may not be available when running on 8MB machines. Blessed are such modes that are not listed in the video modes menu, for they would only slow down the microprocessor. Do not report video modes that do not appear in the menu as bugs; either those modes are not supported by your video adaptor, or there is not enough system memory to support those modes in the shadow of the valley of death. And I say, if the video problems persist, ye must move to 8-bit colour, lest ye overload your piece of shit video card!" --Jules, _Cyberpunk Fiction_ "Be careful, the Bobbit monster's out there." --Art Bell cats@zerowing:~# find / -name '*yourbase*' -exec chown us:us {} \; Kiersey Temperament Sorter results: INFP Kiersey archetype: Healer "In all cases establishing a relationship with the spirit folls a similiar process of evocation. Firstly the attributes of the entity, its type, scope, name, appearance and characteristics must be placed in the mind or made known to the mind. Automatic drawing or writing, where a stylus is allowed to move under inspiration across a surface, may help to uncover the nature of a clairvoyantly discovered being. In the case of a created being the following procedure is used: The magician assembles the ingredients of a composite sigil of the being's desired attributes. For example, to create an elemental to assist him with divination, the appropriate symbols might be chosen and made into a sigil such as the one shown in the figure." --Peter J. Carroll, _Liber LUX_ "Information may want to be free, but fiber optic cable wants to be a million US dollars per mile." --Shawn McMahon "Who is the third who walks always beside you? When I cont, there are only you and I together But when I look ahead up the white road There is always another one walking beside you Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded I do not know whether a man or a woman -But who is that on the other side of you?" --T.S. Eliot, _The Wasteland_, part V "The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary; men alone are quite capable of every wickedness." --Joseph Conrad "In the first place Schneider had used the phrase 'The Other World' time and again. What did it mean, literally? A 'world' was a space-time energy continuum; an 'Other World' was therefore such a continuum, but a different one from the one in which he found himself. Physical theory found nothing repugnant in such a notion; the possibility of infinute number of continua was a familiar, orthodox speculation. It was even convenient in certain operations to make such an assumption. "Had Gramps Schneider meant that? A literal, physical 'Other World'? On reflection Waldo was convinced that he meant just that, even though he had not used conventional scientific phraseology. 'Other World' sounds poetical, but to say an 'additional continuum' implies physical meaning. The terms had lead him astray." --Robert A. Heinlein, _Waldo_ "Word! Gameboys and Pokemon do not a national economy make." --Nyarlathotep, on Japan's economy "There's always the threat of an attack by say, a giant space dragon. The kind that eats the sun once every 30 days. It's a nuisance, but what can you expect from reptiles? Did I mention that my nose is on fire? And that I have 15 wild badgers living in my trousers?" "I'm sorry, would you prefer ferrets?" --Marcus Cole and Ivanova, _Babylon-5_ "And because Dante says there is no point in studying unless you remember what you have learned, I have made notes of what seem to me the most important things I have learned in my dialogue with the dead, and written a little book /On princedoms/ in which I go as deeply as I can into the questions relevant to my subject. I discuss what a principality is, how many types of principality there are, how one acquires them, how one holds onto them, why one loses them. And if any of my little productions have ever pleased you, then this one ought not to displease you; and a ruler, especially a new ruler, ought to be delighted by it. Consequently, I have addressed it to His Highness Giuliano. Flippo Casavecchia has seen it; he can give you a preliminary report, both on the text and on the discussions I have had with him: Though I am still adding to the text and polishing it." --Niccolo Machiavelli, _Letter to Vettori_ "The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. Many people would sooner die then think; in fact they do so." --Bertrand Russell "Be kind to your enemies; be peaceful. But if they lay a finger on you, send them to the cemetary." --Anton LaVay "We aim to please and shoot to kill." --Onivel "It's a natural match: Excedrin - taxes. I think I've got it made." --Art Bell "Taoist sexual practices lay a lot of stress on the generation of unusual substances in the genitals or in the perspiration, which is a theme that is absent from Indian yoga but that is picked up in Amazonian shamanism, where there is a lot of discussion of magickal forms of perspiraton, magickal objects that are generatd out of the body or are put into the bodies of other people. "In the matter of Taoist alchemy, it appears that there was an erotic control language, so that much of what appear to be prescriptions for sexual practices are actually recipes for plant combinations, because of words that were used with sexual connotations were also code words for plants and fungi. The association in the Taoist mind between the fungi and the female genetalia was very close. The words and the concepts are the same. This is a prevailing motif of the so-called esoteric schools of chinese eroticism, meaning the schools were actually nothing appears to be going on, but the presence of certain plants and certain objects in a composition indicate that it actually is an erotic cryptogram of some sort." --Terrence McKenna, _The Archaic Revival_ "31 pounds of coffee?! Christ, are you human?" "No..." --Zippy to the Doctor, regarding his coffee intake one semester "Uh Oh.. Hard disk go boom..." --the.Silicon.Dragon "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." --Corinthians 1:13 "Will you fight me now?" "You broke my Elvis clock." --David Mack: _Kabuki: Circle of Blood_ "All clenches must eventually schism." --J.R. "Bob" Dobbs "People argue that the limited and malleable representations of self are what devalues computer-mediated communication. These malleable representations are just as present in the real world -- if it acts like a duck, etc., it is definitely a duck. We are _completely_ defined by our surroundings (social and environmental). "Watch who you fuck with. It might come back to you." --Zard Biomatrix "There is always hope, because it's the one thing nobody has figured out how to kill yet." --Galen, _Babylon-5: Crusades_ "The only possible difference is that virtual realities allow shifting of the environment. Notice how this is subtly different than issues of identity via computers -- the user has no control. In a MUD, you either act this way or don't, on the usenet, you either use MiX3d capitals or you don't. There's no power for the individual in that. Only in the creator of the environment. Playing LambdaMOO is different than playing BattleTechMOO -- and it's the 'virtual powers-that-be' that create these environments. These environments enforce other people's identities." --Unknown, regading virtuality. "yeah...i love the future. except it has too many commercials." --Zard Biomatrix "Mankind found a god, and man, in his folly, tried to make the god his toy. For that arrogance, mankind was punished 15 years ago. And the god that man found, was lost.. But man continues to attempt to resurrect the god. And from that god, Adam, man attempted to make a man who was like a god himself. And that.. was Eva!" --Dr. Akagi Ritsuko, _Shin Seki Evangerion_ "To know = to have had sex with in Hebrew." --Anarchangel "First, stop being failures. It's absurd to judge ourselves against a scale larger than our own efforts. Do the right thing, help one another, raise the less fortunate without ulterior motives. Live simply, never lie, never steal, limit personal wealth, donate to charity, meditate, practise self-denial, live a pure life and spend some time as a monk. Above all, don't be afraid of nothingness, because the universe is full of it and therefore it must be natural and good. In this way of being 'no-mind', we escape ajiva and achieve enlightenment." --Buckaroo Banzai "What's your favourite brand of coffee, Sherwin-Williams?" "Huh? What gave you that idea?" "Your coffee is thicker than usual this morning." --Ludyte to The Doctor "Basically, if you know how to browse the web, you know how to hack a [sic] IIS server." --Floydman, in a post to Bugtraq "Don't drop acid, take it pass/fail." --Bryan Michael Wendt "Western civilisation is a loaded gun pointed at the head of this planet." --Terrence McKenna "All in all, it's just another rule in the firewall." --Ping Flood, _Firewall_ "It works! It's rudimentary and stupid, but great!" --Tartan, at work "Remember all ye that existence is pure joy; that all the sorrows are but as shadows; they pass & are done; but there is that which remains." --_Liber al vel Legis_, chapter 2 verse 9